Keeping Love Alive - Restoring Intimacy in One Simple Step

Keeping love alive. Is it possible? Are you afraid you have lost that loving feeling forever - and you can't get it back. Doesn't the fire dim and the passion wane after familiarity and comfort take over the initial pangs of attraction and desire? Yes, for many, many people in our society love only rears its head at the start of a relationship, the period of time when intrigue, mystery and personal perceptions override reality and create an unreal sense that this is the one who will fulfill all of our dreams.

However, after a certain amount of time, which differs for every couple, the honeymoon period ends and the discovery of differences emerges. This is the time when that cute little habit no longer seems cute. Suddenly, we see the flaws and weaknesses, annoying habits and disappointing traits that have the potential to destroy our dreams of persistent and enduring passionate love.

For many couples, this discovery of the partner's other side is the turning point away from love. Some couples remain monogamous and committed to this partner but with less than optimal desire, passion or even interest. But both partners may still express the words, "I love you." Both are aware that their passion has waned but they secretly hope it will just magically reappear.

And sometimes they are right. Sometimes, a novel and exciting shared adventure can trigger a new spark in a waning love match. Bujt more often than most of us will admit, as the passion wanes our desire to improve the situation also lessens. We may remain in the relationship, at status quo, for a very long time.

A new study, sited by Robert Epstein in an article for Scientific American, reveals that there is a simple way to re-ignite that loving spark. Many scientific studies have shown that novelty can create renewed passion; a couple doing something new together can lead excitement and desire. According to Robert Epstein, one reason is that "Emotional bonds often get stronger when people feel vulnerable....Strong sexual attraction, scary situations, vigorous exercise and novel situations all make people feel vulnerable to some extent."

But there is something so simple, so quick and easy, that any couple can quickly re-create a spark just by doing this one activity together. Robert Epstein and Scientific American's editor-in-chief, Mariette DiChristina, shared this simple experience with a group of people at 92Y Tirbecca, NYC.

The simple exercise was for two people to sit facing each other and gaze into each other's eyes. This easy and brief exercise can be extremely intimate and scary, even terrifying, for someone who is afraid of closeness. As one gazes into another's person's eyes, whatever the original thoughts and perceptions were, they slowly give way to an intense knowing of the other person. One can see the glint in their eye, the fear of closeness, the tenderness, the hostitlity or rage, the sweetness, and whatever additional fluctuating emotions may emerge.

Both people can be quickly transformed through such a simple technique. This method of gaining closeness has been used in Tantric healing and sexual ceremonies, consciousness raising and success oriented seminars, spiritual retreats and countless couples counseling workshops.

Can emotional intimacy, love and passion be re-stimulated upon demand? Yes and no. Yes, if both people are willing to let go of preconceived and previous thoughts and feelngs. No, if either person chooses to hold on to negative, demeaning emotions. Yes, if both people stay fully present and maintain the eye contact for awhile. No, if one or both keeps looking away, breaking the eye contact and blocking the intimate knowing.