How To Understand Husband Needs: How To Understand Husband Feelings

Once in a while the opportunity arises to think of our spouse instead of ourselves. These fleeting chances don't come along very often, but when they do, and if we grab them, the warm and fuzzy feeling it infuses in our marriage makes it worth whatever the cost. Here are a few examples of events and opportunities we can look for to deny our own needs and wants inside our relationship, and to enhance the quality of our marriage with very little effort.

We've heard for years that role reversal can be a distressing thing, that when we step outside our assigned spot we invite all manner of disruption and discord. But what if we made the reversal something of a routine, thereby lessening its impact? Say we take turns cooking, or making grocery rounds, or even getting the car, lawn mower, furnace and/or air conditioner serviced. None of those items require a specific gender marker, and our mate will be astonished if we step outside ourselves, get over whatever squeamishness we may have about any of the tasks listed above and, as the ad says, "Just do it!" The look on their face will be priceless.

Ask them what they wish we'd stop doing. This one's tough; we have to be able to listen--we did ask, after all--and what they tell us may not be easy to hear. But they'll appreciate the gesture, and my guess is, that every couple has things they'd like to discuss with each other about minor irritants (or not so minor). My other guess is that we already know the answer, and we're just getting them to confirm what we suspect. In any case, the conversation is always helpful, just for the communication if nothing else. Plus, then you get to tell them something!

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Don't be afraid to solicit advice and ideas from close friends. My wife and I have been amazed at the number of couples who seem almost embarrassed to celebrate their marriage. This self-consciousness about being together is pervasive, and, we believe, corrosive to relationships. Asking others what works for them in terms of rituals, time together, bonding and communicating may elicit stares and stammering from other couples, but it may produce some gems, too. We've been pleasantly surprised at the great ideas couples have for sharing their love and commitment to each other. The other gratifying thing we've learned is that couples with similar values, views, and energy levels attract each other. And it works both ways: negative, acerbic couples seem to enjoy sharing their harsh view of the world; positive, upbeat couples hang with those who share their optimistic, positive view.

Some years ago Carly Simon sang about 'Anticipation'. The song was atop the charts for several weeks, and is still heard from time to time. It's likely that no single effort endears people to each other more in relationships than the simple act of anticipating the others' needs. Many times I've been able to enjoy the look on my wife's face when, as she enters our home after work, the exact meal she hoped would be on the table actually is there waiting for her. It's moments like these that make a marriage endure. And it's all about anticipation. In addition, the effort seems to be not only contagious, it also appears to be self-perpetuating. Call it marital telepathy: the more we anticipate our partner's needs and wants, the easier it is to do the same next time. After awhile it seems to come naturally, like reading each others' minds. It can get downright eerie after a string of such occurrences. Any number of times my wife and I have experienced a similar urge to call each other with specific information, prepared a favorite meal we knew they'd want, or made arrangements to see or do something to please them--well before they asked for it. This could be a rather subjective method of determining the potential for longevity in a marriage: after a year, see how well the pair reads the others' thoughts, and judge from that. Instead of the newlywed game, call it perhaps the first anniversary game instead, at which time the exercise can be performed, and a score tallied.

Finally, not so much self-denial as distraction-denial--kids, television, computers, Wii, hobbies, yard work, tasks of all sorts that can wait--these are the things that need to be secondary to a relationship. These are the things that our mate, our best friend, may want us to put aside, but be hesitant to ask for. Willingness to put them first is always a win-win. Here's the deal: if we'd put those things aside for our best friend--then we should do it that much sooner for our mate.

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When one partner ceases to be sexually intimate with the other, it can become extremely stressful, as the partner on the receiving end often feels unwanted and unloved. This can often evoke feelings of frustration, resentment and even anger and if the situation is not rectified then it can end up in a marriage breakdown. If you are in this situation and you don' t know where to turn then you need to find answers on how to save a marriage without intimacy.

Most people believe that when their partner no longer wants to be intimate with them, they either; do not find them attractive anymore or that they have found somebody else. Nine times out of ten, this is just not the case. More often than not there are other underlying factors that can cause a lack of intimacy in your marriage. If these problems can be addressed and resolved, then it is possible for a healthy sexual relationship to resume.

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Stress can and often does cause a lack of libido, so if you feel that your partner is stressed in anyway then you might need to give them support. It may well be that your partner has a particularly stressful job and is finding it hard to switch off. It may well be that they are harbouring financial concerns, or that they are worried about the safety of their job and the impact that this will have on the family. Do not try to force them to talk about it, as this may drive them further away. Instead, be ready to listen to your partner when they want to vent. Act as a sounding board and tell them that you will support them and are there for them whenever they want to talk. This will send a clear message to your partner that you care for them deeply. If they do come home from work totally stressed out, then try to put them in a relaxed frame of mind. For example, run them a bath or offer a neck massage. This will relax your partner and they will feel more inclined to open up to you.

Everyday living can become very monotonous and it is easy to get sucked up into the daily grind of family life. So for this reason it is very important to make quality time to spend with your partner, away from other distractions. If you can set aside time everyday to have some "one on one" attention then this will signal to your partner that you value your relationship and see it as very important. Maybe sit down of an evening after the kids have gone to bed and do something together. Whether that be watching an old movie, listening to some music or just talking. It really doesn't matter what, but it is important that you do it together. Doing this will strengthen the bond between you and reinforce the relationship.

