Husband Never Says Anything Nice: Husband Compliments Everyone but Me

Husband Never Says Anything Nice: Husband Compliments Everyone but Me

Every marriage needs a healthy dose of on-going romance to add spice, delight, and fun to the relationship. It's not enough to just start out with a sizzling romance. You have to find a way to keep the romance alive as the months and years accumulate.

One of the marital challenges many couples face is how to live together without losing that special romantic spark. It's all-too-easy to lose the role of lover along the way. When this happens, spouses often start relating to each other as they would to a friend or a sibling. Parents can begin to feel they are only "business partners" joined together to raise their children and keep the household running.

How can you keep romance alive when your daily work schedule is grueling, you're always short on time and energy, and you're not sure what to do? Here are ten tips to help you sprinkle romance into your marriage:

1. Pay attention when your spouse mentions things he or she likes or expresses interest in something that could make a good gift, such as a new CD, a book, or theater/concert/sports tickets. Be on the lookout for ideas for birthday, holiday, and anniversary gifts, plus "no reason" surprise gifts. It's very flattering to know that someone really tried to find a gift that was just what you wanted.

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2. Frequently offer foot massages, shoulder massages, and full-body massages to your spouse. You'll get plenty of romantic brownie points in your "relationship bank account" if you keep some great-smelling lotion handy and take ten minutes to massage your spouse's tired feet at the end of a long work day. Note: If you expect to be rewarded for your efforts by sex, you won't accumulate any points for being romantic. Your spouse will just think you have an ulterior motive when you offer a massage in the future.

3. Giving sweet cards and letters to your spouse can be romantic, as can emails and phone messages that share your feelings and passion. Handwritten letters sent through the mail are becoming more and more of a rarity. That's good for you because that means your spouse will think you're really romantic for taking the time to write a love letter by hand and mail it. That will make more of an impact than just sending an email if you want to get extra brownie points.

4. Another way to be romantic is to look for opportunities to pamper and spoil your spouse. That might be letting a spouse sleep in late while you watch the kids, or it could be telling your partner to sit down and relax while you clean up after dinner. The key is in the delivery of the offer. You might say, "Nothing's too good for my sweetheart" or "You're such a love. It's fun to pamper you." You can accompany your words with a hug or kiss

5. Talking in front of your spouse to someone else about your partner's good points is romantic. Take full advantage of opportunities to say, 'I'm so lucky to have such a supportive wife (or husband)--she's such a treasure. I'm a lucky man." You can also do this when you're talking on the phone and know that your spouse is within listening range. If you're not sure your partner heard you, when you get off the phone ask, "Did you hear me telling my sister what a great husband you are? I was really bragging on you!"

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6. In the romance department, flowers, plants, candy, or a special home-cooked meal never go out of favor. Many females love to receive beautiful fresh flowers or a box of delicious chocolate candy. Both husbands and wives can appreciate the efforts of a partner to put together an intimate, special home-cooked meal by candlelight with music playing and flowers on the table.

7. Surprise your spouse with a framed picture of the two of you in a setting that will bring back pleasant memories. Another option is to frame a picture of your spouse that shows him or her in a flattering way and let your partner know how much you love the photo. Keep it on your nightstand, computer, dresser, or desk and let your spouse see you looking at it admiringly.

8. Take the initiative to plan a surprise weekend outing. Call and make all the arrangements ahead of time. The outing doesn't have to be expensive or complex. It might be as simple as planning a picnic at a nearby scenic spot. You might prepare the surprise picnic lunch when your spouse is in the shower. Or you might make arrangements for a restaurant to pack a gourmet lunch for the two of you that you could pick up on your way out of town.

9. Music that you and your spouse both like can set a romantic tone. If you see a movie that you both enjoyed a lot, you might consider buying the sound track as a surprise gift the following week. You could also select a song that you both like and decide to make it "your song." Or you could pick a song and tell your spouse that it reminds you of him or her for some positive reason.

