How To Deal With Divorce When You Still Love Him: Love My Husband But Have To Divorce

How To Deal With Divorce When You Still Love Him: Love My Husband But Have To Divorce

Most of us have been through at least one breakup in our lives that was absolutely devastating. Whether you see it coming or you have no idea things were that bad, a breakup can wreak havoc on our emotions. Many people compare experiencing a breakup to feeling majorly depressed, like someone died, like sadness will never leave, or like you lost an arm or a leg. All of these emotions are perfectly natural; however, you need to learn how to deal with the hand that was dealt to you and move on.

After the initial shock, which can encompass uncontrollable crying, dreams and nightmares about your ex, wondering if you should call them, trying to call their friends to ask who they're seeing now, etc., things will start to get back to normal. As time goes by and your heart begins to mend, you need to figure out how to process the loss, figure out what went wrong, and how to move forward with your life.

When going through a breakup with someone whom you have spent many years in a relationship, it can feel like you have no friends and nowhere to go. Many times this is because of the fact you probably spent all of your free time with this person who has chosen to no longer be in your life. If you are going through a divorce, it can be even worse because in addition to building your life around the person who just broke your heart, you may feel like a failure to the people you need most right now. You may feel awkward around your parents, especially if they spent thousands of dollars on your wedding, or your friends, because likely your friends are his friends, or even your children (if you have them) because you have always taught them that marriage is sacred and is forever.

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You will likely still feel sad at times, especially if you hear a song that was "your song", or reminds you of somewhere the two of you were at a happier time in your relationship. You will still sometimes miss the comfort you felt from your partner or spouse, their touch, their support in hard times, and just the safeness you felt in their presence. You will suddenly see a lot of people who look like your ex, a lot of cars that look like his or hers, and will notice that almost everybody wears the same cologne or perfume as his or hers.

One thing you can count on is that time will heal your heart, even if it doesn't feel like that for a while. What's important is that you can learn what happened in your relationship or marriage, and learn what to avoid next time. It's crucial to learn from the past so you can ensure you know what you need in a relationship and don't make the same mistakes. It takes two to contribute to a relationship that goes sour. As much as many people want to blame the other, a failing relationship is rarely one sided. Be sure to look at what you did to contribute to the failure, and pledge to learn from your mistakes as you move on to other relationships.

Many times, women tend to believe that there is a true fairytale in store for them but it is impossible to have a fairytale relationship or marriage. That's why they're called "tales". Everybody knows that certain chemicals come to life during the initial state of falling in love. The key word is "initial". In the real world, being close to your partner or spouse is a wonderful thing, but it takes work. In the real world, there are jobs to go to, a house to tend to, bills to pay, children to raise, groceries to get, grass to mow, and all the other things that make up the "real world". If you are looking for a fairytale relationship or marriage, you are only fooling yourself.

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Here are a few things to consider when going through a breakup:

1. Focus on the positive things in your life. Maybe you have great kids, a great relationship with your parents and/or siblings, a good bill of health, or a good job. Be thankful for the good things in your life, and think of those things every time you start feeling down and out about your failed relationship.

2. Keep yourself busy. If you have to go grocery shopping every night for whatever you are making for dinner, do it. Be sure to fill your days and nights with activities, so when you go to bed, you are tired enough to sleep. This will take care of the tossing and turning that normally comes along with broken hearts.

3. Maybe most importantly, live in the present. In other words, after you figure out what went wrong and how you contributed to what went wrong, don't dwell on it. Live in the present.

4. Surround yourself with positive people and people who are important to you. Try to see yourself as those people see you. Remember to thank the people who are always there for you, whether you rely on them for a shoulder to lean on or they are the "constants" in your life, no matter what path you are on at any given moment.

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We can feel touch and pain and pleasurable sensation; we can feel both positive and negative emotions, and as with any gift that is given to us, what we do with our feelings is up to us.

In our chaotic, busy and difficult lives, we are bombarded with tons of negative information, problems and decisions; our feelings can overtake us like a tsunami, leaving us exhausted and angry, making us say and do things that we later regret.

When we submit to our feelings we become slaves to our negative emotions. We spin in to confusion, isolation and negativity and we lose control of the situation; therefore we dig ourselves into a deeper hole, get more upset and say or do things that later we will be embarrassed by.

If we can recognize and manage our emotions we can gain control over the way we react to challenges and enjoy more fulfilling relationships.

When I was young, naïve and idealistic, I thought that this is the way we are supposed to live - just according to our feelings. After years of some losing battles with my conscience, I realized that may be "living according to my feelings" motto, is not exactly what people make it out to be. I started to search for a better way.

What I finally found out was that we are not supposed to live and act on our feelings alone. We are supposed to live by common sense, making the right choices and pragmatic decisions.

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I can feel something, but it does not mean that I have to act on it. I can choose to do the right thing in the midst of my temper tantrum. I can choose to bite my tongue in the midst of a fight with my husband, my child, my friend or my boss.

I can choose to ignore something rather then pick a fight. I can choose to forgive someone even if I feel angry and hurt. I can choose not to do something that I feel like doing and do the right thing instead.

