I Feel Ignored By My Husband: I Want To Feel Loved By My Husband

He smiled at me. I tried to smile back but it was hard to fake it. I didn't even want to look at him. I kept looking away. How can he just forget about what happened? How can he be so insensitive to what I feel? How can he just say those things to me and act like nothing happened?

Thoughts and images of what happened that morning kept playing in my mind. I tried to brush it off but it kept coming back. He attempted to pull me close to him to kiss me but I was as cold as ice. I felt bad for him but I couldn't help it.

He went back to his computer and I felt worse than ever. I wanted him to pursue me more. I wanted him to know how much he has hurt me. I wanted to go to him and hug him but something was stopping me.

Can you relate to me? Have you been in this situation? For sure you have been, and for sure it has happened several times and even continues to happen until now. This is who we are as women and as wives. When we get hurt we detach. It is our way of expressing our frustration and making a statement. We are not switches that can be turned on and off. When we get hurt, we need some time to get back to feeling good again.

Reality is... our husbands don't get it and they never will. They don't have time to play our games. They don't have the sensitivity to feel what we feel. They will move on even when we want to linger in our emotions.

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It took me some time before I finally understood this, let alone accept it. It took sleepless nights and heated arguments before I finally got it.

Our hurts may be valid. Our husbands may be in the wrong. Yet, most of the time, the hurts that we feel are the result of lies that the devil has planted in our thoughts. I may feel hurt over my husband's rudeness towards me without realizing that he was going through some internal struggles himself. I may feel that my husband is blaming me without realizing that he is actually frustrated with himself.

One thing we have to understand and something that I have to constantly remind myself is that men were not designed to cope with emotional problems like we do. In fact, most suicide victims are men, simply because they have weaker coping mechanisms to emotional problems. Women can talk about their problems and they will start feeling better. Men don't talk about their inner problems and issues. And when they do talk about it with their wives, they can't even express it the way it really is. They come out in the form of anger, rudeness, and even detachment.

More than all these, what I want to remind you is that we have an enemy out there... an enemy who hates marriages... an enemy who will do everything to destroy marriages. And just as he did to Eve, he will attack you first. He will play with your emotions, which he is very good at. He will use on you the same tactic that he used on Eve. He will whisper in your ear... "Could it be that???" You will hear it over and over again. His motive is for you to feel hurt so that you will detach yourself from your husband. Then he can attack your husband and your marriage. As I wrote in my previous article, his scheme is always to "divide" and then "conquer".

Tell me... if you have hurt feelings towards your husband; is it easy to make love to him? Not at all! As a matter of fact, you don't even feel like being close to him. Am I right? And you and I know very well how important sex is to our spouses. This is why the devil will try to take that sex away from your husband by attacking your emotions. Paul himself validated this by saying in 1 Corinthians 7:5...

Do not refuse and deprive and defraud each other [of your due marital rights], except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, so that you may devote yourselves unhindered to prayer. But afterwards resume marital relations, lest Satan tempt you [to sin] through your lack of restraint of sexual desire.

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The devil knows fully well how women can linger in their emotions. It is so natural for us. We can just think of a hurt feeling and instantly we can remain there for hours, days, weeks, months, and even years. Do you think that women with depression just acquired it for a day? Of course not! They have entertained their hurts for so long. This can easily happen to any of us. If we don't brush off these hurt feelings quickly, it will stick to us like glue and find its permanent place in our hearts and minds.

God gave me no choice but to learn to release my hurtful feelings to Him as quickly as I could. He gave me only two choices: to remain in that hurt or to have sleepless nights. I chose to release my hurts to Him. It didn't happen overnight though. It took crazy nights of wanting to fall asleep only to realize that it was already 4 in the morning. It took heated arguments, which of course added to the hurts and growing resentment. It was a process, and honestly, some days I'm better, while some days I have to ask more of God's grace and strength.

My advice to you is this: If you feel hurt or have any feeling of resentment towards your husband, bring it before God right away. Cry it out to Him and leave it with Him. Don't keep it within you or it will turn into bitterness later on. I don't suggest talking to other friends about this, unless they are very strong women of God who will lead you to the right path instead of just wallowing in your misery. Then release forgiveness.

The devil for sure will make you remember the hurtful words said. He will play it over and over in your mind. When he does this, say: I have already released forgiveness. Hallelujah!!! Meditate on a Scripture that will keep your mind focused on Jesus and not on what the enemy is deceiving you with. Two Scriptures that surely help me are: The joy of the Lord is my strength (Nehemiah 8:10) and In His presence if fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11).

