How To Forgive Your Husband For Hurting You: How To Forgive Your Spouse For Past Mistakes

How To Forgive Your Husband For Hurting You: How To Forgive Your Spouse For Past Mistakes

You need to forgive to get your husband back, for you and only you. You are human and not super wife and I do not think for one moment that you do not love your husband. but it must be said that you make mistakes and sometime those mistakes effect you and everyone around you. Forgive your self so you may be free to live again. Forgive your husband and set him free so you both may live in harmony with each other. Having a perfect marriage is not possible but having a good marriage is.

A perfect marriage dose not exist but the possibility of having a good marriage dose if you will just forgive yourself. Learning how to forgive yourself first, is the hardest thing to do. Looking at yourself through the eyes of someone that loves you and sees nothing but a wonderful woman. Try to remember a time when your husband made you feel exquisite and beautiful and live in that moment. As you feel his love for you release your resentment toward yourself. You are not perfect, but all the little imperfections makes you perfectly you.

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Now forgive your husband for all his little imperfections. These so called imperfections are the vary things you will miss about him when he is no longer around. Take time to consider that letting him love you may be the remedy to any animosity you have for your husband. If you will just forgive first you will find freedom from all that keeps you and your husband apart. To forgive can be painful and feel all to one sided, but if you try, you may find that a certain magic is in you marriage again.

Forgiveness for either you or your husband always seems to be so one sided but this is why you need to forgive to get your husband back. Take the chance and forgive first and give your husband a second chance to be the love you know him to be. You may like to have the safety and comfort of your husband back in your life. Forgiveness can and dose set you free, it brings peace and harmony back into your marriage.

Forgive your self so you may be free to live again. Forgive your husband and set him free so you both may live in harmony with each other. It is a vary healthy to work through your difficulties in your marriage and the growth that can take place is a wonderful magic that can renew a marriage. The forgiveness that takes place for you and your husband will renew bonds and restore your love for each other. This is why you need to forgive to get your husband back, for your happiness and only your happiness.

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Communication is central to our ability to connect well with our spouse and to work with them in resolving presenting issues that arise in day to day life. Though there are many facets of communication, I want to focus on one specific area that I find married couples are often unaware of that can make a significant and positive difference in how they communicate with each other: slowing down.

SLOWING DOWN?

Slowing down is a broad phrase that needs to be defined. In this particular context, I'm not referring to enunciating slowly or having fewer events on our calendar. I'm referring to something more difficult, and possibly more important: controlling our emotional responses.

That's right, controlling how we respond to our spouse in spite of how we feel. This is something that is always easier said than done, especially when we're having a disagreement and can feel our emotions steadily rising. It's usually at these critical points that we say or do things that we regret, and ultimately place the emotional safety in our marriage at risk.

Maintaining that emotional safety and preventing painful breaches is fundamental to a healthy marriage. Protecting your marriage in this regard is simply too difficult when we allow our emotions to guide our responses. That's why we need to put principles like slowing down in place. Let's take a moment to examine how we can put this unique principle to work in our marriages.

TAKE TIME TO CALM DOWN

Taking time to calm down may seem entirely elementary, but I assure you it is not. It takes a mature and disciplined individual to recognize a conversation is quickly breaking down, decide to disengage for a period of time, and obtain the space needed to calm down emotionally.

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I realize that many spouses would prefer to have their partner remain with them until their disagreement is resolved, however staying together and continuing to talk may only lead to further conflict or the emotional withdrawal of one or both members. The reality is there are times when slowing down and doing the following is far more constructive:

1. Identify when a conflict is developing.
2. Break from the conversation and allow each member to have adequate time to rest emotionally.
3. Continue the needed conversation later that day after each person has calmed down.

These steps allow each spouse to move out of fight or flight tendencies, to reflect upon why they are experiencing a sense of heightened emotion, and to prepare to calmly disclose the basis of their frustration, anger, hurt, or sadness when their conversation resumes.

It also helps to do something which helps you calm down and relax. Take a walk, work out, pray, listen to music you enjoy, read, or apply a different strategy. Either way, do something that you enjoy to help your body and mind to rest before returning to the conversation with your partner.

I write this knowing that couples who obtain this type of rest are better positioned to calmly express their thoughts and emotions to each other, and to work through important issues in a fashion that helps build the emotional connection between them.

PRACTICE EMPATHY

Empathy is a truly unique and powerful human capacity that goes a long way in marital communication when it's applied. For some people, empathy is more of a natural response. For others, it is something they have to work to develop.

In either case, empathy is a resource we need to become proficient in using if we desire to see our communication with our spouse reach new levels.

I've frequently seen couples come into marriage counseling sessions angry, defensive and in conflict with each other. They seemed to be getting nowhere in their conflict, aside from only escalating the situation at hand. After helping them slow down and apply use of empathy, they begin to engage very differently.

Not only are they able to calm down, they are better able to understand the perspective of their spouse and validate what they had been going through emotionally. Watching this transformation occur is nothing short of incredible. Furthermore, these experiences speak to our ability to literally improve and change the nature of our conversations, while increasing our understanding of our spouse.

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The following is a brief exercise that you can follow to practice using empathy:

Take 60 seconds to mentally put yourself in your spouse's position.
Ask yourself, "If I was them, What would I be feeling? or What would I be thinking?"
Take additional time to reflect upon the thoughts and feelings generated by this exercise, and allow yourself to consider them in light of how your spouse is responding.
Like most couples, you'll probably find that putting yourself in your spouse's position enables you to be more sensitive to their stated needs, concerns, desires and emotional responses.