10. Celebrate every occasion you can think of--the anniversary of the day you met, when you became engaged, your marriage anniversary, your birthdays, seeing the full moon, and anything else you can come up with. You can toast with champagne (or non-alcoholic champagne) and perhaps have a celebration meal. But it can be just as fun to make a big deal out of going out for an ice cream cone to celebrate.

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The first thing I ask when a wife asks me "Can I get my husband to love me again" is how sure she is that her husband is not wondering how to make her love him again. Did you think about that angle in the marriage?

It is heartbreaking to be in a marriage when you love your spouse but do not feel the love in return; that really is a tough spot to be in. And many times it is exactly what it seems to be, one sided love.

Whatever happened to the marriage vows and unconditional love?

Unfortunately a lot of things happen after the rice is tossed, the wedding cake eaten and the thank yous mailed. Life is what happened when you made other plans.

For many people, no matter how a job starts out, eventually it sucks. That is why they call it work and not play. We have a tendency to bring our frustrations home to our families.

Sometimes we even treat our coworkers better than our spouse or family members; probably because at work we have our game face on, climbing the corporate ladder or just surviving.

A husband and wife may even drift apart and stop doing the things for each other that each was excited to do when love was new. Maybe one or both even start daydreaming about someone else; possibly even taken action in that regard.

Next thing you know, you are asking can I get my husband to love me again.

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Let us look at an answer from a different angle.

Are you sure that your husband is fully feeling the effects of your love for him? Might he be asking can I get my wife to love me again?

It is not uncommon for one spouse to begin neglecting the show of affection to the other and the other spouse then naturally withdrawing in a similar way.

Now, all of sudden, neither husband or wife feels as if they are loved by their spouse.

You might have to be the first to change.

Reach out to your husband with some small, seemingly insignificant, indications that you care for him. Find excuses to touch him, a slide of your hand across his back, a rub of the shoulders, play with his hair (if present).

Do not make a big deal out of it at first, just casual, as if there is no reason you would not do something like that.

Then, despite your busy schedule, make some time for him. I know, everyone is way too busy and there is no time and no energy left over for your marriage. That is probably what started this problem in the first place.

But make an effort to make time for your husband and ask him if he can make time for you too. Do something together you always used to like to do but just don't anymore. Reconnect as people first, lovers later.

Do not rush anything or apply pressure. We would all like to solve our marriage problems overnight but that rarely happens. It will take time to undo what took time to do.

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The very best gift to give your beloved for Valentine's Day is your time and attention. If you have gotten into the rut of giving a card, roses or chocolates (if you give anything at all), you may have become complacent in your most important relationship. It is easy to settle into a boring, but comfortable routine of work, dinner, tv, bed, and start all over again the next day. Very little real interaction takes place between you and your spouse. If couples want to have a healthy marriage and avoid marriage trouble, the best course of action to take is to pay attention to the marital relationship and not take it for granted.

Couples that are settled into a stable marital relationship that has become stale can utilize Valentine's Day and February as a romantic backdrop to develop their own marriage enhancement initiative. By deliberately attending to their marriage, a couple can re-invigorate and revitalize the energy in their relationship. They can rediscover the romance and the connected sense of "us". This can be accomplished by following the marital advice of devoting time and attention to the relationship.

An initial focus of these marriage enrichment efforts could be well spent by defining and dedicating a special time to communicating with one another. Many times when we hear about couple communication, we automatically think of learning how to fight fair, learning to problem solve effectively, or learning how to listen. All these things are involved in couple communication. However, much of the important relationship interactions that feed the positive feelings in a relationship are the neutral, supportive, or "just connecting" types of communication. These can include holding hands, talking about shared experiences, kind and simple gestures that you do for each other, sharing something you learned or are thinking about, planning for the future, etc. All communication is not conflict oriented. Having fun together goes a long way to restoring positive feelings and a sense of connection and avoiding marriage trouble.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

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Sometimes when a lot of time has passed without significant interaction in a relationship, it may take a conscious, deliberate attempt to get past the awkwardness to set aside a "sacred time" to devote to the relationship. Yet, to do so, marks the first step in restoration of positive feelings and building or restoring the good marriage. Marriage enrichment approaches might involve a "date night", or a couples' communication exercises like a couples' daily feelings meetings or a semi-structured format like "The Honey Jar". It could also involve a formal marital enrichment program or weekend, or couples' counseling.

