Just look around the world, almost everyday we read from the tabloids about one or the other celebrity calling it quits to her/his marriage and filing for divorce. Just a few years before, these very people were on the front pages of these very tabloids, hugging, smiling, and holding hands and eyes with twinkling love. After just a few years here they are again, but this time for the unpleasant reason of legal battle for custody of the children, and property settlements. Haven’t you ever asked yourself..why? How could people who were so madly in love with each other later become foes? And what are the secrets of successful relationship?

Criticism, contempt, defensiveness - think it now

Criticism, infidelity, disrespect, lack of care and support, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling are some of the problems that commonly as you know lead to relationships break ups and in many case which make married life less enjoyable and utterly miserable. The point here to be noted by both men and women is that with time even love changes. The kind of passionate love that was there in the beginning evolves into a more mature kind of love after marriage, which is not dependant on hormones or pheromones but on the faith in the institution of family.
Think of the problems that haunt you in life, try to follow it until you reach the root cause- that very single event pull you troubled. Don’t go after ways to eliminate it, but just talk to your partner. It’s enough for everything.

A successful relationship is possible, if you truly wish

First of all we need to accept the fact that we cannot expect life to turn out to be the way we want it. That means we need to adjust with many things in life, especially with people whom we love most. There are dos and don’ts, there are how and when. Relationships are not the same they used to be when our parents were young. So, taking parents as your models do more harm than good.

Don’t try to recreate the family you grew up as your concept of an ideal family might revolve around your memories about your family and childhood. Remember your spouse is an individual with different views and perceptions. So, should not enforce your ideas and concepts, instead, try to resolve everything together for that will bring a more effective solution on any issue.

Find time for each other

One of the greatest mistakes that married couples commit is underestimating the importance of spending time together. Once in a while spare a little time with your partner away from noise, children, friends, relatives and other troubles that haunt you on usual days. Make each other feel the way you used to feel shortly just after you had fallen in love. Discuss, share thoughts and talk openly about everything especially about why you care and how you care. Hold each other and look into each others eyes. A simple touch or even a glance can speak more than a million words.

There is quote which says-‘Women marry men in the expectation that they can change them and men marry women in the expectation that they won’t change’. Except for change itself, everything is subject to change, and love too has no exception from it. Men often complain that a few years into the marriage especially after the birth of a child, my wife is interested only in matters of child’s health and the family budget. But women on the other hand complain about the insensitivity of men, how they don’t value her efforts to run the family, how he takes her for granted and how instead of listening to her, he is stuck with old friends and merry.

Use your voice not to compare but to love

“Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about” says Prof. Randy Pausch who was an American professor of computer science died of pancreatic cancer in 2008. He goes on saying “forget the issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner of his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.” Truthfulness, boundless love and care are the nourishing factors that support communication between wife and husband which is the true essence of a successful relationship.

Always strive to have a better understanding of your partner’s vision, likes and dislikes and moreover, what he/she expects from you. Sure it has limits. But truly it works and a successful relationship is far from reach until you understand your partner.

Author's Bio: 

Cissy Pulikunnel is the director of The Centre for Family Preservation & Wellness, a mental health and counseling practice in Belleville offers counseling services and psychotherapy for family, group, children, couples, adolescents online and phone counseling services in Canada.