Just because he is your soul mate, it does not mean that you should be a doormat

I hear it all the time from women. Yes it is a girl thing. They just know that the man that they are with is their soul mate. Just about every society is based on marriage and having someone special spend our lives with. We make people feel bad when they are single. It causes so many women to try really hard to find that special man to call their own.

The sad part is that the need to have a man in their life becomes pressure and not joy. Often there is stress in the relationship but so many women do not know how to handle issues without the fear of losing their man. Yes many smart, gorgeous and successful women who are strong at work become very passive in their relationships because they are afraid to be alone and do not want to lose their soul mate.

I can't express how much I am learning to dislike the term soul mate. Working in the spiritual community, the term soul mate is so over used and not really understood.The initial high of meeting someone can make a woman feel like she has found " the one ". After all is their true goal in life. I went to school with many women who really wanted a MRS degree. The sad part is that so many people have no idea what the term soul mate really means.

WHAT IS A SOUL MATE?
A soul mate is not some mushy romantic fairy tale where he tells you how great, beautiful you are and that he could not live without you. I am not being silly. I hear this from women. They want to know all the time if he is afraid of losing them. Who wants to live in fear? Why is it validating to hear that a person is afraid of losing their partner. That is not healthy. That is giving too much power to a person. We should always be able to be strong enough to stand on our own two feet. A soul mate is basically a person who has the same issues as our self. They serve as a mirror for us to see our self and to work out our issues and heal. Stinks right? Love is healing but not in the way that women hope for. We love someone enough to let them be a mirror and to show us what we need to work on spiritually. Every relationship that we have is an opportunity to teach us. Even the bad relationships teach us to heal so that we can attract better mates. As we grow, we attract mates who are similar. We are never with the wrong person. Many abused women learn this. They learn that if they had better self esteem that they would of not ended up with a loser.

We teach people how to treat us. So many women are scared to speak their truth and demand to be respected because they fear making him angry and having him walk out. The fear of being alone causes a woman to allow herself to be mistreated. Often, I am asked by a woman if her man loves her. This is the intuitive side of my coaching. If I tell them yes he does love them. The next question is then why is he mean to her. The answer is simple. He has his own issues and also because the woman is allowing it. People can only treat us the way that we allow. We set the boundaries.

Love does not mean that you will be treated well. Love is a feeling and not a predicted action. Love does not guarantee a good behaving partner. People can only love as much as they are healed.

Lose the need to have to have someone out of fear and it will make it easier to see clearly and to prevent being in a bad relationship. Get rid of the soul mate belief. If you love and respect yourself than you will not have to worry about being mistreated. Yes we have to put up with small issues but never outright abuse. If you are being abused, only you can put an end to it. Be strong enough to put yourself first. Needing someone to feel validated is a weakness that can become detrimental.
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