I Don't Want To Be Married To My Husband Anymore: When Is Divorce The Right Answer

What's going on with me? "I am so confused! Yes, I want a divorce! No, I don't. Should I work on my marriage? I can't stand being married! Maybe I will file! Maybe my spouse will file! I have to keep my vows! No, I can't keep my vows! God doesn't want me to suffer like this!" Sound familiar? This type of confusion happens all the time. The question is which side are you on? Are you the one wanting the divorce or the one willing to do whatever it takes to save it?

Whether you are the one seeking the divorce or the one hoping to save your marriage, your feelings will be all over the place. At times, you will be confused, hurt, and depressed. There will be days you will not be able to get out of bed and do the things you normally do. Going to work will be hard for you. You will be sensitive, emotional and angry. Emotions will flood your mind. You may wonder why this thing called divorce hurts so much. Many will clam up and avoid family and friends. I remember when I went through my divorce I was embarrassed and I felt like a failure. What would my friends and family think of me? How could I tell my siblings and parents? I was numb and I felt so distant from everyone. I didn't know what to expect minute-to-minute, hour-to-hour, day-to-day, week-to-week and month-to-month!

I had little energy to do the things I needed to do. Everyday normal activities including working and raising my daughter were difficult. I was just too emotionally drained to do the things that really mattered. Experts say that 85% of your energy is lost during the initial stages of divorce. Whenever my ex-wife called, my emotional energy came to life but would quickly fade after we talked. The ups and downs were taking their toll on me. The big question I constantly asked myself was, "Am I ever going to get back to normal?" I knew I could not continue living in pain.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

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Even though my friends meant well, at times, their words hurt. I remember a close friend of mine trying to encourage me. "Come on pal, get a hold of yourself! You should be getting over this divorce! What's it been, 4 months?" he said. I know he meant well, but nonetheless, his words cut deep! People who have not been through divorce do not understand the pain you're going through and at times will say hurtful things. Do you have a list of hurtful words? I certainly do.

• "She wasn't your type anyway! You can do better!"
• "I heard about her reputation and it's not very good."
• "She never treated you right and I never liked her because of that."
• "Play the field and find someone that has the same interests."
• "You two didn't have anything in common anyway."
• "She had mental issues so be glad she's gone."
• "She only married you for your money and everybody knew that."
• "She filed on you? This is the best thing that could ever happen to you!"

Hurtful words can impede the healing process. At times people will impose their moral compass and challenge your resolve to recover.

Inappropriate relationships can also impede the healing process. I counsel my clients to be wary of those who would take advantage of their vulnerability. Men and women alike will use your pain to entrap you in a sexual relationship. This will only complicate matters. You need time to heal which is why I advise against new relationships! Stay away from them! How can you work on a new relationship when you still haven't resolved the issues from your past? New relationships will only mask the real problem and will rob precious healing time needed to recover. It can also prevent you from reconciling with your spouse.

What can you do to get through the initial phase of your divorce? Surround yourself with friends who will support you emotionally and protect you. Find an accountability partner. Women need to find other women to confide in. Men need to find a male counterpart as a trusted adviser. I also recommend a trusted family member to rely on. Make yourself accountable so that during times of discouragement or temptation you have someone to remind you of the commitments you've made. More often than not, even an innocent meeting with the opposite sex can turn into an inappropriate relationship.

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

During this time you should focus on yourself by getting plenty of rest and exercise and turn your attention to your children, if you have them. They will need your undivided attention during this time. Write down your personal goals and what you think you'll need to do to help yourself and children. Give your accountability partner permission to hold you accountable for your actions. These people will be your lifesavers. Listen to them and be willing to talk about the issues they bring up. Your children will be your number one priority so get counseling for them too if needed. Following are some questions to think about as you go through your divorce. Each week I will have questions that will help you through the process.

• What kind of loss did you feel this past week?
• What kind of emotions did you deal with? Anger, rage, bitterness, sadness, loneliness?
• Do you trust the people you share your hurts with?
• What is your biggest fear? How do you plan to deal with it?

Take some time to consider these questions and write your thoughts out on paper. This will help as you process the next steps you have to take.