I am the one that makes a choice. My feelings are not in control. (Of course if I allow them to be, then my feelings and emotions will gladly take over.)

I remember the feeling of defeat, every time I would tell myself, "I just can't help it, this is how feel", and the nagging feeling of regret that I felt in the pit of my stomach after I let my feelings get the upper hand.

I made a choice; I am in control of my emotions! I choose to live by common sense, and rise above anger, frustration and guilt.

This is my new motto!

It took some time for me to get to this point; but oh, how sweet the taste of freedom! I am talking about the freedom from irritability, self-condemnation and regret.

I sincerely hope that my example will make you take a second look at how overstated the thought" Because I feel like it", is.

May you always choose to do the right thing. I guarantee that you will FEEL a lot better.

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I think the reason why women sometimes encounter so much difficulty in understanding men is because they often mix up different types of men. Some women are just interested in dating, while there are some women who are looking specifically for advice on how to improve their relationship with a man that they've been dating for a while now, or a man that they're married to. This article is going to address the latter: how to improve your relationship with a man who you're in it for the long haul with. We want someone to grow with us and here are three reasons why.

1. We're Not Perfect To Begin With

This is one of the big reasons that men would like someone that is going to grow with them. If we were perfect, there is a good chance that we wouldn't be together with you in the first place.

Sure, no one gets into a relationship simply for the reason of improvement, but it should be something that occurs naturally throughout the course of a relationship. The fact of the matter is, improving each other in a relationship is a great way to strengthen it.

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2. The Right Soil

Say you want to achieve something, but it's currently beyond your capability. You need a supportive environment and you want someone who can help you figure out what you need to do to get to where you want to go.

This is another good reason to find someone who can cultivate you. If that person really is in it for the long run, they will be more than happy to always provide the right environment for you to develop and grow in whichever way you want. Maybe you want to start your own business. Perhaps you want to get fitter than you ever were before. Whatever it is, sometimes you need a partner to help you out.

3. Growth

By helping each other improve, you're not only growing as an individual, you're also growing as a couple. This is the most important growth of all. If you don't grow as a couple, then you'll never last as long as you want.

Growth occurs when you help others grow. It's like teaching. When you teach, it helps you to revise your current knowledge and to test yourself to see how well you know it. Help someone grow and you grow a little bit yourself. Bit by bit, you both grow until you're both stronger than ever as individuals and as a couple.

This is an often overlooked aspect of understanding men. We want to grow, whether we know it or not. If you help us grow, we will help you grow. By mutual growth, there will be greater mutual respect and love for the long run.

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If you're like most women, you have some version of a love-hate relationship with your mother, even if you've never met her, never known her, or she doesn't share your genes.

Let's look at three types of mothers. The first one is loving, supportive, and fun. The second is absent, physically and/or emotionally. The third is too close, either smothering and overprotective, or abusive. Of course, there can be overlap among these general types.

The others may seem obvious, but why is it sometimes difficult to have a healthy relationship with the supportive mother? Terri stated it like this: "It's so easy to turn to Mom for support and guidance. But I know I'll never fully develop my own particular strengths if I rely too much on hers. She needs space to live her life and I need space to live mine. But I feel confused about where to draw the line, and I sometimes feel guilty about excluding her from parts of my life because she's so supportive and nonjudgmental."

Gina has a different perspective. "My mom is one of those ideal mothers. Very supportive and generous. But I somehow get the feeling that she wants me to go so far and no farther. Be successful, but not too successful. Be happy, but not too happy. Live my own life, but on her terms."

The second type of mothers are the absent ones. Annie said, "Mom has always been self-absorbed. She wrapped herself up in her depression and physical disability and expects the world to wait on her hand and foot. I had to take care of her when I was a kid, and 40 years later, nothing's changed. I'm still playing the role of her caregiver."

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

Deneen described her mother as being "so involved in her career and her marriage that I've always felt either invisible or just in the way." Both Annie and Deneen have spent their lives feeling like a motherless daughter, always searching for something or someone to fill that gaping, mother-shaped hole.

And some mothers are abusive. "My mother," Gretchen said, "is mean, vindictive, and spiteful. She lashes out with hand and tongue. The tongue hurts worse." Shannon said, "My mom was into smother love. And still is. She wants to know every detail. She wants to do everything for me, which means I don't have the space I need to learn and make mistakes and grow. And she gives me an enormous guilt trip if I turn down her offers of help or don't tell her what I ate for breakfast."

As women, we are born with a mother-shaped space in our psyche. Yet because of personalities, society, religious beliefs and expectations, and so forth, it's difficult for any woman to perfectly fit that space for us, which leaves us with wounds and grievances. What's a woman to do? Here are a few ideas to try:

1. Learn to set and maintain healthy boundaries in your relationships.

2. Embrace forgiveness. Forgiveness means taking back the power that someone has to destroy you.

3. Employ hypnosis or the expressive arts to release the body and mind from the tyranny of unresolved relationship issues.

4. Utilize energy work for healing, such as EFT, Reiki, Healing Touch, etc.

5. Learn to mother yourself in a way that best supports your needs.

Of course, if you find you need assistance with this process, search for a qualified professional with whom you resonate. It can make a world of difference!

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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