I would encourage you to practice this exercise multiple times a day, whether you and your spouse are together or apart. If you happen to be apart, know that you can later engage them by saying something to the effect of: "I was thinking about you earlier, and am wondering if you might be feeling (e.g., anxious, hurt, etc.) or be thinking about (e.g., our disagreement earlier this week, etc.)."

This type of engagement is important because it immediately lets your spouse know you were thinking about them (which is always a great sentiment to express) and conveys that you are genuinely sensitive to their emotional and marital needs.

SETTING BOUNDARIES EARLY

Last but not least, set boundaries in your conversations as a means of slowing down and preventing conflict from developing. This is a truly important step in healthy communication. I've often seen spouses neglect setting boundaries and end up in a painful negative communication cycle (e.g., one member harshly pursues / the other member emotionally withdraws) in which both members feel hurt and misunderstood.

It's far better to know your emotional limits in a conversation and to make them known early, in order to protect yourself and to help your spouse better understand how to redirect their approach to you.

For example:

"I care about you and would be glad to listen to you, however please stop attacking me with your words."
"I know you would like to keep talking about this, but I feel myself shutting down. Let's break for a few minutes, rest, and continue afterwards."
The objective is to be aware of your own emotional process, to use an I feel statement reflecting those emotions, and to make your communication needs known to your spouse as soon as a possible. Setting a boundary in this way will help you slow down the emotional process between you, as opposed to seeing it quickly escalate into something destructive.

BRINGING IT ALL TOGETHER IN PRAYER

All of these strategies are helpful. And yet, implementing any of them well requires that our hearts are in the right place.

Prayer is central in this regard, as it reminds us of our larger calling to live out our desire to honor the Lord each day, especially by loving and caring for our spouse.

It also helps us gauge whether we are allowing The Fruit of the Spirit to be evident in our day to day lives:

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law (Galatians 5:22)."
Couples who infuse their relationship with these fruit will greatly benefit from peace and connection that follow in their relationship.

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Conflicts and quarrels are some of the two things that any married couple will want to avoid. Who doesn't? Conflicts result to stress and emotional turmoil. But as much as we want to steer clear of these two malignant things, we can't. No matter hard we try to be careful and meticulous, we always end up having a verbal argument every now and then. When a person jumps into marriage, it is an indication that he or she has already deliberated a million times on whether or not the person he or she wants to marry is indeed the ONE. When you decide that a person is the ONE, it signifies that you have accepted him or her for all that he or she is. In addition, you are already completely aware of that person's emotional tendencies. Yet, despite all of these, people still end up divorcing each other. Nonetheless, your marriage can still be saved. Read on and find out a few tips on how to save marriage from divorce.

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One of the most common grounds that people look as a strong basis for divorce are the constant fights and quarrels that happen. Mind you, these are not just ordinary fights but those that have been going on for quite some time. A vast majority of the people who claim that they see this as a ground have already seen many years' worth of fighting with their spouse. Remember, there always has to be a reason for the fights that happen and it is just a question of finding out what. In order to save marriage from divorce, a compromise needs to take place. Both parties need to sit down and talk about the causes of their constant quarrels. I guarantee you that most of the time the root cause will always be about one of the parties. The secret is change!

Never be afraid to change for the better. In addition, both parties should be given equal footing since there is always room for improvement. In short, both voices need to be heard. The problem with some of us is that we are just afraid to admit our shortcomings often times mistaking them as a sign of weakness especially for the men. If you want to save your marriage from any possible divorce, you need to accept change.

So to recap, one of the most important ways to save marriage from divorce is change. Mind you, it should be good change. Don't ever be afraid to compromise and you will see your marriage flourish.

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If you are considering marriage counseling, you have probably heard two different versions of whether it's great or terrible. One thing you should know is that everyone who has ever had marriage counseling has either been successful or unsuccessful. So, you could talk to your brother, sister and boss about marriage counseling and hear that it's a terrible idea while talking to your aunt, mother and friends and being told it's a great idea. The key is to decide whether it's right for you. Here are some marriage counseling facts that may help you decide.

Marriage Counseling Does Not Follow Specific Rules

Marriage counselors do not have a big rule book that they use to determine the problems in your relationship. They are much like doctors in that they have to determine what's wrong based on your unique situation, personalities and demeanors. Your counselor will have to take a good look at your relationship and individual selves in order to help you determine the root problems and how to eliminate them. Just because someone tells you that their counselor has done 'this' or 'that', it doesn't mean your counselor will do the same or even if he or she did - they might not have the same results.

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You Must Be Completely Honest with Your Marriage Counselor

It's really important that you're honest with your marriage counselor about everything. There are many things he or she will need to know in order to help you improve or save your marriage. Some people feel as if counselors have no need to know this or that, but in truth, they do. If you are going to go to a counselor, you should be prepared to spill the beans. There may be things you feel uncomfortable talking about, things that might upset or even embarrass you. However, if you're serious about saving your marriage, it's important to let him or her know all you can divulge so they are better prepared to help you.

There Is No Set Time That Marriage Counseling Ends

For some, marriage counseling may completely resolve all problems within months. For others, it could take years. There is no set time that marriage counseling ends and it is all dependent upon variables such as your relationship, how much damage has been done, your personalities and willingness to commit and much more. While your marriage counseling may be over in just a few months, be prepared because it could take a longer period of time. If you are dedicated to saving your marriage, you may need to be prepared to put in extensive time in marriage counseling.

When you learn the facts about marriage counseling, you will be at an advantage. You will have the information you need to make marriage counseling work for your marriage. None of us want to end up in divorce and by knowing what you're in for, you can help save your marriage through marriage counseling.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.