Husband Sleeps On Couch Every Night: Why Husbands Stop Being Intimate

Intimacy is a part of the strong foundation a marriage is standing upon. Over the time through which a relationship matures, interactions and the kind of connection we have changes and often intimacy shrinks back to hugs and kisses and the occasional intercourse. Let's have a look how we can reintroduce intimacy into our marriage.

What is intimacy?

Many people think of intimacy as hot passionate lovemaking but it is much more than that. Definitions vary and include words like close acquaintance, familiarity, having mutual interests of affections, an established friendship, involved in sexual relationship etc.

According to Wikipedia 'an intimate relationship is a particularly close interpersonal relationship and can be defined by these characteristics: enduring behavioral interdependence, repeated interactions, emotional attachment, and need fulfillment.

How does it show?

Intimacy can be communicated through a look, by a touch, with words and without them. Couples have their individual language of intimate communication, which they develop in their relationship. What might be an intimate exchange for one couple might mean nothing to another. Physical intimacy is thought of as romantic or passionate love and attachment, or sexual activity.

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Why does it change?

Without intimacy it is more comparable to a friendship. Based on the nature of how relationships develop it is normal that at the beginning there is usually a lot of physical intimacy. Over time this reduces and sense of comfort and stability enters the relationship. Various reasons like sexual blocks or fears, changes in career or the demands at work, starting a family and meeting the needs of a growing family all can push intimacy to the background.

Reactivate your intimate bond

Like with all the things you value in your life you first have to make them a conscious priority. Set an intent to focus on reactivating and re-energizing your intimate connection with each other. Start by communicating what it is that is important to you, what it is that you like and find out what it is for your partner. Even though you might have been together for years, remember that we all develop and change.

Make and set specific times, for example a date night once a week, where it is just the two of you spending time together. Organize something different each week, one week you, the next your partner. Create an intimate space in your home, for example your bedroom, where you de-clutter anything that isn't needed. Make it your sacred space by adding anything that enhances a sense of intimacy, for example candles, incense, nice relaxing music or cushions. Make sure it fits both you and your partner, so you might want to redecorate it together.

Take time - this is not about rushing into something or making 'it' happen. Leave any expectation outside the house and just enjoy time together. Remember that even though you know your partner, developing greater intimacy is like exploring new territory - you don't know what you'll find so be an interested, curious, understanding and patient explorer. Most of all, have fun!

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Why has Christian marriage gotten such a bad name in the hearts of so many people today? Additionally, our present society suffers from the unexpected side effects of a self-preserving lifestyle. Coupling these two occurrences together, there is little wonder that long-term, romantic unions either fail to last, or much more seldom even get started in the first place.

Yet, for all of us, especially devoutly inspired Christians, there is a way to return the status of your marriage to a state of bliss, enlightenment, and peace. However, whoever makes this out to be an easy task may indeed be fooling you. It's going to require a lot of work on your part. Nonetheless, this entails "divine" work, which in itself comprises a process that can be as enjoyable as it is rewarding.

Now, even in regards to Christian solutions, marital happiness and satisfaction have no one-size-fits all approaches. This is an area in which you, as a concerned and dedicated Christian, must endeavor to learn, practice, then emulate the biblical standards, formulas, foundations, guidelines, and tenets of basic and true Christian lifestyle. These things involve caring for one another, as brothers and sisters, too.

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Also, there exists the obligation to nurture and respect the character, dignity, and integrity of our fellow human beings, even if they are not our chosen, intimate, and special loved ones. Most likely, the latter represents the major challenge for most Christians in our current American society. And, this may highly be due to the fact that we are raised to believe in looking out for number one - ourselves, almost above and beyond anything else in this entire world.

Self-preservation, though necessary at the right times, easily carries with it the tendency to ignore, underestimate, negatively challenge, undermine, destabilize, undercut, or weaken the progress of our cohabitating or remaining society members. Isn't it hard to believe that, perhaps without even knowing it, you or some other seemingly devout Christian who is close to you, can accidentally harm or hurt the progress of another? Even more ironic... the debilitating effects of Christian "forgetfulness" may even harm us, ourselves.

