In the Meantime

Notes to Myself

I was waiting to write when I had something really inspirational and uplifting to say. I was hoping that there would be a sudden shift and my enlightenment would return and the storm clouds would pass. Sorry, that is not the case. I was guided to write regardless with a deeply personal and honest perception of the energy of late and my inner guidance.

I was on the phone with my dear friend the other day. She’s experiencing health issues and I was expressing my frustration over my year long battle with the legal system trying to get a loan modification. Here’s how the conversation went. “Are you ready to give up your home if it comes to it?” my response, “Getting there! ~ Are you ready to give up your uterus if it comes to that?” her response, “Getting there!” We are being challenged to let go at the deepest level to whatever we thought we just could not live without.

I’ve been angry and disillusioned that as a Lightworker, who devoted my entire life to helping others has to go through such hardships. It’s exhausting and frustrating to fight the system. As a highly sensitive person it’s not easy to live and work in a society that is not honoring of one another. It deeply hurts my heart. Nonetheless, what I have realized we must surrender, on every level, everything and anything we thought we needed.

The purification we are undergoing is not gentle by any means. The only way to make this process any easier is to simply let go. I can’t fight the system, so in the meantime I keep my thoughts on positive things that uplift me. I spent the summer at the beach enjoying the ocean and my friends. I’ve read fun books, watch shows and movies that entertain me, enjoying yummy meals, and spend time with my family and friends. I do things that nourish my soul and bring me happiness. I try not to dwell on the things that are not working in my life. Yes, at times I get down in the dumps and my anger and frustration swells up to the surface. I have friends that can talk me off the ledge when I get to the point of exploding. I do the same for them.

In the meantime, when things aren’t necessarily going the way we hoped for or expected we still have a life to live. I have found myself so despondent with life that I didn’t feel a reason to live. The madness of our world made me feel hopeless. I began to develop a physical ailment that jolted me back to reality. I’ve also been experiencing heart pain as my heart is clearing and opening to deeper levels. I realized that I really don’t want to die. I want to see my son grow up and enjoy my life.

Instead, I focus on my friends’ wedding, the birth of my friend’s son, celebrating birthdays, making get togethers with friends, nurturing my dogs and cats that I am in the process of rehabilitating and watch as they slowly heal… ultimately doing things that feel good and treasuring what I do have.

Its just as easy to be happy with what we have as it is to be unhappy with what we don’t have. There is plenty of lack in this world. Plenty of things we don’t have that others have the good fortune to have. On the other hand, there are lots of things we do have to be grateful for. Treasures like none other. No argument, we’re in a harsh time. There are lots of things to cope with. Yet, when we narrow the lense to the present moment we have all we really want and need. Blessings come in such unexpected ways.

I have lost faith and trust in God and yet when I lay down to meditate I feel the gentle presence within and around me of Source. I have friends and family that have rallied around to uplift and support me when I don’t feel like I can go on any further. We receive so richly and abundantly in magnificent ways, we need only to see with gentle eyes and listen with an open heart.

God is no longer a bearded old man sitting on a throne dolling out good things for this one, but overlooking that one. My spirituality is no longer based on the fluff. I am in the thick of things, my spirituality is based on experiencing authentic love in my relationships, really being there for those who need me, practicing patience daily, accepting kindness from others, and getting up every day grateful for what I have, really feeling the blessings around me, and treasuring my divinity.

When and how things will turn around remains to be seen. It doesn’t matter. The more we rush and push things the more frustrated we become but unfortunately it doesn’t make things happen any faster or easier. To surrender means to release our expectations of how we want things to go and allow the divine flow to guide us to our destiny. In the meantime, focus on things that are joyful, gentle, and pleasing.

Prayer

Dear God,

I am experiencing challenges in my life. Please guide me to their resolution. Archangel Michael, please cut the cords that are not for my highest and greatest good, clear my energy field, and remove all obstacles from my way. Infuse me with the golden ray of creation. Fill all the places and spaces within and around me with divine love and light. Free me of all entanglements. I release all limiting thoughts and feelings. I ask for peace, serenity, and purity be infused within the cellular memory of my body and mind. I choose the path of ease and grace. I am the light divine.

And so it is.

Amen.

Copyright © Notes to Myself by Stefanie Miller of A Magical World - Permission is granted to copy and redistribute this article on the condition that the URL www.amagicalworld.com is included as the resource and that it is distributed freely and on a non-commercial basis. E-mail: stefanie@amagicalworld.com