Let's define an "impossible person" as a person who seems unwilling or unable to cooperate with you in some way that feels important to you. From your perspective, cooperating with you makes perfectly obvious sense. But this other person seems impervious to your arguments, inflexible in his or her non-compliant decision.

You might try communicating with this person in a caring, respectful manner, clearly explaining what you want, why you want it, even why it is in that other person's best interest to do it. Yet, despite your best efforts this individual appears unchanged, or perhaps even more contrary to how you desire him or her to be.

Then comes the point when you realize that making additional effort to influence or to get through to this person would be pointless.

Life's challenges seem always to be about learning to accept the limits of our graceful control with confidence rather than driving ourselves into self-degrading, agonizing stress and strain in a fruitless, maddening battle against the inevitable. You merely make yourself into a pathetic victim and feel increasingly powerlessness and hopelessly dependent if you press on past this point.

When you reach this point in a relationship, you must discipline yourself to make no more effort to influence the uncooperative person in any way. Though you might feel tempted to lose your temper and fight on, concentrate on clarifying what you need from you instead of concerning yourself with what you wanted from that other person.

Although this often requires that you pass through some fear in connection with your giving in to your lack of control, on the other side of that fear you will surely discover a sacred door of opportunity opening for you as you realize what you really want and your power to achieve it.

With this comes the most delightful experience of a rise in your level of personal power. You just might find this feeling of increased power so agreeable that you actually feel grateful to the individual who denied you of the cooperation you sought, because his or her refusal brought you to this state of great liberation.

You feel far better about yourself in freedom and self-sufficiency, and far worse about yourself in pathetic dependency. The deep joy of greater confidence in oneself immeasurably outweighs the momentary relief of receiving another's aid.

When you worry about losing a personal or even a business connection with another person, your remedy lies in pursuing a deeper connection with yourself. You have within you the power to meet your every need, but you lose that power when you make it someone else's responsibility to support you against that person's will or beyond that person's ability.

You forge a deeper connection with yourself by doing the opposite of what the "impossible person" did. Specifically, seek to really listen to yourself, to understand what you really want, and to do all you can to bring it about for yourself. You have to stop thinking about that other person for a while and concentrate instead on what you really want that neither involves nor depends upon that other individual. You will discover that no one can really ever take away from you more than you can deliver to yourself.

Never waste a thought thinking of any person or experience as a negative. Thinking of another person as unreasonable drains you of power, of motivation, of morale. Thinking of any situation as "wrong" serves only to make it wrong for you, and there is nothing else about it that makes it wrong for you.

If you feel weakened, annoyed, disturbed or in any way distressed by a thought about another person, it is not the other person who needs to change, it is you. You need to change the way you think by dropping the negative thought, for it does you no good. How you think of another person is how you affect yourself with your thinking. Choose thoughts that empower you and train yourself to drop thoughts that dis-empower you. This practice of mental discipline is one of the most valuable things you can do for yourself, and it will benefit you far more than resenting the person who will not give you your way.

Your thought of another person is not that other person. Your thought is your creation. Your emotional reaction to that thought is a reaction you engage. When you think of another person and feel angry or frustrated, you give yourself that experience. If you are not aware of that, you then blame that other person for the way you think and feel about him. This makes you a victim of the other person's choices, instead of a master of your own.

How each person thinks and feels creates a "psychic" atmosphere around that person, transmitting its influence everywhere. In other words, how you feel and think influences the feelings and thoughts of those around you. Science has found that even plants exhibit a change in response to the feeling of the person in their midst.

Now, with that understanding in mind, notice how you feel and think about the so-called "impossible person." See your rage, fear, blame, criticism, condemnation, even hatred as the psychic atmosphere you are generating, as your contribution to the current conditions of the world. Then, instead of focusing on how that "impossible person" is, you focus on how you are, and set to work on improving that.

You make improvement as you pay direct attention to your thoughts and to your feelings, for in that act you deepen your connection with yourself and lessen your dependency upon the other person.

15 Keys To Winning With Impossible People

1. Every challenging encounter brings you the opportunity to learn how to treat yourself better.

2. No one is responsible for how you think of them, speak of them, feel about them, act toward them.

3. Never waste a thought thinking of how someone else thinks about you.

4. The person you find difficult to deal with reveals to you that you have more to learn.

5. Anyone who can make you react is in charge of your.

6. Kindly ask f or what you want or delightfully deal with what you get.

7. Remember the invisible nature of relationships and their endless embrace.

8. You spend time with who you think about, talk about.

9. Maintain your balance when negativity arrives.

10. Chaotic people try to draw you into their chaos.

11. What makes you so hard to get along with.

12. Whose pattern overtakes you when you react with anger or stress?

13. You first give yourself the attitude you express toward others.

14. Practice: maintain your peace and poise; remember: when you lose your peace and poise you lose your power.

15. The more difficult the relationship, the more you have to learn from it.

16. When you feel frustrated in a relationship, ask yourself:

a. What reaction in myself do I need to let go of?

b. What can I do to actually help this other person do better?

c. How will I deal with this type of situation in the future?

Author's Bio: 

Bob Lancer leads individuals, businesses, families, and associations to fulfill their greatest dreams. He does this through a wide variety of venues, including his WSB radio show, Bob Lancer's Parenting Solutions, a show that focuses as much on the raising of ourselves and of our society as on the raising of children. The show has been on the air since 1995 and broadcasts to 35 states over the radio, and worldwide over the internet.

He is the author of numerous books and he has created dozens of motivational recordings on his themes.

Bob Lancer transforms audiences through his dynamic keynotes and seminars on parenting, marriage, and personal and professional development at live events, including conferences around the nation and overseas. He has been leading his audiences to greater personal and professional success as a public speaker, seminar leader, consultant and author for over 20 years and his work has been featured on CNN and other network television stations, in national magazines and in major newspapers.