Physically, someone will be separate from others, but that doesn’t mean that they will act as though they are separate from them. Instead, they could have the tendency to act like an extension of others.

What this means is that they will typically be a follower as opposed to a leader and will practically always go along to get along. To use an analogy; it is like they will be the driver of a car and they can drive anywhere but they will have the inclination to follow other cars.

The Norm

Now, while this will cause them to neglect themselves, it doesn’t mean that they will realise this. Due to how long they are likely to have behaved in this way, it might not stand out.

Thus, the information within them, which will make it clear that they are living in the wrong way, will be outside of their conscious awareness. So, their needs and feelings could largely be a mystery to them, with them being overly focused on the needs and feelings of others.

It’s There

If this information is able to break through, this could be a time when they feel frustrated and/or down. Yet, as they won’t be able to join the dots, so to speak, and to see why they are feeling this way, it could be put down to something else.

As a result of this, they could end up engaging in an activity or consuming something to change how they feel. Then again, they could even end up being put on some kind of medication.

One Area

When it comes to what they do for a living, they could do something that is anything but fulfilling. Even so, it could be something that pays the bills and perhaps allow them to receive a fair amount of approval.

Some of the people in their life and their parent or parents might often say that they do something that is important, for instance. Also, they might not have the drive or believe that they are allowed to do anything about it.


If they are in a relationship, their partner could make most if not all of the decisions. From the outside, it might seem as though they are like a child and their partner is the parent that is there to look after them.

But, if they are not in a relationship and even if they are, this could be how it is with most of their friends and colleagues. Once again, they will seldom assert themselves and will typically go along with what another wants to do.

A Bleak Existence

Who they really are, their true self, is rarely if ever going to see the light of day and they are likely to know what it is like to be walked over. Ultimately, they will be a non-entity in a lot of cases and to make matters worse, they probably won’t have a strong desire to change their life.

As they are an individual with their own needs, feelings and wants and are here to live their own life, it can seem strange as to why they would be this way. If they were able to take a step back and reflect on their life, they could also wonder what is going on and be totally fed up with their life.

Going Deeper

When it comes to why they are this way, it could be thanks to what took place during their formative years. This may have been a time when they were deprived of the nutrients that they needed to grow and develop in the right way.

From the moment they were born, they may have often been left and when they were given attention, it might have largely been misattuned care. This would have deeply traumatised them and as they were powerless and totally dependent, there was absolutely nothing that they could do about what was going on.

The outcome

To handle the pain and arousal they were in, their brain would have automatically repressed what was going on inside them and they would have gone into a shutdown, collapsed, disconnected and frozen state. What this would have done is taken away their desire to break away and explore after this stage of their development.

Their aggression/fight instinct would have been split off, they wouldn’t have felt secure, or safe enough to exist. With them not having access to the force within them that would allow them to start the individuation process and not feeling secure and safe enough to express themselves, it was to be expected that they wouldn’t be able to break away.

One priority

The trauma that they experienced right from the beginning, and as time went by, would have put them into survival mode. Therefore, anything that could undermine their life would end up being overlooked.

The first part of their development didn’t go to plan, so it wasn’t possible for the second part of their development to take place. Many, many years will have passed since that stage of their life but they won’t have truly moved on from what happened.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author of 25 books, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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