Over the longer haul of life, it pays us as Christians to focus on concepts of togetherness. These constantly reveal themselves through God's everlasting Biblical word... and, by maintaining, returning to, or following fundamental Christian guidelines, we kill two birds with one stone, so to speak, in that in so doing, we boost our own integrity individually, and in the process, we also escalate our marital closeness overall. Consequently, marriage is about closeness... that is, building, reinventing, and strengthening ourselves by creating new ways to tighten our bonds in mutual friendship and recurring love. Yet, as Christians, we can only show by doing.

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In an article released by the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, customers of marriage and family counselors from over a dozen states reported on their experience with family therapy.

The findings suggested that marriage and relationship counselors treated a large range of concerns in relatively short-term fashion. It said that couples therapy and marriage coaching are briefer than specific treatment, which customer satisfaction and practical improvement are rather high.

Particularly, of customers from over 500 marriage and relationship counselors in over a dozen states:

- Over 95% rated services outstanding or great

- Over 90% would recommend their therapist to a buddy

- Over 90% would go back to the very same therapist in the future

- Over 90% stated they were assisted in dealing more effectively with problems

- Over 90% were generally pleased with the service they got

- Over 95% got the kind of assistance they wanted

- Almost 75% indicated enhancement in children's behavior

- Just under 65% reported enhanced physical health

- Over 95% were pleased with the amount of assistance they got

- Just under 55% reported improvement in operating at work

- Almost 60% revealed enhancement in kid's school efficiency

[NOTE] Excerpted from "Clinical Practice Patterns of Marriage and Family Therapists: A National Survey of Therapists and Their Clients", Journal of Marital and Family Therapy.

While the above research study supplies raw information that supports the efficiency of marital relationship and household counseling, a very interesting conversation on the question, "Does Marriage Counseling Work" from a public forum devoted to this subject offers a less medical, but still positive view.

I found that what seems to be an extremely sincere and frank conversation among couples, "who've been there," the response to the question of whether marriage counseling works is a favorable one.

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Will Marital Therapy Work for You?

Regardless of the studies and viewpoints which seem to support the question of, 'Does couples therapy work,' there are those who question its effectiveness.

This got the subject going on the science of marital therapy is being studied in excellent detail these days. Research is showing that it is not as reliable as individuals believe that ladies seem to get more from it than men.

Surely there are times when it may not have a long-lasting result on the couple's marital relationship.

What type of couple gets the most from couples therapy? The response is young, non-sexist, still in love, open couples.

Which couples get the least after finding what seems to the best marriage advice?

Some factors that can make couples therapy not successful consist of couples who wait too long before seeking assistance. I mean that typically one or the other is set on getting a divorce and is closed to any suggestions that may save the marriage.

It appears that couples who seek relationship healing or marriage coaching due to the fact that they want their relationship to work are more likely to prosper with marriage therapy.

Many Do Benefit

Yes, they will benefit more than those who enter into couples counseling with the (maybe hidden) reality that they really more deeply want out of the relationship.

Again as the Course in Miracles further states, "It is still up to you to choose with truth or with illusion. Remember that to choose one is to let the other go."

When thinking about best marriage advice, it's hard not to wonder whether seeing a marital relationship counselor will actually work.

An honest marriage psychologist would agree that the inspiration of a couple might be the single most crucial aspect in identifying the success of marital therapy.

It's not likely that even a fantastic counselor would be able to conserve a marital relationship where one spouse really doesn't want to put in the effort for relationship healing.

The best marriage advice you find from a marriage therapist can most likely help a couple who are utterly devoted to making their marital relationship work.

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We all have particular Character traits that make us who we are. These are the virtues and vices that we carry around in our heart and mind. The question is are we actually using our virtuous character traits to live our life with? Or are we allowing our vices to overwrite the virtues of who we are?

Are we awarding our marriage with the importance it deserves or are we behaving lazy by not contributing the positive aspects of our self into the marriage? Ask your self. Who am I? What does my marriage mean to me? Am I done growing? Am I happy with me?

