If You Wish to Succeed Having a Satisfying Intimate Relationship with Another, You First Need to Develop a Relationship with YOURSELF

If you have been trying for quite some time now to develop an intimate relationship but are not successful, in most likelihood you keep trying, keep dating others, hoping and praying that one day, eventually, you will succeed.
But would you? Is there truly a reason to believe that if you haven’t been successful until now you will succeed, somehow, in the near future?
It is very likely that as you continue dating others you will keep behaving in exactly the same ways you have until now; and if you have been failing until now, is there any reason to believe that “suddenly” you will succeed?
So what can you do to increase your chances at finally finding a partner with whom you will succeed to develop a satisfying intimate relationship?

In order to succeed developing a satisfying intimacy you first need to develop a relationship with yourself

Having failed until now might mean: you haven’t yet taken the time to develop a relationship with yourself: to get to know yourself better; to understand the ways in which you harm your attempts at relationships; to realize a host of factors which might control you and lead you to sabotage your attempts.

Reading these lines you might tell yourself, “What nonsense, I do know myself, don’t I? I know who I am and what I want” . But you might be surprised to hear that many are not aware of “who they are” and of the ways in which they sabotage themselves and their relationships. Many – you might be included – live their life and “do relationships” on automatic pilot, without ever asking themselves if there is anything they need to change in order to succeed with their relationships. Many tend to blame others for their failures, or to believe that they haven’t yet found their “soul mate”.

But the truth of the matter is, that as long as you don’t take the time to develop a relationship with yourself – with self-compassion and open heart – you might not become empowered at developing the intimate relationship you so much desire.

What does it mean “to develop a relationship with yourself”

Developing a relationship with yourself means: taking the time to look inwards; to get to know “the person that you are”; to see whether you have been authentic with yourself and with others; whether or not you are walking around with masks which deter you from being “who you are”; whether or not you are driven by fears, needs which weaken you and influence your reactions and behaviors with prospective partners in an unhealthy way; whether or not you are controlled by unrealistic expectations and fantasies about partners and relationships, which drive you to react and behave in your relationships in harmful and unconstructive ways.

Developing a relationship with yourself means, becoming intimate with yourself; learning all you can about your denials and projections; realizing the hidden agenda you might have had until now regarding the ways in which you presented yourself to yourself and to others.

When you develop an intimate relationship with yourself you become empowered to develop an authentic and healthy relationship with others.

Developing a relationship with yourself requires commitment

Developing a relationship with yourself requires a commitment on your part: a commitment to go ahead and find out “who you are” and what was it that stood in your way from developing a successful intimate relationship until now.

The best way to develop a relationship with yourself and become aware of “who you are” is to do so on a friendly basis: as you look inwards you let things reveal themselves to you; you accept them with an open heart and explore them with compassion.

Being committed to look inwards, explore and realize how you have shot yourself in the foot until now, enable you to become intimate with yourself and therefore empowered to develop an intimate relationship with another.