​Towards the end of 2012, I ended up playing five a side football, and this was a time in my life when I was experiencing a lot of anger. It was during this time that I was involved in an altercation.

The person who was there to let the players know when they were going on and coming off lost their temper, and I matched up to it. Shortly after this took place, I wondered how this had happened.

Two Parts

I knew that what had happened was simply a reflection of what was going on within me, and that this had caused me to have this experience. I felt guilty and as though I had let myself down.

A number of the people there could see that I wasn’t to blame and this person even apologised afterwards, but I knew that there was more to it. All this anger had been building up within me and it had to come out.

A Bad Emotion

One of the main reasons why I felt bad for getting angry was that my father told me to not get angry when I was growing up. Anger was seen as something bad, which meant that I didn’t have a healthy relationship with my anger.

And as my father had passed on the year before, I felt sad that I had gone against him in this way. This was a time when I wanted to feel close to my father, and displeasing him (even though he was no longer alive), made me feel even more disconnected from him.


However, even though I was made to feel bad for getting angry, I had every reason to be angry at this age. This was a time when my boundaries were not respected and I was seen as an object.

The ager I experienced was justified, but I was conditioned to believe that I was the one with the problem. This set me up to be a people pleaser and to go along with how I was being treated.

It All Made Sense

As time passed, I came to see that the reason I was carrying so much anger was due to what happened to me as a child. The trauma that I had experienced through being violated as a child had come up to the surface.

So, when I got in touch with what was underneath the anger, I felt powerless, exposed, and fearful, amongst other things. Simply focusing on the anger itself wouldn’t have solved anything; I needed to deal with what was taking place at a deeper level.


When I started to work with a therapist called Vijay Rana towards the end of 2014, I gradually began to integrate my aggression. This was someone who gave me the positive regard that I needed to embrace this side of my nature.

A little while after we had worked together, I found that I still didn’t feel safe; it was as if I was boundaryless. This wasn’t just about me learning how to say yes and no, for instance, it was about me feeling safe in my body.

Another Route

For a little while I had focused on my mind and the emotional body, and I started to think that I needed to try a different approach. As a result of this, I ended up getting back in touch with Tanmaya George, a healer/teacher who I had worked with when I did somatic experiencing.

I told her about what was going on for me and she recommended something called Life Activation. I soon noticed that my boundaries had improved, and after this I got in touch with a healer/therapist called Ben Ralston.

A Clear Understanding

I spoke about that I was going through and he knew exactly what I was talking about. It didn’t end there, though, as he had the ability to assist me in developing boundaries and letting of of my anger.

What also played a part in allowing me to let go of my anger was something called Total Release Experience (TRE). I was looking to try yoga again and I ended up coming across a technique that could heal trauma.

The Perfect Scenario

I soon came to see that this technique was easy to learn and it didn’t cost an arm and a leg either. Once I had been to two sessions, I was ready to try the technique at home.

I was amazed that I had found a technique like this just down the road from me, as I had generally worked with people who lived miles away. I now had a technique that I could use no matter where I was and it wouldn’t cost me a thing.

Author's Bio: 

Prolific writer, author, and coach, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand five hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. His current projects include 'A Dialogue With The Heart' and 'Communication Made Easy'.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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