Many times we get questions from parents regarding daily situations in their children`s lives.
Here is one of these questions we received on our fan page Conscious Parenting on Facebook. We have also shared a relevant incident in our own life at the end of this article.


Hello, I’ve been thinking a lot about how little girls (children in general) are told to react to violence and I would appreciate your thoughts on this.. As a child I remember, and do see in children around me, that when someone acted/acts in violence towards them there in a normal protocol of what occurs..

1. The offender is forced to apologize and
2. The “victim” is forced to accept that apology (normally because if that boy pushed you over it means he likes your sort of scenario).

Then in later life, if someone acts in violence towards us, we are told to respond differently-to hold onto that hurt and hold them accountable. My question is, how do you go about dealing with eg a little girl being pushed over by a boy to best unable her remaining true to herself, know she deserves better, be able to forgive but not forget/protect herself for the future??


Thank you so much for coming to us with this question !
It seems like you already have a divine answer …

…Everything happens for a reason.
If a boy/child pushes a girl/child, or do anything harmful to anyone – it is his cry for help for something.
So why not focus on WHY he is hurt ?
What is he trying to tell the world ?
It is his desperate way of saying HELP…
And if he is forced to apology – his actions will repeat themselves stronger and stronger, until he has forgotten himself and becomes a “problem”….
No child will ever hurt anyone else if they are not hurt themselves…they copy what they have experienced…
For example – if the parents punish, be it physcial, emotionally or verbally…

And the girl should never be forced to accept the boys behaviour….then she will learn to suppress herself – and loose the ability to trust herself and value herself …

Children have a natural ability to SEE the truth…
And when they see the truth they need not forgive anything…because there is nothing to forgive..only to understand..

So if both the children are met on their premises and needs, they will have the opportunity to understand each others feelings – without feeling guilty…
They will have the opportunity to see into each others hearts – if everything happens in the same room, and if they have the opportunity to talk with each other – and they will, but this is dependent on how the adults deal with the situation…
The adults can avoid creating a situation with a “victim and offender” – they are both hurt inside….and embracing both with love and understanding can solve this…and let the children open their hearts without feeling judged or critized…

When we lived in England a few years ago, we dealt with a similar situation:

We worked with children with special needs on a private school. One day we went for a walk, and one of the boys started to spit and hit other children and Pearl Shanti.
One of the boys who was most bullied was Pearl Shanti`s son Alex.
Pearl Shanti asked him kindly to stop.
But he continued.

When we returned to the school we were going to do various tasks. The boy refused, he was angry (in reality he was ashamed of what he had done).
Pearl Shanti sat down on her knees in front of him and looked him in the eyes. She put a hand on his heart chakra and said:
“ I love you ! “

He started to cry, putting his arms around Pearl Shanti`s neck.
He was sobbing

“How can you love me when I have done this ? “

“ It is easy to love you, my friend – and I understand that you carry something painful inside “

He shared his grief, crying in Pearl Shanti`s arms. And the boys who had been bullied fetched tissue and a cup of water and stroke his back to comfort him. They all put their arms around him and told him that they loved him.

There was nothing to forgive – it was all about understanding.

From this day on, this boy did not bully anyone anymore, something he used to do every single day.
He was met with respect from the other boys, and he respected them.

Everytime he felt painful inside he came running to Pearl Shanti to share his feelings. He did not have a broken heart anymore.

We need to meet the children where they are – we do not have to punish anyone. Neither do we have to create victims and feel sorry for anyone – it is all about understanding and communicating in a way that works.

The children did not have to forgive – there was nothing to forgive….THEY UNDERSTOOD.


-Pearl Shanti and Andiran

Author's Bio: 

Pearl Shanti and Andiran are the Founders of the fan page Conscious Parenting on Facebook.
They are regular contributors on , Canada - with more than 100.000 members.
Moreover they write articles for several alternative magazines in Norway.
They live a holistic life style on their organic farm in the mountains, with home school for their children.
The children are their passion - and their vision is to improve the conditions for the children in the world.

" We LOVE to help people improve their lives - and to help families to live in harmony, LOVE and health.
The best thing ever is to help others to the life they dream about.
The children are the greatest treasures on earth - and it is our purpose to help parents become more conscious and support their children to bring forth their highest potential.
Life is a joy - and not a struggle...
Our experiences in our own life have shown us that conscious parenting works. We are here to serve in a truthful and humble way."--Pearl Shanti and Andiran

Feel free to visit our blog
Visit us on Conscious Parenting on Facebook