Are you considering a divorce or has your spouse filed for divorce? Do you need help in deciding your next step? Are you experiencing a difficult time in your marriage and need help? Is your spouse avoiding meaningful conversation with you about the problems in your marriage? Do you want to learn new ways of talking with your spouse about the things that concern you regarding your marriage? Are you thinking about filing for divorce? There will articles in the next several weeks that will address these issues!

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Sometimes you may feel silly asking for it, but help with marriage problems really can make all your problems just disappear. Marriage is a hugely personal thing, so it can be very tough to ask for help or involve an outsider, so check out the tips in this article to fix things before they get that far.

Help With Marriage Problems-1

Set some goals. I know that "setting goals" is often seen as advice given by those corny life coaches etc, but your marriage will honestly be in better shape if you set and achieve some goals for yourself, for example "visit Paris by age 30" would be a good one, or a goal to buy a new car or whatever. The goal in itself is not the achievement, the achievement is talking things over and deciding how to get there together.

Help With Marriage Problems-2

Always work to resolve an argument or disagreement fully. Sometimes it's tempting to just forget about something and let it be swept away so you don't need to think about it anymore. Tempting as it is, this is not really going to help anything. Any unresolved problem will usually come back to haunt you at some point, and it will bring along a healthy amount of resentment with it, which will not help your marriage at all.

What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

Help With Marriage Problems-3

Keep your defenses down. You have no need to worry about your partner criticising you. If it does happen, it's usually only for the best, so you don't need to be ready to defend yourself, or worse turn the argument around and start accusing your partner of things. Your spouse should be the one person whose opinion you truly care about, so if they do have an issue with you, your main concern should be helping them resolve it, and vice versa.

Help With Marriage Problems-4

Never ever manipulate your partner. It's easy to get into the habit of manipulation, even if it's just a little. It's very easy to think "If I mention xxxx, then they will say xxxx, and then I can get xxxx out of it." One of the main qualities of a good marriage is that you trust your partner not to manipulate you like that. It requires no skill to manipulate someone, just a knowledge of who they are and what makes them tick, so please don't do it to your partner.

Next, click here now to find out why your spouse is lying to you about the reasons they want a divorce. Follow the information step by step and you will discover the truth, cut through the lies and pain, stop divorce dead in its tracks, and rebuild the strong, intimate marriage you've always wanted... even if your spouse doesn't want to!

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When marriages start to become a little bit rocky, the parties involved may either stay calm and approach the situation in very subtle manner or they may panic like as if the whole world is on fire and about to become ashes. Nonetheless, panic or no panic you still need to do something about and not wait for your marriage to become a failure. When you start to see tall tale signs that your marriage may be failing, you need to sit down and talk. One of the most common recommendations towards addressing a marriage that might be failing is go see a marriage counselor. That is what some people claim is the most straightforward way in saving a failing marriage. But is it really that effective?

In understanding the facets of saving a failing marriage, there truly is nothing wrong with seeing a licensed marriage consultant and asking him or her about advice on how the solidity of the marriage's foundation can be restored. In fact, some may work but then some may not. The very first thing that any couple should do when they sense a drift in their marriage's passion is to sit and down and talk. In short, hear each other out. Sometimes one party may feel that the other party is responsible but in reality, the fault is with them.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

Marriage is about giving each other equal footing and not letting one party be the dominant voice. This is that one time where you have get rid of your ego and have an open ear and mind for everything. Find out what you have been doing wrong and make a steadfast commitment that you will change it. The same should go for your partner. Compromise and set expectation with yourself and your partner. In the eventuality, that you cannot work things out by just sitting down and talking like civilized people, you need to see someone who can help you and that's when the marriage counselor comes into the spotlight. Remember, both of you need to be 100% decided that you want the marriage to work. The absence of one's commitment to make the marriage work will result to nothing except the dissolution of the marriage.

Last but not the least, always put God as the center of your life and pray for guidance. Saving a failing marriage can never be complete without a little divine help from the Man above.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

People who wear disguises hide who they really are by pretending to be something they are not. While it may be a good trick for a treat if you celebrate Halloween, it is an undesirable treat in marriage. And a disguise is a 'trick' most spouses would gladly do without.

