There will be times when one will want to spend time by themselves and there will be times when they want to be around others. This is not to say that one will spend the same amount of time with others as they will by themselves; as it is not black and white.

How one spends their time will depend on a number of factors and this means there is no such thing as the ‘right approach’. However, as one is a ‘social animal’, it will be important for them to spend time with others.

Two Extremes

And as one is an individual, it will be important for them to spend time by themselves. If one only spent their time around others and didn’t take the time to be in their own company, there is the chance that they would end up being out of touch with who they are.

Yet, if one was to always be by themselves and didn’t spend time with others, they would also end up losing themselves. This is because it is the mirroring of others that enables one to have a sense of self.

Two Experiences

Therefore, each experience plays a vital role in one not only being in touch with who they are, but for who they are to exist. What is taking place internally is affected by what is taking place externally and vice versa.

It is often said that there is nothing new under the sun and this means that one can’t create anything new. However, what they can do is create something that is reflection of their own experience on this planet.


Having the ability to create something different is often the result of one being in touch with themselves. This is likely to mean that they will have spent time on their own.

If one hadn’t of spent time by themselves and only stayed around other people, their chances of creating something different is likely to decrease. This is partly because one is not taking the time to tune into what is taking place within them.


Instead, one will be caught up in what others are doing and this is will have an impact on what they create. There is a strong chance that what they share with the world will not stand out.

One is not utilising their ability to think for themselves; they are going with what other people are doing. And if one is unaware of what is taking place within them, it will mean that they are focused on what is taking place without.


When one watches a film, they are usually absorbed in the film and it is only after the film has finished that they will start to think about the film. If, on the other hand, the film didn’t finish, one wouldn’t get the chance to really think about what it was all about.

During the time when one is around others, they are going to be picking up what is going on around them. This will make it harder for one to listen to themselves and to reflect on what is taking place within them.


Through breaking away from others, one will find out who they are and it will give them the chance to find out what they can contribute to the world, for instance. However, if one only spent time by themselves, they would be like plant that has been put into dark room.

The people one spends their time with and the situations they find themselves in will also play a part in what one contributes to the world. If one was given a piece of paper and told to copy something, they won’t need to be creative.

A Bit of Both

Yet, if one was given a piece of paper and instead of being told what to draw they were allowed to come up with their own idea, there would be a different outcome. Although one can come up with their own idea, this wouldn’t have taken place if they weren’t given the directions to begin with.

This shows that each side complements the other and this is why they are both important. When it comes to how long someone should spend by themselves or with others, it can all depend on what they are like and is taking place in their life.


Some people are more sensitive than others, and this can mean that they need to spend more time by themselves. This could be due to the kind of childhood they had or it might just be how they are.

Another reason why one can spend more time by themselves is because they have experienced some kind of loss. This may relate to a recent loss or to something that happened a number of years ago.


One can then lose interest and no longer want go out or to do the things they used to do. It is also a way for them to keep the pain that is within them at bay.

As a result of how they feel, one is not going to feel the need to reach out to others. This doesn’t mean that this need has disappeared; it means that it is being covered up by what is taking place within them.


If one has only just started to isolate themselves, they might soon realise why this has taken place. It could relate to a recent loss or it may mean that an old loss has been triggered.

In this case, it will show that one has carried the grief within them and until they are able to grieve, they will continue to isolate themselves. This doesn’t mean that one should force themselves to be around others though; as it will be normal for them to want to be by themselves during this time.


If one feels as though they are stuck, it will be important for them to reach out for support. This is not a linear process and there are likely to be moments where one feels as though they are not moving forward.

However, it will be important for one to keep going and not give up. The assistance of a therapist, healer and/or a support group may be needed.

Author's Bio: 

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy."

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