If someone’s life isn’t very fulfilling and they want this to change, they could end up looking for answers. After doing this, they could end up taking a closer look at what is going on in their mind and focus on their behaviour.

At this point, they can believe that changing what is going on up top and altering their behaviour will allow them to transform their life. This will be a viewpoint that is supported by numerous people in both the real world and online.

A Process

So, as the days, weeks and months go by, they may find that their life gradually changes. There could come a point in time when the people in their life are surprised by the degree to which their life has changed.

One may find that some of the people in their life have drifted away and that a few different people have come into their world. This will be a clear sign that they have changed at a deeper level and are no longer the same person.

The Law of Resonance

One way of looking at this would be to say that they were at one place energetically before and now they are at a completely different place. Thanks to this shift, they are no longer in alignment with certain people.

These people will still live on the same planet but one won’t be an energetic match for them, hence why the connection between them has been broken. Those that have come into their life wouldn’t have been an energetic match for them before and now this won’t be the case.

A Different Experience

Then again, one may find that their life doesn’t really change or that it only changes for a short while before reverting back to how it was before. If this takes place, one could believe that they need to double down on what they were doing before.

Tweaking what they were doing before and pushing themselves even harder might just allow them to move forward. Conversely, this could just cause them to experience even more anger and frustration, and to sink into a hole of helplessness.

A Bleak Place

Based on what is taking place, it is not going to be much of surprise if they feel like a victim. They will have been doing all the ‘right’ things but they won’t have a lot to show for all the effort that they have put in.

It will be a good idea at this stage for them to stop doing what they are doing, to take a step back and to reflect. For their life to change, they will need to let go of what they believe they need to do and to open their mind to what they actually need to do.

Two Levels

When it comes to how someone experiences life and the situations, circumstances and events that they find themselves in, what is taking place in their conscious mind is just one part of it. The other part of this is that is taking place in their unconscious mind/body.

Another way of looking at this would be to say that it is not just their adult self that affects their life, it is also their child self or inner child that affects their life. Focusing on the former and ignoring the latter is unlikely to lead to deep transformation.


To understand what is being said here, one can imagine that they have a car that is in a very bad way. Not only will this car look bad, it also won’t have an engine that works very well, if at all.

To only focus on their adult self, and to change what is going on in their mind and their behaviour, will be like painting this clapped-out car. This can be seen as a form of decoration and it won’t have much of an impact on the car itself.

Going To the Root

On the other hand, when they also work on what is taking place at a deeper level and start to heal their inner child, it will be tantamount to changing the outside and fixing the engine of their car. Instead of purely playing around with what is taking place on the surface, they will be dealing with what is taking place at the core of their being.

However, the difference here is that although changing what is taking place up top will require force and effort – an expression of the masculine element - the same approach won’t be needed when it comes to resolving what is taking place at a deeper level. At this level, it will be about surrendering and being present to what is – an expression of the feminine element.

Emotional Work

Their inner child can carry a lot of pain, and a lot of this pain will probably need to be cried out. This won’t happen in a day, though; it could be something that they need to do for many, many years.

Even so, this doesn’t mean that they will go over the same wounds or that their life won’t change as time passes. As with the grieving process, inner child work is not a linear process and this is why they won’t start at one level and then go straight up the next level and so forth; they can feel better and then feel worse shortly afterwards.


If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, five hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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