Disguises do for emotional injuries what band-aids do for skinned knees. They cover, conceal and protect. The catalogue of emotional disguises is endless. Virtually any disposition, activity or pursuit can cover up who we really are. And why cover ourselves up? Most of us have experienced things that have caused us guilt and shame. Whether we were violated by another or perpetrated another, the guilt can be overwhelming and the shame debilitating. We question if others really knew what happened to us or what we have done would they still love and accept us. Like Adam and Eve, we cover our unloveliness and do our best to keep it out of the relationships that matter most to us. But when we cover emotional hurt, we also conceal our real need. This poses a challenge.

By covering our hurt, we also hide our real need. Jesus cannot heal that which is left out of relationship with Him and those provided to us for healing. Adam and Eve used fig leaves to hide the hurt, guilt and shame of having lost connection with and the security of God. They needed the benefit of being joined with God. Using fig leaves to simulate the covering and protection God intended to provide only made matters worse. There is remedy for sin, that is, the cross of Christ. And for hiding, there is but exposure.

Consider the wife whose need to be heard translates to cutting her husband off when speaking, completing his sentences and enjoins him in conversation for agreement purposes only. She also becomes impatient, even angry when he does not see things her way. Albeit legitimate, her need to be heard and feel loved has become toxic to the harm of her husband and others. Proverbs 21:9, 19 and 25:24 suggest that it is more desirable to dwell elsewhere than with such a wife. Maybe that's the reason for the advent of "Man Caves"-just saying! Hiding her God-given need to be heard not only results in her pretending that she needs no one, it inevitably causes her to manipulate others to get which she really needs. If she is honest about her need to be heard, she will be able to receive God's answer and help in managing this need in emotionally healthy ways.

And then consider the husband that desires respect. It may look like him being overly accommodating, keeping peace at any cost, refusing to confront wrong, apathy, blaming others or even insisting on his wife observe is headship by complying with unreasonable selfish demands. None of these things are observed in the Lord Jesus Christ. In fact, at one point Jesus told the disciples,

"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many." (Mark 10:45)

What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

According to Paul for husbands,

"... this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God's word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault."

The ability to take a wife as husbands are instructed to do depends on him having first taking himself. That is, the underlying need of many husbands that desire respect is taking responsibility for self. Jesus makes it clear that each is responsible for his own life and choices. Here's what He said in John 10:17,

"Therefore My Father loves Me, because I lay down My life that I may take it again." (NKJV)

Respect is earned through performance. When husbands' personal performance is less than God intends they will suffer disrespect. When they do, husbands will be tempted to hide and disguise themselves. Hiding the need to 'up their game' necessarily leads to manipulating and controlling others to feel respect. Worse husbands will demand respect whether through position, or sheer physical force. When husbands are honest about their need to perform better, it opens the door for help, encouragement and deeper connection with their wives.

Husbands and wives clearly see the limitations in each other. And as long as both are content to cover, conceal and protect themselves they will eventually destroy one another. Paul says it this way in Galatians 5:15 (NLT),

"But if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! Beware of destroying one another."

Disguises are aimed at preserving the very life that Jesus came to reform and restore to His Father. That's why taking them off becomes the real work of covenant and significant relationships. These kinds of relationships are supposed to offer the best climate and conditions for us to come out of hiding and laying down our disguises. Unfortunately, for many of us this has not been our experience. As a result, many do not hold out hope in marriage or otherwise that the possibility of being loved and accepted for who they are truly exists. Hence, the masquerade party continues in marriages, families, friendships and churches.

The truth is we all need help coming out of hiding. Whether God permits this to occur abruptly or gradually, all need the benefit of love and forgiveness. But always, it occurs in relationship with that which we are not. When people feel loved, they take the risk to share the not so lovely aspects of themselves. Love and acceptance drive out the fear of rejection and abandonment, as well as melts the desire to defend one's behavior. We all need the benefit of experiencing this kind of love. And this kind of love makes for emotionally healthy marriages, families, friendships and churches.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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There are specific techniques that will show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your spouse back in your arms- Especially if you are the only one trying... Visit Save The Marriage to find out more.

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