When the communication starts rolling again you may discover couple activities that you want to do together, and initiate a routine of those activities (i.e., ball room dance lessons, community little theater involvement, fishing, etc.). Relationships where partners share similar interests, spend time together, and routinely communicate and problem solve tend to have higher marital satisfaction and marital stability over time.

Good things begin to happen in a marriage when couples devote deliberate, conscious attention to the relationship. Partners who dedicate a time for the relationship usually find that the cohesion and commitment in the relationship are strengthened.. Couples, secure in their commitment and in their perception of being loved and supported, tend to feel confident in their ability to weather the changes that their marriage will go through over time. When you are in a happy vs. distressed marriage, not only your emotional health, but even your physical health is likely to be better.

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I counsel and divorce-coach many men and women going through divorce in a year's time. One thing I hear repeatedly from many of the women I counsel is that they got talked into a divorce by well-meaning friends. I have found that some women live vicariously through a friend going through a divorce. They have a tendency to encourage others to seek legal counsel and if the truth were to be known, they themselves most likely are in a fragile marriage! Friends may not give sound advice and may secretly want to make sure that others suffer as much if not worse than they do. I see this all the time in my counseling and divorce coaching practice.

I recall a female client whose friend lied to her about her husband being gay. This so-called friend lied when she said she saw her husband and his best friend holding hands at a restaurant. My client believed this woman and found out too late that her friend hated her husband with a passion and lied. When her friend was confronted by a pastor she insisted her stories were true. When pressured for specific information she could not answer and the truth was finally exposed. Unfortunately, the damage had been done. Meanwhile my client told her friends she believed her husband was gay without checking out the facts. Her friends urged her to file for divorce, which she did.

What saddens me the most about this story is that the husband loved his wife very much. She broke this man's heart, divorced him and destroyed any chance of reconciliation. She remarried soon after her divorce and later found out that the man she divorced was telling the truth all along.

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When someone tries to convince you to divorce your spouse, ask yourself these questions:

Are they in a bad marriage themselves?
Are they recently divorced?
Are they separated?
Are they cheating on their partner?
Are they newlyweds?
Are they at odds with your partner?
Are they trying to set you up with one of their friends?

If the answer is yes to any of these situations, then run as fast as you can from these people. They do not, I repeat, do not have your best interest at heart. They are living through you and will possibly destroy your marriage. Find people who are neutral and will not take sides. Do lots of fact finding. Ask questions of your spouse. Many marriages have been destroyed and torn apart by gossip and lies. Many marriages can be saved if you take the time to do the research yourself. Why not give your marriage every chance it deserves to survive? Yes, every marriage has its problems but most marriages can be saved if you're willing to do the work and make it happen.

Following are some questions you should ask yourself:

1) Are you willing to try one last time to save your marriage with proper coaching and counseling?
2) Do you need guidance to learn how to save a dying marriage or end one?
3) Does your marriage need someone who can help you discover how to communicate better?
4) Are you having a difficult time forgiving your partner?
5) Do you want a divorce and need help with the next step?

There are well meaning friends, who really do care for you. Be careful with the advice they give you. It can cost you more then you will ever know. The pain of divorce can last a lifetime, make sure the advice that you receive is in your best interest. I think that couples need to look at every aspect of their divorce. What will it do to each other, your children, your families, your friends. Once the cord is cut, it's very difficult to reconnect with each other.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.