How Many Dates Should You Go On Before Settling Down to Develop a Serious Relationship?

Recently I came across the following Tweet: “Just what the doctor ordered: date 100 men without getting serious with anyone”. This made me thinking: for what purpose would anyone try to date 100 men (or, for that matter, women) without getting serious with anyone? How much can one learn about himself (or herself) by doing so? And how much can one get hurt – or hurt others – by so doing?

Indeed, some experience might always be useful: getting to meet others; practicing listening and communication skills; learning how to open-up and share, as well as getting to observe yourself while interacting with others, learning things about yourself you might have not known until now (such as: do you perceive yourself an open or closed person? Can you allow yourself to be somewhat more open if you are a closed person, or somewhat less talkative if you are too open? Do you feel the need to impress your date, or can you just be “who you are”? Are there any fears that control you while on first date (such as fear of rejection)? Are there any needs which come up on your first date (such as the need to immediately be loved and appreciated and/or being told how beautiful and smart you are)?

As much as such self-observation can help you get in touch with “who you are” and help you get to know yourself better, do you really need to date 100 others in order to achieve this goal? Could it be that another way to getting to better know yourself is by getting into a serious relationship in which you have the opportunity to see whether you allow yourself to be yourself with another person, with no masks, being open and authentic?

Why would a doctor (a therapist, a relationship coach) advise you to date 100 others? Would it help your self-esteem (if you have a low one)? Would it enable you to get sexual experience (if you go to bed with them)? Would it enable you to “play” before getting into a serious relationship with someone dear to you (the purpose of such “play” is beyond me).

Different relationships’ advisers, experts, coaches and therapists have their own idea about how to help others become empowered to develop a successful intimate relationship. And many, both men and women, who seek a partner but find it difficult to meet someone with whom to develop a satisfying relationship, look for others to advise them.

If you too have been seeking others’ advice but with no success, it is important that you listen to your own intuition and inner-wisdom“ about how to go about finding a partner and developing a successful intimacy. Going out on as many dates as possible might not be the best way for you. It all depends on you and your specific situation. If, for example, you are dealing with your own issues of low self-esteem, a separation you need to mourn, lack of assertiveness, the need to get up the courage to stand on your two feet, and any other issues which might hinder our ability to develop a successful and a healthy relationship, it might be more appropriate for your to first work on your issues, getting to feel a stronger inner-self, and only then practice what you have learned about yourself by going on dates.

We all know that “just what the doctor ordered” shouldn’t apply to every one. Your story, as much as it might resemble others, is yours. And the approach you need to take in order to empower yourself to develop a successful relationship is also yours.

When you remember it and take the steps to make whatever change you need in yourself you will then become able to date others and, when appropriate, extend a date into a serious relationship.