How To Spice Up Your Marriage After Kids: How To Spice Up The Bedroom After Having A Baby

Parents often become too engrossed with their new babies that they would want to be beside them most of the time. When the babies become toddlers, they then want to sleep together with them on the bed. But when this is practiced longer, it can lead to problems.

The problem with letting your small kids sleep with you all the time is they may no longer want to be separated from you when they grow older. As you allow them to stay in your bed during their growing years, you may find it difficult later on to convince them to sleep in a separate bedroom.

Parents need their privacy but when kids often sleep in the room, this can lead to feelings of resentment and frustration. When this occurs, both the husband and wife can experience stress as they can no longer develop that intimacy which they so desire at the end of the day. They can no longer discuss important and sensitive issues due to distractions.

So you ask yourself then if there is any effective way you can convince your kids to sleep in a separate room. There should be but it may take a lot of practice to be successful in this endeavor. Patience and enticing words are much needed.

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The first step would be to prepare the room for your child or children. Make the room as pleasant and comfortable as possible so it will attract the kids to stay there and eventually sleep there. If you have two kids, for instance, you need to provide two beds or a double deck bed will do. Make sure to display their favorite items there and paint it with their favorite colors. You can get them involved in decorating the room if you like.

You also need to promote this move in order to fully convince the kids. Talk to them in a nice and calm manner about the positive impact of this. Discuss how sleeping in a separate room could benefit them as they're growing up such as they could bond together on their own as siblings and they won't have to sleep alone.

Do follow your regular routine at bedtime. This will let the kids know that you're still there to talk to them or read stories to them before they go to sleep. In cases when your kids have a wide age gap and different sleeping times, make sure to remind the older one to observe silence while you're putting the younger one to sleep. When it's time for the older child to go to sleep, you can do your routine in your own room first to avoid disturbing the younger kid who's already asleep at that time.

If you're concerned about your kids waking up in the middle of the night, it would help if you play soft music or turn on the radio in a low volume while they're sleeping. This will help them stay asleep and encourage them to go back to sleep should they wake up.

Keep in mind that you need to let your kids sleep in their own room as early as possible. This will not only help you but will help them in their pursuit for independence.

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Questions have the power to change people and help you create a healthy marriage/relationship...

For centuries, philosophers have known about the power of questions as a tool to finding the deeper truths about life. And questions are one of the central ways in which therapists (including marriage/couples counselors) help clients create more meaningful lives.

Certain questions have the potential to open up possibilities and shift ingrained perspectives that hold people back from reaching fuller potentials. Let's focus on one such question that you can reflect on (and ask yourself) in order to build a stronger, more rewarding marriage/relationship.

Relationship Help Through Self-Questioning

The "What if?" question is designed to nudge you out of your typical (and at times self-limiting) ways of thinking and behaving. You can use this question in many different ways: To face your worst fears head-on ("What if I did lose my job, then what...") or to imagine other new ways of being-for instance, moving closer to reaching your ideal as a spouse/partner.

Here are some ways you can use this question to shape and reshape your relationship (be mindful of any resistance and cynicism you might experience while reflecting on the questions below).

What if...

You spent an entire day acting lovingly toward your spouse/partner, even if the marriage/relationship has been strained lately?

You said, "I love and appreciate you so much" several times a day for an entire week?

You asked your mate, "If there is anything I can do for you today, please let me know?"

You imagined what if must be like for your spouse to be married to you when s/he's upset with something you've done?

You cooked dinner when it was unexpected?

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You made a concerted effort to understand your spouse's/partner's perspective even when you disagree over an issue?

You stopped focusing on what hasn't been working in the marriage/relationship and spent at least one week keeping a running list of all the little things that are actually making a difference?

You gave your spouse a hug without being asked?

You got the kids ready for school for the whole month?

You genuinely said, "I'm sorry...what can I do to make this right?" the next time you upset your partner?

You sent your wife/husband a "You mean the world to me" email or text message for no particular reason?

You gave your partner a massage the next time s/he seems really stressed?

You behaved like it was your partner's birthday even when it isn't?

You made the morning coffee for your spouse?

You went out of your way to surprise your partner in ways you know would please him/her?

You put just a little bit more effort into being responsive to your spouse's/partner's requests?

Now I have two "What if" questions for you:

What if...

You took one or more of the above questions and each day made the conscious choice to use it to change your behavior in an effort to strengthen and improve your marriage/relationship-even when you don't particularly feel in the mood to do so?