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Another advice I will give you is: Remain in a joyful state because as the Scripture above says, God's joy is your strength. The devil will steal that joy so you will be weak. Protect that joy. And the secret to having that joy is to have an attitude of gratitude. In the midst of your hurts, thank God for your marriage... for your husband... for having someone you can spend the rest of your life with. Think of all the good things about your husband and thank God for it. Thank God even for the not so good things because if not for that, you won't even be where you are. Thank Him for your trials that stretch your faith and make you stronger. Thank Him for being there for you at all times. Thank Him for your salvation. Thank Him for the privilege of communing with Him. Keep thanking Him. Then you will be lifted up from your situation and you will have peace.

Finally, I want you to meditate on these Scriptures below.

Rejoice in the Lord always [delight, gladden yourselves in Him]; again I say, Rejoice!... Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God. And God's peace which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them]. (Philippians 4:4, 6-8)

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Many couples do sometimes need help with relationship problems. A relationship has never failed until one of you gives up. There are many reasons why one party may not want to salvage a broken relationship. If one of the partners has been unfaithful or involved in a crime, it can be very difficult to get past these sorts of relationship problems. But that's not to say that even in these situations a way back can't be found.

After everything that has happened, you can both solve your relationship problems if you still love each other. Love brought you together in the first place and it can do it again. But it won't be easy. It also takes a will to succeed and persevere. It won't happen overnight so you must have patience and willingness to compromise.

Sort Yourself First.

Before convincing your partner to follow your lead, make sure you know where you're going. Clear up your own problems and admit to any faults you might have that led to the current situation. Often, common relationship problems such as poor communication, unreasonable expectations or trust issues can cause resentment to build up. If the blame falls on you, admit it and do something about it. Until you have sorted yourself out, don't try and sort out your partner.

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Look at the problems that brought you to this point from your partner's point of view. Hopefully, you both can sit down and discuss your feelings and hurts. Once you understand how the other feels and view the situation through their eyes, it's easier to mend the hurt and move forward.

Tell Your Partner How You Feel.

When you are trying to save a failed relationship, let your partner know you love and appreciate them. You can do this by focusing on the positive aspects of your relationship. Offer compliments when earned and you will probably get some back. If you make a mistake again, apologize to your partner quickly. It is the person who admits wrong who wins the fight. But bear in mind that doing something wrong can only be forgiven so many times, so be prepared for the repercussions.

Find the time to be with each other, particularly if the lack of quality bonding time is the reason for the problem. Enjoy a common interest or pastime together. This could be a leisure activity, a sport or a household project that was put on hold because of our relationship problems. Being together is one of the best ways to show your partner that they special and that you care about them.

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What men want in a woman is someone who is a dreamer. Someone who is a dreamer aspires to become better than they already are. They are someone who is not content with where they are currently at and are looking to improve themselves. More importantly, they can see into the distant and picture where they want to be and are willing to work towards that goal. Men love it if their woman has a vision that she can provide him with which will give them both some direction to work towards through their years together. Sure, there's nothing wrong with being content right here and now, but having goals to work towards really gets men feeling passionate about their marriage. Why is dreaming so important in a marriage?

1. Self-Improvement

If you dream, that means that you can see beyond the now. You also are able to plan and break up your dream into tiny, actionable steps that are realistic and measurable. You also have ambition, which allows you to try harder than ever before in your job or your life.

Having a married couple where the man and woman both dream is a great thing to behold. There is a certain buzz of energy that encompasses the couple and they're the ones who get the most out of life.

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2. Foresight

Being able to see where you want to go is an important part of being a dreamer. Women who have foresight are pretty common, but what's uncommon is having a woman who is able to get one step close to that vision every day. It takes hard work, but it's doable.

If you're an action taker and you want to get to your dreams sooner, letting your man know what you aspire to is a great way to build your marriage. He can be your accountability partner and see if you're getting any closer to your goal or not every day.

3. The Determination

This is possibly the most important ingredient of realizing your dreams. If you don't have the determination to persevere, then it doesn't matter how often you dream or how great your idea is, you won't get any closer to it.

Expect tough, bad times. If you're realistic and conservative as well, you can also make better and faster progress towards your dreams. But pummeling through the impediments is crucial to getting there. Always tell your man if you're struggling and he'll be happy to support you. Do the same for him too, OK?

What men want in a woman is someone who is a dreamer and an action taker. If she puts in the effort to really chase her dreams, then she'll go far in life. Her man will love her more for that, because two is always better than one when it comes to reaching for higher goals.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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Author's Bio: 

50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage These powerful techniques will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

Do you have a unique situation? Discuss your marriage problems on our forum. We can help you find a great loving relationship! Go to: RelationshipTalkForum.com