I Think My Husband Is Hiding Something: When Your Husband Hides Things From You

We human beings have the most complex thing in the physical universe between our ears: the human brain. Together, the brain, body and soul make us up as human beings. Given the complexity of our minds, it is no wonder that our behavior is sometimes surprising - or even perplexing.

Strange and odd behaviors abound in each one of us - sane and a little crazy alike. The fact is that people just do weird things now and then.

One such behavior is that of being in the habit of hiding things from one's spouse. You may have found that your husband hides information, money, or things from you. What could that be about? The suspense may be driving you nuts.

If you are wondering, "Why does my husband hide things from me?", here are 5 steps possible causes:

1. Your husband may have a documented neurosis:

A neurosis is mental and emotional disorder that is not nearly as serious as its distant cousin, the psychosis. However, a neurosis can affect a person's behavior in many ways.

In her book "Self Analysis" (1942), psychoanalytic theorist Karen Horney developed one of the best known theories of neurosis. According to her theory, a neurosis comes from someone having a basic anxiety about interpersonal relationships.

Notably, among the 10 main neurotic needs that she classified were two that sound very consistent with the tendency to hide things habitually: #3: the need to remain inconspicuous and unnoticed, and #9: the need to exhibit a "loner" mentality in order to distance oneself from others and not feel dependent on other people.

Whether or not your husband has a bona fide neurosis is only something a good psychoanalyst can answer for sure, but if you feel that his hiding behavior is more innocent than it is malicious, consider this possibility seriously.

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2. He has a psychological need to keep parts of his life private:

Quite apart from a neurosis but still psychological in origin, your husband may simply have been raised in a very private family where everyone kept things separate and private. If his hiding behavior is not only a recent phenomenon but rather is something he has done more or less since you met him, this is also a strong candidate for the reason he does what he does.

3. He suspects you have been pulling back lately:

If you think about it, the tendency to hide things has the effect of creating a sense of separation and reduces feelings of closeness. If your husband has felt lately that you have been pulling back from him emotionally, he may be doing this as a self-defensive way to protect himself from getting hurt by you.

4. He is suspicious of you:

Do you feel that you and your husband have a trusting relationship? If he is feeling suspicious of you for any reason, he may be trying to cover his tracks to protect himself from the unknown of what you are up to.

5. He is finding ways to distance himself from you:

Now, turning to a possible reason that has more to do with your husband hiding things because he has something to hide: your husband may making plans to leave you or he is having an affair. Of course, this is by far the least-desirable reason among the 5, but if the others do not check out then you need to face the possibility of this being the case.

Consider these 5 possible causes of your husband hiding things from you. If you feel that the reason has to do with #3-#5 above, you need to get to work on your relationship right away. Do what it takes to get help to get things back on the right track in your world.

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Tony pursued Susan strongly even while she was pretty serious with another guy, and he kept pushing till Susan was convinced.

He most frequently ignored that she's already involved, and he made strategies whether she understood about them or not to win her.

Susan left her other relationship and went with Tony.

Susan understands the fact that he cares for her, he informs her of this all the time, however Susan is scared to make any decisions on her own unless she hears from him initially since he will get distressed.

Tony is a control freak!

When challenged by anxious good friends with evidence of Tony's 'cheatings' and other infidelity type relationships, Susan still could not end the relationship due to the fact that Tony informed her it was all lies.

A Course in Miracles further states that, "The ego seeks to 'resolve' its problems, not at their source, but where they were not made."

Tony said that it was not true, and that he was faithful to her, and she was being misinformed by her family and good friends.

The unhealthy relationship is spoiled by a requirement to manage one or the other.

When worry of that individual's mood dissuades a relationship or nearness to friends and family, this is surely an unhealthy situation.

In a relationship where one of the partners uses physical, psychological, or speaks to them directly in a harsh way, to require cooperation and obedience, is certainly not healthy.

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If somebody treats you terribly, or you have a dispute, and your partner will not listen to you, that relationship is instantly unhealthy.

Arguments take place in healthy relationships all the time.

Typically exactly what makes a relationship healthy is the requirement and the act of jeopardizing when differences happen.

I mean that, the unhealthy relationship is a hazardous thing since they do not need to be gritty, filthy and filled with physical or emotional punches to scar individuals who get captured up in them.

Tony and Susan's example is just one, there are actually lots of others and for those who have actually never had the bad luck to discover themselves in relationship problems it's really hard to understand why anybody would remain in it.

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This is a real example; it's a circumstance that grew even worse and even worse till the majority of Susan's friends never saw her any longer.

Her family hardly ever saw her at all without Tony when Tony chose that he needed to be in control of the relationship.

Her friends were horrified to find that for numerous weeks, Tony 'separated' with Susan, but, he never let her carry on due to the fact that he kept stating that he actually did love her.

Tony used to make Susan feel dreadful if she desired to make her own decisions or plans, or did anything that didn't include him.

Tony and Susan shared an extremely unhealthy relationship and it took lots of, oh, my, numerous months, for her to even confess to anybody about her upset, much less share exactly what was taking place.

Unhealthy relationships occur with our parents, grandparents, friends, people we see on the street whom we don't even know, the unhealthy relationship happens in many places, all the time.

Every one of these relationships can help us along, enhance us, and make us much better individuals as well as merely provide us happiness, when we can learn something for our own behavior and attitudes to improve.

Healing is everything and is so important to realize that we as humans are healing all the time.

