Hurry Up and Relax!

Hurry up and relax! I saw this on my Mary Engelbreit's calendar and had a good chuckle. Every day this week, I think I am going to get everything done and then go sit and relax by the pool. Well that didn't work so then I just forced myself to go sit outside but even though my eyes were closed, my mind was racing about what I could be doing instead. Or even worse, what I would do once I got up from this chair. Sigh.

Sound familiar? Here it is July and how many of us are hurrying up the "to-do" list so we can relax? Isn't summer supposed to be more laid back? I don't think there is a summer attitude anymore. My "to-do" lists drive me daily, monthly, and seasonally!

The truth is that it's not the lists actually, is it? I bet you are thinking it's the mind, the thoughts. That is partially true. Our thoughts do play a big part of part of this process. It's actually our ingrained patterning or deep-seated belief systems that are imprinted at an early age and then shape our personalities, choices, relationships, opinions, etc. as adults.
We also learn coping mechanisms by watching our parents. Some of these methods are helpful but most just cause more stress because no one taught your parents how to deal with the demands of life except their parents and so on the frustration goes.
One way I have used in the past to relax while I work, is by witnessing my emotions. When I get tired, angry and impatient, then I know I am allowing the task to cause stress. By breathing and checking inside, this break will shift me to relax. Another way is that I catch my thoughts wandering to what I need to do after I finish this task and then focus on what I am doing at the moment. That brings me back to the present and better balance.
But the thing is, this dance keeps happening constantly! These challenges return over and over, every day. So, I wondered what if I could probe into these deep-seated beliefs and clear out this stress inducing behavior? What freedom it would bring!

So here is what I have found to work. I make a statement about something I want to do and then wait and watch what thoughts surface that is negative. These "voices" as I call them are the imprints that are keeping me from being in power of my happiness. The key is to create a relaxed, loving, non-judgmental space as you say the statement so that these deep-seated parts of you can show up.
For example, let's take a house chore such as vacuuming. This chore is my least favorite and it just drains me. So I pull out the vacuum, shift into being present in Presence, feel relaxed and I say, "I enjoy vacuuming." Right away, the first thought is, "No, you don't! You hate it! It's a waste of time." Ah, ok. Here is the first resistance: I don't see any value in this chore.
Now if you remember, I've listed the steps before in other newsletters about how to heal this part of you who is resisting. However, I am always tweaking the process so hopefully reading the steps again will still be worthwhile for you to read.

1. Acknowledge: Always validate the message you hear without judgment or criticism. I say ,"Hello, I hear your message. It's ok for you to hate vacuuming and see it as a waste of time."

2. Allow: Then just be with this message. Note how it feels and keep owning the feeling. When it starts to subside, then move on to the next step.

3. Appreciate: Shift and see this negative feeling or pain from "it's" point of view. Have compassion for it. It takes a lot of energy to hold on to resistance. I believe this exiled part of me has been willing to stay in this painful existence, without love, until I am ready to hear it. I see this step as if I am sitting with a good friend and listening with compassion. This is a very powerful moment for me and I get such relief at this stage.

4. Invite: Talk to this part of you and tell them it's ok now to let go of this resistance. Ask if it would like to return a loving heart space you are holding for it to step into. This is when you'll feel an amazing rush of energy as it disappears.

Now, I restate the statement, "I enjoy vacuuming" and see what else shows up and start the process over again. I can move through the steps pretty quickly and you will too after some practice.

But here is what I DON"T DO: I don't talk myself into doing the chore; I don't make an intention statement or try to control an outcome through an affirmation; I don't justify the action and I don't walk away putting it off to another time. Being present with Presence means being with whatever you feel or think in a gentle, sweet way without desires or needs. That's where the healing takes place.
Then the next time I go to vacuum, I check inside and see if there are any resistances to do this chore. If I have worked through the steps correctly, the pattern to cause stress over this is gone. An easy, relaxed, cooperative feeling shows up and off I go without pain.

So the next time you hurry through something in order to relax, stop and choose to BE relaxed as you work. It's such a nicer way to live and you are on your way to living as the empowered CEO of your life.

Avanti! Keep moving forward!

Cynthia Christianson
Self-Improvement Coach

Author's Bio: 

Cynthia has been a certified personal and professional coach for over 10 years. She received her certification from Coach U. Cynthia focuses on bringing emotional relief, healing of physical pain and the waking up from beliefs that block success, joy and healthy relationships.

She is trained in The Body Transcendent work, Focusing, Certified Theta Healer and Core Belief repatterning.

She offers a free newsletter and information about her coaching sessions at her website: www.avanticoaching.com.

Her passion is to work with clients who are ready to form a trusting relationship with their body and make long lasting changes that feel right holistically.