How To Make Up With Your Wife: Making Amends To Your Spouse

Your wife wants to split up. Her announcement hit you like a ton of bricks. You obviously realized that the two of you were struggling with conflicts but you had no idea that she had reached a point where she wanted out of the relationship. Now all you can see before you is a future that is lonely. You love the woman so are you just going to allow her to walk out of your life without a fight? You can't. You can change this so she wants to save your marriage just as badly as you do. The key is to know what you must say and do starting right now.

Obviously you have to address the heart of the issue if your wife wants to split up. There are problems that she doesn't feel you two can move past. If she didn't feel that way, leaving you would never have crossed her mind. You need to be honest with yourself about what's going on in your relationship. You have to be mature enough to admit what you did wrong and what you can do immediately to change it. Apologizing is always a good first step.

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Even though your wife may not seem that receptive to your apology, you have to be willing to try. Sit down and really give some thought to your behavior in the marriage and what you've done that has caused her to pull so far away from you. In some cases the husband did one major thing that changed his wife's feelings. In other cases her wanting out of the marriage is a result of years of small conflicts. You have one chance to make things right with your wife so be genuine with your apology. You'll show her how much you really want to try and make the marriage work if you're willing to take responsibility for your part in the breakdown of the relationship.

Ask your wife to reconsider her decision to split up right now. Don't try and completely stop her from wanting to leave. If you do this she'll feel that her needs and opinions don't matter. Instead, ask her to hold off for a few weeks. Explain that you'd like to give the marriage one more chance and you're willing to do whatever needs to be done to try and make things work this time. Your honesty in asking is sure to impact her.

Throughout all of this you have to be willing to communicate in an emotionally controllable way with your wife. If you get upset or angry each time you two begin talking about the marriage, she'll shut down. If you've done this in the past it's likely contributed to her desire to want to split up. Turn over a new leaf and listen to your wife without reacting too quickly. Encourage her to share what she's feeling and really absorb what she tells you. You can learn everything you need to know to save your marriage if you're hearing what she's telling you.

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One of the big questions I come across often in my job as a marriage counselor is how to make marriage work. You'd think that this is something mankind would have figured out by now but no.

Look around you. Marriages are falling apart the day after the wedding. People fall in and out of extra-marital affairs like they're changing underwear. Half of all marriages end up with the people involved saying it's over, let's call it quits.

I know more people who are separated or divorced from their spouses than I do people who are happily married. The people I look up to the most when it comes to figuring out how to make marriage work? My parents who got married in their twenties and remained together for 67 years so I asked them what advice they would give to couples who want to know how to make marriage work. Here's what they shared with me --

1. Never give up on your spouse or the marriage

No matter how tough things were or what happens, you just can't give up on your husband or wife, or for that matter on the marriage. The attitude to have is your marriage is a precious thing that you will preserve and grow always.

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2. Remember no one is perfect

We will all make mistakes which we will probably regret. You need to become your spouse's best friend which means to recognize and cherish him or her whatever their flaws, and to be the first to forgive when things go wrong.

3. Be upset at the action but love the person

One of the best pieces of advice from my parents on how to make marriage work is the principle that people can do dumb things so you focus on the action but you continue to love the person no matter what. In other words, you separate the person from his or her action.

4. Never go to sleep with something unresolved

I hear this on TV all the time so imagine my surprise when my parents told me it's one of the principles they lived by. If you ever have a disagreement or a fight, don't go to sleep upset with each other. The marriage will last longer and you'll both live longer too.

5. Don't be prideful

Pride is one of the biggest culprits of marital breakdown. If you can learn to put aside your pride when things get rough, nothing is impossible to work through together.

Once, my parents had such a rough patch, they put aside their pride and asked our family pastor to step in and help get the marriage on track. For me, I take this to mean that, in today's fast-moving world, you don't lose anything asking for marriage help whether from a pastor or from a marriage help expert. Better to ask for help than to have a marriage not work.

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I am writing this article as a husband who has been exactly where you are sitting right now. My wife was asking me for a divorce a number of years back and I thought our marriage was over for sure. After doing nearly everything wrong and almost losing her I discovered the secret. You can still save your marriage by following a proven approach that has worked for thousands of couples.

Most men (me included) are not carrying a handbook for keeping their wives happy. Marriage is extremely difficult and problems occur. We aren't normally equipped or prepared when suddenly told by our wives that the marriage is over. When it happened to me, I was hit with an unbelievable sense of anger, fear and hurt. It felt like a massive knife in my back. I had never felt so betrayed by anyone! Sure, there had been problems in our marriage, but I loved my wife and didn't want a divorce.

However, my best efforts to save my marriage seemed to be making the problem even worse. All of the pleading with my wife, the phone calls at work, the promises to change, the flowers and every attempt I made to reach out to her blew up in my face. She was unbelievably cold to me and it hurt like hell! So what was I supposed to do? My wife was asking for a divorce and I didn't want to lose her!

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I later learned that I had been doing practically the complete opposite of what I should have been doing. The more I was pushing, the more she was pulling away. The more I reached out, the more desperate and even pathetic I probably looked. I am really glad I figured out in time to save my marriage what I needed to do instead.

If you want to save your marriage, this is where you will have to start:

1. Avoid the critical mistakes that will kill your chance to save the marriage, and learn what you should be doing instead

2. Get out of your negative emotional state and put yourself in a calm, confident and resourceful state

3. Become 100% committed to taking specific action, even if it seems counter-intuitive. There are things you can say and do which will change the dynamics of your relationship with your wife, regardless of how she is feeling right now.

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As I look back on it now, I can still hardly believe how bad our marriage was! I would never have dreamed when we got married that things would come crashing down like they did. But the real miracle is that I learned how to save my marriage after my wife told me our marriage was over. If you find yourself in a similar situation, I'd like to share my story with you and let you know what happened. Hopefully I can spare you some of what I went through and offer you a solution.

I guess you've probably figured out by now that I am not a marriage counselor or therapist. I know the Internet is full of information and advice from people claiming to be experts. When I was going through this marriage crisis with my wife, I found a lot of that information to be overwhelming and confusing. I really didn't know where to turn. We had tried marriage counseling and individual counseling, but always seemed to find ourselves back where we were before; Having the same old fights and the same old problems.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

Despite all of that, I never really expected that we would get a divorce. I guess I figured that things would kind of work out on their own if we hung in there. So I was completely unprepared the day my wife approached me in tears and told me she wanted a divorce! And there was no talking her out of it. This was not a heat of the moment snap decision. She had been planning this for awhile it turned it.

Devastated and hurt, angry and confused all at the same time, I tried everything I could think of to try and get her to change her mind. I begged and pleaded, I kept calling and texting her at work, I tried sending flowers, I promised to change and when the nice guy stuff didn't work I got angry.

After reading this you may be surprised that a marriage like this could have been saved but that is just what happened. I became willing to do whatever it took to save my marriage. I stopped blaming her, I stopped blaming myself and despite the fact that she said the marriage was over, I took calm and powerful action because waiting around and hoping clearly wasn't the answer.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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