And What if...

You continued to practice this without having any expectations about how you'd like your spouse/partner to react to your new behaviors?

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If you want things to be different in your relationships you have to start by accepting that the only one you have control over is yourself. There are two ways that change happens: 1. You look at something differently or 2. You do something differently

1. Focus on the interaction

Each family is made up of individuals who have developed their own unique family interactional system. This family unit has a balance which keeps all the people in predictable roles. Positive change will not happen by blaming, criticizing or judging. Instead, each person has the power to begin initiating change in the whole unit.

2. Define what change you want to initiate

It has to be something that you are willing to do that you think may have a positive effect on the relationship.

3. Start small

Make a deliberate choice to take a step that is small yet will signal that change is being introduced.

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4. Focus on something new that you want to introduce

Keep in mind that it is a lot easier to introduce a new behavior than to stop an established behavior. This is an important truism. People can spend a lot of frustrating time trying to stop something. Instead, if they focused on introducing a new behavior they would feel energized. For instance, John wanted to feel more connected with his family. One of his habits was monopolizing the dinner conversation. He decided that his new action step would be to ask his children and spouse to share about their day.

5. Doing something new puts you in control of yourself

Initially John had to consciously remind himself that he could not take over because it was counter to what he desired in the long run. He learned that by seeking information from his wife and children that he soon felt much more connected with them. He felt empowered when he saw that he had control to make positive changes.

6. Make it action specific

John was very clear within himself as to what action he was going to take. For instance, if John had left his wish generic" I want to get closer to my family" he would not have the specific feedback from his family.

7. Success in one area encourages more action

Since John felt encouraged by his success at dinner time he was eager to take other steps in order to feel connected to his family.

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Gifts play a more than appropriate role in relationships. People see gifts as evidence of interest, love and affection. In the game of love, gifts have loomed large as the only evidence of love for most people. Could it be the truth or is it a lie that has been thought to be the truth for centuries that gifts are critical evidence of love?

Many girls, ladies and women have been heard singing out how much the man they have a relationship cared for them. In all cases, the evidence they have is the fact that he lavishes them with gifts. The ability of men in relationships to buy gifts for their ladies has been misconstrued as evidence of their love. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Gifts are keys of control. When you give anyone a gift, you are in a form of authority over the person. Relationships should be run on mutual grounds with both parties mutually respecting one another. When one of the people involved is providing all the gifts, that person automatically take the center stage in the relationship. This position always has the adverse effect of establishing a master and slave type of relationship instead of a mutually beneficial relationship of equals.

When the ladies are the ones that have the financial capacity to provide the gifts, the result is the same. The relationship becomes lopsided. You have one person calling the tunes and the other expected to only dance to the tune. He or she who holes the purse string is in command. This applies in relationships as it does in politics.

Anytime you ask a woman who has steadily received gifts from an admirer, acquaintance or a lover to discuss how much respect she gets from the partner, her response would startle you. It would startle you to learn how much she has been disrespected, her opinion disregarded.

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Gifts give the giver inappropriate feeling of authority. They make inappropriate demand for return favours. People who receive gifts are intrinsically obliged to give something in return. Ladies are generally in less able position to give back in the measure they are given in materials. They pay for gifts with their virtue.

For ninety nine per cent of men, gifts - lavish or simple - are given on purpose - for sexual favours in return. Some men veil it in love, but their motives are clear. Some ladies are able to read the motives but feel powerless for reasons that one cannot easily understand to reject the Greek gifts.

Gifts excite ladies in ways that baffles me. There is a total loss of control by ladies in the presence of gifts. You can feel from a distance the impact of a gift on a lady. She is so elated that you can feel the sexual wiles rising to crescendos that turn the male givers. In appreciation they fly into your hands. They lose the inhibitions if there were any before. Very few men would have their mind on the need to respect our woman's right to be virtuous when she reacts to gifts.

Men know this situation. The bad among the men would exploit this without much ado. This is why it is for the pot bellied men, physically ugly as a duck can have at his beck and call, the most esteemed of ladies or young girls. This is why most think that everything about life is a matter of cash.

The only things gifts prove in a relationship are how evil men can be and how much a weakening agent it is for women. It takes away a woman's ability to remain chaste throughout the pre-marriage period of a relationship. Gifts embolden men to take away the virtue of women.

In real love, therefore, gifts do not prove anything.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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