I don't think we ever stop growing spiritually or mentally. I believe we continue to learn and to grow until we pass on. The amount of spiritual and mental growth we accomplish is all up to what we believe in and what we do with those beliefs.

If a person doesn't place too much importance on their marriage they tend to base their marriage upon certain vices and indulgences to feed their ego. In other words, they haven't figured out yet, that happiness is up to them and what virtues they bring into their marriage not what vices they support the marriage with.

Our potential in life is much greater than we allow it to be and we actually stunt the spiritual and mental growth process by way of our mind. Our mind becomes consumed to live on the physical realm of feelings to such an extent that we don't know we can also feel good on the spiritual level as well.

We concern our selves with what FEELS good physically, what tastes good to our taste buds, and what looks appealing to the eyes, and yet, what about the spiritual mind, and learning to live our life under the support of God's world?

Let's explore the difference between virtues and vices.

In this article we'll take a look at faithfulness vs. adultery

Faithfulness is a virtuous character trait. Not everyone can be faithful in his or her marriage. There are those who place less value and importance on who they are. Unfortunately the health and welfare of marriage is up to what a person brings into it, how they feel about self, and what they believe in.

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Those people who are spiritually aware are those who use the potential within them and who ultimately have better marriages. The reason for this is they bring upright and moral character traits from self into the marriage. They make their marriage what it is, good or bad, by what foundation they use to base their marriage on.

The world is a tempting place to all couples in marriage, and there are good-looking guys and gals everywhere that will tempt us to be with them sexually, and yet, not all married people commit adultery!

The difference between the adulterer and the faithful spouse goes back to the virtues and vices within them. The person who commits the act of adultery has not grown out from self in a spiritual way but has stayed within the selfish aspect of who they are. Selfishness usually doesn't understand the commitment of marriage, respect, honesty and trust. It is too selfish to comprehend those virtues of character.

Selfishness and rebelliousness runs rampant in marriages, which is the root of most divorce in this society.

This is not to say that they cannot expand their horizons someday and grow out from self and learn to be of more virtuous character either. All I am saying is these people still need to grow spiritually and mentally. And then again, a number of people never decide to take the virtuous path and so end up living their life not knowing all they can accomplish for them selves and for those around them. This is called being spiritually stunted.

What makes a person succeed does not stem from what one does such as career, money and or power but by what one is, which is the virtuous character traits of that person. If they have expanded their spiritual paths by learning to live by virtues rather than vices and still be happy and content with themselves and life, they have succeeded.

Too many people misunderstand the meaning of success, thinking it has something to do with how much money one has or that their mortgage is paid off. Anyone can have those things with the right ambition but not everyone can have virtues of character.

Now on the opposite side of faithfulness we have adultery. So then what is the difference between the faithful spouse and the spouse who commits adultery? The faithful spouse does not live by physical but by virtues of character; which has been given to them through spiritual learning and growth.

In other words, virtue of character overwrites the sinful temptations of the world. They do not allow the temptation or desire to supersede over the virtuous mind within them.

The repeated adulterer(ess) doesn't place too much value upon who he is. It may seem to others that he does regard himself highly but really he is hiding behind a cloak of deceit, mostly to him self.

In a peapod, life and what we make of it will always come back to the value of self. And if you have already read any of my articles you know that I place high importance on fixing self FIRST. Only then can we get to the root of the problems and circumstances that surround our life.

In other words, until a person grows out from the selfish aspects of who they are, they will live in their weakness, feeling bitter, unhappy, and hopeless. To them their only hope is the pleasure they receive from their vices. But there is hope.

Once a person understands how to grow out from the negative and destructive vices of self, the sooner they can begin to use the potential within them. Which are his virtues of character.

Know and believe this, everyone has a spiritual aspect of self hidden away within him or her. God provides us with spiritual tools such as faith, self-control, patience, love, kindness, and peace to help us to grow out from the selfish aspects of self.

The question we might ask ourselves then is are we using our vices or virtues to live our life by? Am I happy with me?

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

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