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Does having a few problems in your marriage mean that your marriage must end leaving you to be lonely and suddenly single again? Not if you are prepared to acknowledge that there are problems in your marriage and you really want to fix them.

If you are saying "what can I do to save my marriage" then you are getting close to being able to do something about getting your marriage back on track. By you saying what you are, you are in a very good position as far as saving your marriage is concerned.

One of the first things that you must do is to get some time on your own to clear your mind. You really need to think about your wife and your marriage and work out what it is that is going wrong. The key focus for your reflective time is to ponder this - "What can I do to save my marriage?" Only then will you be able to think about a plan to overcome your problems.

Now it's time for a "heart to heart" talk with your wife. This will require both of you to do some serious soul searching and to be totally honest with each other. You will be amazed at how effective a proper "heart to heart" discussion can be if you both commit to the process and open your hearts to each other. You really need to work out if you love each other and whether you want to spend the rest of your lives together. If you do, congratulations because you have something to work on. If you are unsure, then you would be well advised to seek some form of outside help.

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These days, you can select from any number of marriage guidance counselors or you could search online for one of the many E-Books out there that are especially designed for couples like you who are asking - "What Can I Do to Save My Marriage?"

There is no doubt that marriage counseling does work, but it is usually a slow and expensive process and it means having to pour your heart out to a third party.

Some couples can save their marriage on their own and others just need a little bit of help. This is where E-Books come into their own. Usually, they are inexpensive with a small one off payment and their main benefit is that the couples can usually follow a step by step process on their own without having to confess all in front of a stranger.

I'm sure you know that in most cases, you would be better of saving your marriage rather than proceed down the path of a divorce. Given that, and if you are sick of saying "What Can I Do To Save My Marriage," do everything you can today to wipe the slate clean and get back to loving each other again just like you did in the early days of your relationship.

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Protecting our marriage from the world is a serious matter and one that both husband and wife need to work on. There are people in the world who simply do not care if you are married or not. They may try to seduce your spouse just for the thrill of it. Ungodly behavior happens every day and everywhere in society. You might be at work, kids soccer game, at the park, or simply doing your daily errands when someone tries to seduce you. What are you going to do about it?

So how do a husband and wife protect themselves from prying eyes, emotional infidelity, lustful stares, flirtatious advances and those who simply wish to break apart what God joined together as one flesh? By being committed to your marriage!

Commitment is not that difficult once we truly understand how God intends marriage to be. Marriage is a union that belongs to God and couples should be trying to protect the sanctity of their marriage every single day by their commitment to each other. The "one flesh" of marriage is a beautiful aspect of marriage that should bond two people physically, emotionally and spiritually. This bond should be so strong that nothing can come between you and the man or woman you married. Without commitment the marriage will have many problems and probably not last.

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)

How will you know if you are committed or not? Well, anytime we really are not committed in our heart about something we do things that do not protect our beliefs. Commitment takes belief in the upright moral values of marriage. One way we allow the world to enter into our marriage is by our own actions. We have to stop and take a look at ourselves. What is our demeanor like? How do we dress in public? How do we behave towards the opposite sex?

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

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What are we showing others when we wear short-shorts, tight jeans, low cut blouses and miniskirts in public? Who are we trying to please, God or ourselves? Modesty is a wonderful virtue; your husband will totally appreciate you for your modesty. It shows him that you care about him and the one flesh of marriage. A woman who dresses modestly is still going to have men look at her, but she is not saying that she is available-big difference here.

How we carry ourselves also shows a lot about how much our marriage means to us. If we are doing something that we shouldn't be doing, such as flirting and staring that says to the world that we are available, and the ring on our finger will not mean a hill of beans. So if we truly want to be committed to our marriage we need to watch how we carry ourselves around the opposite sex and how we dress. This goes for the guys too.

I think it would be safe to say that ninety percent of the ungodliness that is brought into marriage is done by us! Because we are human we will err occasionally but once we know the truth we should be trying to live our marriage for God, not for ourselves.

Married people should practice self-control in all areas of their life and if they accidentally err by looking at someone lustfully or flirting with the opposite sex, they should remove themselves from the temptation before it goes any further! Seriously folks, why stay in a place where you will succumb to lustful temptations? Why continue harming your spirit or marriage over something you know is nothing.

God helps us to have commitment in our marriage. A lot of people don't think they need God and they manage their marriage under their own understanding. But look what is happening to marriage today under our own understanding! We all NEED God to help us to protect our marriage. It is His wisdom, His Truths, and His Formula that keeps our marriage free from the world of lustful temptations. We have to protect our marriage from lust temptations every single day!

If we find ourselves in a situation where others are flirting with us we simply need to give the signal that we are NOT available. If they don't get it then run-leave the place. We must turn away from situations that we know to be wrong or that will lead to what is wrong. We need to pray and ask God for wisdom and insight to help us with our temptations, so we can live His will for our marriage. God will give us the strength to just say no, to lustful temptations!

For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men, teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present age. (Titus 2:11-12)

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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