Due to what has been taking place in recent years, it has meant that a lot of people have been starved of human contact. However, there are those who were in this position before all this was going on.

For someone like this, spending time alone and away from others will just be what is normal. This is not to say that this will have made this period any easier, though; it’s just that it won’t have been a massive shock to their system.

A Bleak Existence

By living in this way, there are likely to be moments when they imagine what it would be like to have close connections with others and to even be in an intimate relationship. Even so, this could be seen as something that is out of their control.

The reason for this is that may they have spent a lot of time trying to get close to others, but only got very far. This whole area of their life could make them feel totally powerless and helpless.


At other times, they could forget all about this need, being completely consumed in different tasks. There is the chance that they will spend a lot of time in their head and very little in their body.

This is likely to be something that automatically takes place as opposed to something that they choose to do. As to why they can forget all about this need when they are in their head it’s because their need to connect with others is likely to be found in their body.

Two Experiences

Taking this into account, then, one can have moments when they are aware of this need and feel unable to fulfil it and other moments when it disappears, allowing them to focus on other things. But, even if they are able to forget about this need, there will be moments when the pain of not getting it met will enter their awareness.

During this time, they could feel emotionally malnourished and desperate for human connection. They could have moments when they feel depressed and other moments when they feel edgy and need to be held.

An Inadequate Replacement

This need to connect could mean that they have engaged in casual encounters, with this being seen as their only option. This would have allowed them to get close to a fellow human being but it is unlikely to have been very fulfilling.

They may have felt great whilst it was taking place and, shortly after, felt the complete opposite. As they will have gone from one extreme to another, it is to be expected that they would have felt bad.

One View

If they were to step back and this might not be difficult as their intellect could be well-developed, they may come to the conclusion that someone or something “out there” is holding them back. This could be seen as to why they are unable to get close to others and to fulfil their need for human contact.

Sadly, if they do come to this conclusion, they won’t be able to do anything to change their life; they will simply have to wait and hope that something changes. This is likely to just make them feel even worse.

Another Experience

Then again, they may have been able to get close to a least one person, with this being a time when they soon felt extremely uncomfortable. They will then have achieved their desired outcome but they will have wanted it to end.

What this will have allowed them to realise is that behind their need to experience human contact is an even greater fear of it. Instead of this being something that feels right, it will be something that feels wrong.

A Strange Scenario

If the need for human contact is part of being human and an essential part of what will allow them to survive, let alone thrive, why would they be this way? To understand why this is, it will be necessary to look into what may have taken place during their early years.

This is likely to have been a time when they didn’t receive the nurturance that they needed in order to be able to grow and develop in the right way. This would have left them in a deeply traumatised state.

A Closer Look

At this stage of their life, they may have often been neglected and not developed a strong connection with their primary caregiver as a result. Through regularly being left and not receiving the attunement that they needed, they would have often felt overwhelmed.

The outcome of this is that they would have ended up in a shutdown, frozen state, which would have prevented them from being able to attach and bond with their caregiver or anyone else for that matter and their ability to receive will have been greatly undermined. Furthermore, this stage of their life would have stopped them from developing a felt sense of safety and security and a strong connection to their own body.

Stuck In The Past

These early experiences would have pushed their nervous system to the limit and all their energy would have been focused on surviving, not growing and expanding. Many, many years will have passed since this stage of their life, yet a big part of them won’t have moved on.

This part of them will still see human contact as something that will overwhelm them and cause them to die. It will be experienced as a violation, not something that is good for them.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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