How Well Do You Know Your Spouse: How Well Do You Know Your Husband / Wife

Is it really that important to know your spouse inside and out? How much is enough and how much is too much? Everyone is entitled to some privacy, after all. Just because you are married, does that mean that everything about you is on display or discoverable? To be honest, I'm not entirely sure. Rather than how well do you know your spouse, a better question may be how well should you know your spouse?

My husband and I talk - a lot! We find ourselves telling the same stories over and over. Yet, there is always something that comes up once in a while that we haven't told each other. For example, my husband still has not answer my question about how many girls he dated before me. There is some part of him that wants to keep some secrets. I, on the other hand, don't care. My life is an open book and I really don't feel I need to hide anything from him. I think either choice is fine - it is dictated by the person and how they feel. Some people just are more private than others. Important secrets like whether someone has married before or whether you have $20,000 stashed away should be disclosed. Hiding those types of things can rock the foundation of your marriage - trust and honesty. But, if someone wants to keep the details of their high school romance secret, why shouldn't they be able to?

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I have seen situations where one spouse insists on knowing every small detail and hammers away continuously if the other spouse fails to share. If their spouse doesn't answer, they react badly by becoming angry and jealous, completely overreacting to the situation and creating a fight out of nothing. The non-sharing spouse then becomes defensive and digs in even further. No good can come from this situation and both parties walk away feeling that there is something seriously wrong with the relationship when, in fact, there isn't. They are just different people who have different views.

When you fall in love with someone and form a relationship, the burden is on you to know what type of person you are getting involved with. You need to accept that person for who they are and not to try to change them. If that person happens to be someone who values their privacy or doesn't like to talk about every little detail of their life, then you need to accept it and understand that this is who he or she is. If they aren't sharing something, it isn't because they are hiding it. They just don't want to talk about it. On the other hand, the reverse is also true. If your partner is a touchy feely type of person who believes in sharing everything, you need to understand that and accommodate it to a certain degree. Balance is key. If it makes your partner happy, why should you care if you tell him or her about details from your past?

My advice is to not sweat the small stuff. Important details must be shared - your spouse has the right to know about things which may affect them. However, small things should be let go - one way or the other. Find a balance there and a middle ground which will satisfy both of you.

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Being unhappy during your first few weeks or months of marriage can be dangerous. This unhappiness could develop into something worse. To avoid a sad ending to your ever after story, you should learn little ways about how you can manufacture happiness in your marriage. As a guide, here are some essentials that you need to know.

1) Quality Time Equals Happy Time

Although married life means a lot of responsibilities, especially in the financial department; this doesn't mean that you have to drown each other with work. Always keep in mind that you should spend some quality time with each other. If you have kids, make some quality time with the whole family. However, you should also have some time in store alone for just the two of you.

Use this time to talk and catch up with what's going on with each of your lives. Use this time to say "I love you", which is something many couples forget to say once marriage becomes "habit."

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2) Do Something Exciting

Is anyone up for some bungee jumping? How about sky diving? Would you want to go hiking? How about a romantic weekend getaway? Married life would definitely be a happy life if you lead an exciting lifestyle. As mentioned, you shouldn't get all hyped up with work. Do something exciting for the both of you once in a while. A little adrenaline rush won't hurt.

Have these kinds activities planned out. By doing this you and your spouse have something to look forward to. Anticipation is the key. As excitement builds up, the happier the two of you will be.

3) Small Things Matter Too!

Sometimes things get taken for granted in the relationship especially once you are married. Always remember that even the smallest gestures matter! Even something as insignificant as leaving a note for your partner to remind him or her to take his/her medicine means something. Try leaving voice messages on his/her cell phone just to say "I love you" or "I miss you" really brightens up the day!

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A successful marriage these days may seem elusive when reading the statistics on marriages. Even the statistics are listed in the negative. We speak of divorce rates not success rates in our media. Two keys to successful marriage lie in building trust and intimacy in the marriage.

A successful marriage requires both intimacy and trust but will never be found in that order. Early romantic and wildly passionate relationships should not be misconstrued as intimate. Real intimacy is the reward of the process of building trust and understanding in a relationship.

Trust is the foundation of an intimate relationship, not the other way around. Trust can be inherent from the beginning of a relationship but unfortunately that isn't always the case. Individuals come from different backgrounds with previous relationships with previous partners and also family members and friends. There may be obstacles from the past that need to be overcome before the relationship will move to true intimacy.

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Building that level of trust may take a short time or it may take years. Any breach of trust along the way will greatly prolong the process. During the process there must be a shared sense of purpose moving forward. Working through past hurts, insecurities or fears. There must be transparency and openness between the partners. To allow for transparency and openness each partner must feel safe doing so. They can not feel they will be judged or ostracized for their past.

True intimacy is understanding your partner and the desire to please them in the relationship. Their needs and desires begin to be more important than your own personal needs and desires. Once the relationship reaches this level of maturity it will go through a positive transformation where each partner has the desire to honor the relationship rather than be self serving.

With a basis of trust and a spirit of true intimacy the stage is set for a successful marriage. You may need some assistance in getting to this point depending of what issues each of you face from your past. It only takes one partner to begin the process of building trust and intimacy. Now is the time for you to take that first step.

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Some married couples just find it hard to be happy and have a good time. It's true that marriage involves many responsibilities and sometimes problems that you don't expect to come but it all depends on how you handle them and move on with your life.

Talking every day helps. Many busy and working couples are guilty of not being to talk casually about anything under the sun on a daily basis. Because of work, business and the daily household chores including attending to kids, not all couples can find the time to talk. An exception would be at dinner time when everybody is around and updating each other of the day's happenings is possible. But even then, dinner time may not be enough for a husband and wife to talk by themselves.

An ideal time to be able to talk as a couple is before you go to sleep at night. This is one opportunity that can give you the freedom to share your thoughts, feelings and views with your partner. Some couples consider their bedroom their sanctuary or a sacred place where they can just be themselves and connect with each other.

Flirting brings the excitement. When it comes to sex, many couples are facing issues. Some don't have time to do it on a daily basis which can cause one to be upset. Some wives may complain that their husbands are too aggressive they want to have sex everyday while some husbands complain about not being able to have enough sex with their wives.

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If this is your problem, why not try talking sexy every day. This way, you don't need to have to engage in the physical act as doing the talk can already bring you some form of satisfaction. This will spark up your libido and keep you excited over your spouse. Talking sexy means complimenting each other, sharing your fantasies and telling each other how hot you both are.

Maintaining your independence. It pays to enjoy your independence even when you're already married. While some couples find themselves all too tied up in their marriage and can't seem to enjoy what they love to do, there's actually a way to be independent. Being a couple does not mean you have to do things together all the time. In fact, you also need some time to be away from each other to keep your relationship alive.

The point here is to give each other space. Do understand that each of you have different interests and it's important that you pursue your hobbies separately. This is your way of fulfilling your passion on your own that your spouse can't fill in for you. You'll eventually find that being away from each other makes you more excited to see your partner at the end of the day. Keep in mind that despite your independence, when you come home to your house, you'll be a happy and satisfied couple ready to take on life and the challenges that may come your way.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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