It took awhile yet in the end your spouse admitted that they were having an extramarital affair. The news hit you like a ton of bricks. You had no inkling that something was going on and to be honest that is exactly how it should be. You didn't tie the knot with this person so you could spend the majority of your time checking up on them. They like you stood before friends and family and swore to be faithful.

Now suddenly the truth comes out that they have not been living up to the wedding vows. Your mate is adamant when it comes to apologizing and begging for forgiveness. In addition they swear to do everything possible to repair the trust they deliberately destroyed.

At this time you have got a number of decisions to make not the least of which is do you (and your spouse) want to continue the marital relationship. However if you want to make it through this extramarital relationship there are several items you really need to avoid.

1. Losing Your Self Value

The thing your spouse did was terrible not to mention hurt you deeply. But don't let it ruin your self-esteem by going to pieces.

They deserve a lot of things however breaking you down is not one of them. Call upon that toughness you know exists within you. That does not imply you cannot have a good cry but don't give them the satisfaction of doing away with your personal self-respect.

2. The Refusal To Let It Go

It's one thing to ask yourself why your spouse cheated. It is another thing entirely to hold on to it. Your spouse was unfaithful and no matter how hard you try to avoid this there comes a moment that you need to accept this fact. Many times the sufferer of unfaithfulness tries to convince themselves it's just a terrible dream and everything will eventually go back to normal. It will not and the only way to begin the recovery process is to accept that basic reality.

3. Not Planning The Next Move

You may need time to process this unexpected news but you also need to start looking at some of the options. You cannot wander around in a state of confusion for the rest of your life. Sooner or later you will have to determine not only about the future of the relationship but also how you plan to get on with the rest of your life.

4. Permitting Others Make Your Decision

You can definitely obtain advice from your own family and friends along with an audience to vent. The mistake is allowing them to decide how you will proceed. That is a cop out. Yes they may have your best interest at heart but in all honesty only you can make the hard choices regarding your life. Allowing other individuals to make a decision may put you in a position you don't wish to be in which will only in time cause you to feel even worse than what you are already feeling.

5. Engulfing You In Pity

All of us at some point feel sorry for what has been done to us but remaining in self-pity isn't going to help you in any way shape or form. There comes a time when you face up to exactly what happened and stop feeling sorry for you. Self-pity is not going to change the simple fact your spouse had an affair. Remaining in it only postpones the healing process.

6. Confronting The Person Your Mate Had An Affair With

It might provide you with some short term pleasure but in essence it's useless. Are they to blame? Of course however the overwhelming majority of blame belongs to your two timing spouse. If it hadn't been this individual it would have been somebody else so do not throw away your time and energy dealing with someone who's not really worth your while.

7. Physical Violence

There was a news story recently of a spouse who drove a considerable distance in order to kill her husband's lover. This is beyond dumb. Now the woman is more than likely heading to prison for the rest of her days and her philandering husband is just going to go find someone else to be with.

Neither your spouse or the individual they had an affair with is worth your freedom. Cry, scream and if you have to throw a few plates against the wall but do not under any circumstances get physical. Be careful not to let your spouse's selfish behavior make you do something that can wreck your life irreversibly.

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