Sorrow, fear and rage are not and ought to not be a routine part of any relationship, and if so, then healing is needed.

Yes, individuals will get unfortunate and upset through the regular course of things, especially in a dog-eat-dog world, so to speak, if we allow it to.

Let's keep in mind that when it is continuous and it accomplishes a level of 'abuse' - the relationship isn't really healthy.

The unhealthy relationships can leave us feeling unpleasant, unfortunate and scared, and we need to learn how to heal a broken relationship if there is even a glimmer of hope left.

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Good Christians never steal, lie, or cheat. Feathers will surely ruffle, if you attempt to answer this question before reading the next statement. Nonetheless, the answer to this question also determines the fate of Christian marriage (satisfaction).

Now, suppose we remove the word GOOD from the above example. Is this statement true or false?

Okay. Well, how about if we replace the word NEVER with the word SELDOM. Now, do we have a true statement?

Still, the actual answer is NO, and here is why...

People from virtually all walks of life and effectively spiritual denomination still carry the designation of human beings. Maintaining harmonious Christian marriage satisfaction is continuously challenging because we are borne onto this earth with a sincere LIKENESS to God... yet, we are not gods ourselves... not you, not I, not they.... none of us are gods.

That leaves us with human choices to make, and tough deeds to carry out, especially if we are to achieve and maintain a constant flow of Christian marriage satisfaction.

The true way to unlock the mystery of Christian marriage satisfaction lay in reaffirming your comprehension of basic biblical marital philosophy. Marriage is about HEADSHIP. Yet, such headship has its roots in LOVE. That is, each partner of a total marriage situation willingly and consistently gives support or deference to the other person who is a vital part of the marriage whole.

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Consider again, this holistic perspective - so necessary for Christian marriage satisfaction... a man is the head of his family. His wife supports that headship. Yet, Christ is supposed to lead that man, and therefore, a man gives deference and acknowledges Christ as his headship.

Then, too, Christ makes known that God comprises his headship, as well. And through Jesus Christ, we know that top honors go to God the Father.

Such an interesting and crucial chain of command only provides Christian marriage satisfaction when each and ever partner gives praise, honor, support, and especially LOVE to his or her headship.

Thus, the real secret of Christian marriage satisfaction remains in loving each other... powerfully... such a love that overwhelms obstacles with its awesome ability to forgive, forget, restart, and rejuvenate... even on a daily basis, when necessary.

This is the type of love God gives to us. It is for us to emulate in order to gain and keep Christian marriage satisfaction. In this same way, Christ gives love to both us, and to his Father... as an example of how we are supposed to carry ourselves, even through the hustle and bustle of living in a world as frenzied as it may seem today.

By doing the above, we not only RECEIVE peace, but we also provide that loving source of peaceful reward to our spouse, family, friends, and neighbors.

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A fully alive marriage begins on the living, walking, and talking life of Jesus Christ. The Sermon on the Mount is a perfect example of living marriage built upon the Rock of Love. Jesus didn't only teach us how to love, but He showed us how to love through His actions of love. So it isn't any wonder that if we base our own walk upon those same actions of love nothing can destroy marriage.

Many marriages are unhappy because they are wishy-washy; full of unprincipled actions and desires, mixed with unmet emotional needs that aren't and can't be met, all because the marriage is based upon the foundation of self. Many couples stumble into marriage not knowing or caring what their responsibilities and purpose for the marriage are. But these are the things we need to figure out for ourselves so we can walk the love walk.

Marital issues will not get the attention they deserve when couples do not apply the proper foundation to get the matter resolved appropriately. Therefore, more problems arise, resentment ensues, hearts become hardened and divorce settles in. At this point, the grass can seem greener on the other side of the fence. But is it? No! It's only a mirage.

A typical scenario of a self-based marriage goes something like this. Couples wonder around aimlessly to find contentment, and some sort of direction to stabilize their chaotic lifestyle. Something is missing from their life and the more they try and sponge the missing pieces off their spouse, the more that spouse feels confined, confused and empty.

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Marriage needs giving of each other, not sponging off of each other. When we constantly only want to get rather than give, we are literally pulling the life out of our spouse.

After awhile, neither spouse will get the love they so desperately need, and eventually one or both will seek outside influences to fill their emptiness. Whether through infidelity, over-eating, pornography, drinking, negative emotions, etc. But these things pull couples even further away from each other emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically.

I encourage you to think about and do those things that you can do for the marriage that will pull you closer to one another. Working on ourselves is the first step towards being a loving and giving person.

Ask yourself. What do I value about myself? Is it my job? My career? My looks? My house? What about valuing yourself as a child of God and then working on being that person? Ask yourself? What do I really need for myself to make me happy? Attention from others, love from others, food, drugs, alcohol, another spouse?

No, these things don't make us happy and content! These things control and overpower the person we are. Don't you see? We put so much trust in these material and physical possessions and feelings, and then use them for anchors when times are tough. What has God made for us? What anchors can we apply into our marriage that is made by God?

The Rock of Love is a living and beautiful part of our walk in life, if we so accept it. Everything else is dead. Ask yourself. What do I believe in for my marriage? Divorce? Infidelity? Trust? Respect? Commitment? Do I believe in what I see in the world to be right for my marriage? What is my real purpose for my marriage? What responsibilities and duties does God want me to fulfill for my marriage?

If you are a Child of God, then choosing to love God first would and should be your first priority, which is taking care of yourself! Then you can finally go back and walk the love walk with the person you married.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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