How to Gain a True Understanding of Another Person’s Viewpoint

When we are met with ideas or understanding propounded by others that we do not agree with we tend to create a mental barrier as a defense and then develop our mental arguments to contradict or overturn the proposed ideas. There is very little, if any, true understanding that comes out of such interactions. People wind up ‘talking past’ one another as if they are engaged in two separate and different conversations. There is also no basis for achieving a greater harmony from such interactions.

When we do attempt to understand another individual, we generally try to create a mental space consisting of receptivity. We listen and try not to argue, and try to work our way to the basis and core of what the other individual is trying to communicate from their viewpoint. Even then, our mental viewpoint will tend to detract from any complete understanding. If we look on this similarly to the complex game of chess, there are individuals who play one side and do not see what the other side is trying to accomplish from their side. Some individuals practice their ability to ‘slip into the viewpoint’ by switching sides and playing the other side of the game; or in some instances, they play both sides, switching and then concentrating on the position from whichever side they happen to be on.

At a certain point, however, we begin to realize that we will not be able to understand fully another’s viewpoint unless we can enter into the consciousness and experience the vibrational pattern that is moving their thought process. This involves an entirely different type of relation than that of the mental viewpoint trying to push its way into the mental framework of another individual. It involves a level of receptivity that appreciates the oneness of the individuals, and is able to open up to the vibratory pattern, thereby gaining a full appreciation and, thereby, full understanding of the standpoint of the other individual.

The Mother describes the difference between a mental attempt and what we may call a spiritual action based in oneness. The process takes place in a place of mental silence, without the normal marshalling of ideas, logic, debate points, etc. that characterises so much of our interactions in the world. The real determining factor is the practice needed to truly shift away from the mental framework to the spiritual.

The Mother writes: “It is the same for everything. In all that you do together with others, if you do not agree, take it as a divine Grace, a marvellous opportunity given you to make a progress. And it is simple: instead of being on this side, you are on the other; instead of looking at yourself, you enter the other person and look. You must have just a little bit of imagination, a little more control over your thoughts, over your movements. But that is not very difficult. When you have tried it out a little, after a while you find it very easy.”

“You must not just look and then make a mental effort, telling yourself: ‘Why is it like this and like that? Why does he do that? Why does he say that? You will never arrive at anything. You won’t understand, you will imagine all kinds of explanations which will be worthless and teach you nothing at all except to tell yourself: ‘That person is stupid or else wicked’ — things that lead nowhere. On the other hand, if you only make that little movement, and instead of looking at him as an object quite alien to you, you try to enter within, you enter within, into that little head that’s before you, and then, suddenly, you find yourself on the other side, you look at yourself and understand quite well what he is saying — everything is clear, the why, the how, the reason, the feeling which is behind the whole thing…. It is an experiment you have the opportunity of making a hundred times a day.”

At first you won’t succeed very well, but if you persist, you will end up by succeeding admirably. This adds a lot of interest to life. And besides it is a work which really makes you progress, for it makes you come out of that little armour of yours in which you are nicely shut up, in which you knock against everything. You have seen moths knocking against the light, haven’t you? … Everyone’s consciousness is like that, it goes along knocking here, knocking there, for these are things foreign to it. But instead of knocking about, one enters within, then it begins to become a part of oneself. One widens oneself, breathes freely, has enough space to move in, one doesn’t knock against anything, one enters, penetrates, understands. And one lives in many places at the same time. It is very interesting, one does it automatically.”

Sri Aurobindo and the Mother, Powers Within, Chapter XIII Power of Identification, pp. 106-107