I get an overriding sense these days, upon observation of the many trials and tribulations in 21st Century relationships, that the ultimate goal is about getting love from a partner like it is something to be owned....a possession or a thing; but how that method is working less and less and causing more and more angst and tug o’ war games.

The meaning of human existence and our drive for connectedness with others and to receive and give love is a universal. Many spiritual masters talk of us "being love". They say we cannot NOT be connected and we cannot NOT be love....so if that is true, why is there so much strife in the arena of love relationships where the focus appears to be on extracting love from the other ? No wonder it causes conflict and is painful !

I believe, we really do spend disproportionate amounts of time trying to "get" love. I witness and talk with people who come and see me for educational work, who are way outside of their true selves because they seem to be working for love like the coal miners do at the coal face. Picture the scene.

A common thread certainly throughout my life, but lately listening to my single clients, is this... “Being alone doesn’t feel right. There is something missing.” I really do get that. I used to say it ALL the time and cry over movies with happy endings, wishing and longing to find that certain someone.

But all along it was only the “feeling” of love within me that was perceived missing and so the mission of seek and find for that pearl in the oyster of another, continued. Maybe this feeling keeps us chained to a path of trying to find someone to get love from them, when they do turn up. Poor them, every time !

Many of my clients spend a heap of time talking to me about what their lover or past love didn't do for them and a whole lot more time telling me about what they said and did that made them unhappy. Because, I believe, their time is heavily invested in trying to get love and so the focus remains outside of themselves. If only we could work them out, we would get more love...right?! Like love is the ultimate treasure and all we need is the right map with “X marks the spot” ! Then sadly the emotional drilling commences to find love and hey presto conflict arises.

Getting anything from your partner will only end in tears eventually. It amounts to manipulation of another human being and nothing more. Trying to get love is like saying “I don’t have enough love and it’s your job to give it to me”. Wrong !

So, what am I saying ? We must start with inner love first. Easy to say, difficult to achieve. How many times have you heard, growing up, "you gotta love yourself, before you can love another". I used to say " I do !!!" with a frustrated tone, but really I didn't because I was always trying to get love and harming myself in the process.

So how do you learn to love yourself ? Is it really achievable ? Well yes but my only real teaching is this.

The road to self love comes through firstly self awareness and with that awareness how you can come home to and learn to love and accept yourself, with your relationship as the mirror and healer. If we "are love" then we need to be able to see it and our partner is our mirror for that. Maybe then, true self love comes with another person. When you feel deep love, your partner is just reflecting back to you what is coming from you. Maybe this is "being love" then we are no longer seeking it ? A thought to mull.

Gangaji, a truly incredible teacher of humanity says “what is here when I stop trying to get anything ? And how much of that is already here and where does that begin and end ? And...am I willing to trust that ?” She believes there is nothing we need to be, get or do and that our prayer must be for openness to ourselves in every moment. This is profound and “whoa !”, but the teaching is about knowing that all we need is right here in every moment, if we choose to see it. Self enquiry is the only way to realisation of the “self”, Gangaji believes. A life dedicated to the blessings of learning about yourself from all your relationships. What, in essence, could be better than that ?

So if the Law of Attraction and all it stands for, is working as they say it does, then we must become love in order to attract the same. Be love and you have love, there is nothing to seek.

Blessings for now

Author's Bio: 

Gina Hardy is the founder and creator of Conscious Union and a relationship educator, which in essence means she helps you learn about the deeper and often unconscious aspects that drive you to do and say the things you do in relationships. The things that create more conflict and keep you chained to repeat patterns. She is not a counsellor or psychologist, but has a 25 year portfolio of experience in love relationships, which she believes is the key ingredient in really understanding people's problems in love.

Her purpose is to take all of her experience blended with the soothing balm of education and help you create your very own conscious and healthy relationships. Her vision is to help create laboratories of healing for couples and soon to be couples, so that future generations will know the true meaning of happiness in authentic conscious love.

"Seeing you happy and free to be you, is my goal for us"