Once you’ve been dating a man for a length of time, it’s only natural after a certain point to have a desire to transition from casually “dating” to a deeper level of commitment – the relationship stage.

Sometimes this transition happens naturally – but when it doesn’t and you need to broach the subject with your partner – all kinds of buttons can get pressed. Uncertainty about your worth, questioning if you’ll scare him off and other insecurities can easily be triggered – often resulting in this conversation never happening – eeks!

Holding off on this conversation any longer than 3 – 4 months into dating a man will not serve you. This only creates built up resentment and unspoken assumptions - including a world of hurt down the road when your lives have become more blended. If he decides he’s not ready, it’s better to know NOW then later. If he chooses to rise to the challenge and get on board – great! If he decides to walk away – also great! You’ve just saved yourself months or even years of time being with the wrong man, leaving room for the right one to come in.

I guarantee following my 5 simple steps (below) will help ease your nerves and remove any potential awkwardness that might be coming up for you.

Step 1: Be crystal clear how you feel about him FIRST.
Do you feel in your heart of heart’s that you love him or are you feeling insecure for some reason? If you know it’s love, then Proceed to step 2. If needing a deeper commitment is fear based ie: you’re jealous of a previous partner or his female friends, then your first goal should be to heal and deal with that. If you don’t, no matter where you want to take the relationship, he won’t be on board.

Step 2: Does he fit into your life?
Have you already introduced him to friends and family members in your inner circle? If not, why? You want to really check in here and see what’s holding you back from doing this. Sometimes you have trepidation due to “worlds colliding” – or perhaps he has habits/behaviours you know you’re friends might judge and question why you’re attracted to him. If you’re not bringing him into your inner circle, this could be a sign you’re turning a blind eye to issues that need to be dealt with.

Step 3: Define EXACTLY what the “next level” looks like for YOU
Whether it’s marriage, living together or simply blending your lives more, you want to have a clear picture of what you want before you have this conversation– NOT what you think he wants or what will be the least likely to scare him off. Don’t edit anything or assume he can read your mind. Men want to know the WHOLE picture so they know what they are signing up for.

Step 4: Create the Perfect Setting
Where you have the conversation is equally important as what you’re asking for. My recommendation is to have this talk either at your place or someplace neutral – like a restaurant, on the beach etc… Talking about this at his place (his cave and domain) can be a little disempowering – better to stay on your own turf.

And, most importantly…

Step 5: Be Unattached to the Outcome
Your goal is to stay anchored in the energy of openness and allowing him to make the best decision for himself. Do NOT present this as an ultimatum or with a crowbar behind your back, coercing him into what you want. Stay neutral and treat him just like you would a friend.

Queen TIP: He may not give you an answer right away – especially if marriage is your goal. A lifetime commitment is a big decision so don’t get hooked by this or think he’s running away. Most men need a bit of time to pull back and make sure they’re ready to give up their freedom and rise to the challenge of making you happy for the long haul.

Author's Bio: 

Kim Sarrasin is known as the Queen of Hearts and has one mission in life: To heal the hearts of women worldwide and end your suffering with men. Want to learn more about simple ways to attract your soulmate, have more fun dating and discover how you can get all your needs met? Then grab your FREE copy of her audio series "5 Essential Steps For Dating Success” here: http://www.queencoaching.com/lifecycles.html