How Important Is It To Compliment Your Wife: How To Help Wife With Body Image Issues

In marriage, it takes two to make it work. One just doesn't have to rely on the other all the time. There has to be effort on both sides to nurture the marital bond and keep it strong moving forward. While women are often expected to take the extra effort, men should also realize that they need to do their share.

There are many ways that couples can do to have a satisfying relationship. It doesn't have to be a grand action because even the small gestures can mean a lot. A gesture that makes your partner feel appreciated can boost self confidence and may even elicit a return of that act or a show of love and attention.

One of the most effective ways of improving your marriage is by giving compliments. If you're thinking about how to influence your other half in a more positive way, this is the best route to take. Instead of giving in to your urge of complaining, yelling when you're not in the mood or when you're arguing over something, it's time to change your act.

Remember that it's never a good idea to complain about what your partner is not doing right. This is a common issue among married couples. Often, it's easy for people to see the mistakes of their spouses or what they're doing wrong.

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To avoid this kind of attitude, what you should do then is to focus on the positive. When you are able to do this, you will surely feel better.

Try to be more generous with your compliments if you can. Relationship experts and wives who have kept their marriages intact for long years agree that this gesture can help you change your partner for the better. It may be a simple act but when done consistently, can work in improving your marital bond and making you both happy.

It's been said that your spouse is a reflection of you. So don't talk about him or her negatively because in the first place, you chose that person to be your partner in life. It wouldn't make you look good if you often go around complaining about the things he or she does at home or in bed.

So what can you compliment your partner about? There are many things.

If you come home to a clean and well organized home, why not tell your wife that you appreciate the effort. If your husband looks good in his office attire, tell him that so you can give a little inspiration before he leaves for work. If your wife cooked a great dinner for the family, be honest enough about how much you loved the food. At least, you see that there's an effort done to keep you comfortable at home after a hard day's work.

Compliments can really go a long way in giving inspiration and sharing your affection with the love of your life. If you can give it every day to your spouse, go ahead and be consistent. Remember that it should come from the heart every time.

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"Any fool can have a trophy wife; it takes a real man to have a trophy marriage." -Diane Sollee

You know you're married to your best friend when you overhear other friends remarking about how good your marriage really is. My wife and I have had that experience, and I can tell you it's truly gratifying. It's even more so when we hear others speak in envy of what we have, and wish they had it in their own relationship. We've taken a bit of good-natured ribbing about the verbiage we use, how we're 'married best friends', but we don't mind. We write it off to simple jealousy, and go on. It's just true; we are married best friends, and we believe that's what every married couple ought to be able to say.

The following is a list of insights, a checklist, if you will, that you may use to determine if you might perhaps be married to your best friend. Bear in mind that describing yourselves this way may cause people to look at you funny, but that's the price you have to pay, and believe us it's worth it.

You may be married to your best friend if they're the first person you think of with any kind of news--good, bad, worse, indifferent. You can't wait to pick up the phone, text them, e-mail, something to let them know what you found out, and to share it with them. Everyone else comes later.

You may be married best friends if their name pops up in any discussion of any issue that is in any way important: career, kids, vehicles, bills, the house, pets, meal planning, friends, you get the idea. Talking about a hangnail may seem downright silly, but guess who you tell? That's right, your best pal, and how convenient if it's your spouse?

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You may be married best friends if you'd rather go to Target with them than to Paris with anyone else. That may seem preposterous, but my wife and I can say that, and we mean it. I'd love to see Paris. I intend to see Paris someday. Go without her? No way.

So how does the average all American married couple attain the exalted status of married best friends? It might sound a bit disingenuous, but I'd hope you married that person right out of the gate. We don't believe for one second that anyone, regardless of the reason they married in the first place doesn't feel at some level that they're with the person they should be with, the person they married. It may depend on your definition of friendship, but if so, here's the continuing list. See how it matches up with your definition.

You might be married best friends if you think this discussion is downright silly and totally unnecessary. Why is that? We've also had people tell us, after looking through our website, that they don't need what we're offering; that they already have it, so they're just fine, thank you ever so much.

Here's what we tell them: We're extremely happy for you. We feel like everyone should have a marriage based on friendship, and when we identify people who have that, we're grateful for it.

You may be married to your best friend if, when you turn in for the night, pull the bedroom door shut, and huddle under the covers, there's simply no place on earth you'd rather be than right there, holding that beloved person in your arms--I'm going to get mushy here, just a warning--feeling their soft, comfortable body next to yours, thinking that you are in fact the richest person in the whole world. You might be married to your best friend if you know they feel the same way.

Okay, so how do you maintain that, that's the real question. If we said it was easy you'd know we were either 'round the bend or newlyweds, or both--the two conditions are mutually exclusive--so here's the deal. Here are a number of ways to keep that friendship from ebbing, and your marriage alive and friendly.

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This one is going to seem terribly naive, but it truly is the simple stuff, kind of like what your mother told you. Be nice. It really works. Even when you feel awful, or have an issue, you're tired, or stressed, make an effort to be gentle with each other. Consider your marriage a safe harbor where your mate really wants to be. Take a breath, bite your tongue if need be, count to ten--okay one hundred, and go easy even when it's not exactly how you feel. My wife and I use this little acronym: ACK, always choose kind.

About that 'issue', here's how to tell when to hold 'em, and when to fold 'em. Whomever feels most passionately about it wins. It's a rare issue about which you can't unanimously agree that one of you simply cares more, or more likely the case, one of you cares less. Something else we use is the win-win, as opposed to the zero-sum: Winning an argument doesn't mean the other loses. It just means one felt more strongly about that particular issue. End of discussion. Have you ever come away from a dustup feeling a bit silly about how much heat and how little light there was at the end? You can agree to disagree, and that's the friendliest way to go.

Kids. Wow, how much energy, time, resources do we put into our children? And guess what? They leave. Too many of us ignore the fact that kids are truly secondary to a marriage. That may seem like an outrageous statement. But imagine how the kids would feel about it if they knew all your attention to them could lead to your own separation? Our guess is that, given almost any level of understanding, the kids themselves would opt for the two of you hanging in there as a unit.

Here's a typical phone interchange between married people: "Hello, hey did you remember to pick up the laundry at the dry cleaners? Great, and how about the tickets to the..? Got them? Great, then have you..?" See what's wrong here?

How about this instead: "Hello, have I told you lately that I really love you, and that you're the most beautiful person I know? I haven't? Shame on me. Hey, while I have you, did you remember to..?" Different? Sure is. Silly and inane? Possibly, but take the chance. We need to be more loving, affectionate, and even silly with each other. Hey, it's what best friends do. Be kind; be affectionate; be more loving and considerate. It really is pretty easy.

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What would you think about a "treatment" for cancer that was developed and then sold by a businessman? What if that person had no medical degree, the only doctoral degree was as a spin doctor. Would you trust that product, would risk your health?

What would you think about a "treatment" for cancer that was cooked up in someone's kitchen, and then sold by a very well intentioned, but untrained house wife? Would you put your life on the line?

Yet that's what happens every day with couples in conflict all over the world. They purchase a product or service offered by someone with NO psychiatric training or experience. Google right now "troubled marriage", "help communicating", or "dealing with an affair" and what you will find are people pushing some "Alternative to Marriage Counseling".

Could there be another way to look at relationships, some new perspective or new way of dealing with conflict? Yes, but that not what is out in the market. In examining these alternatives to marriage counseling you find recycled materials created by Mental Health professionals. These repackaged materials are then pushed by marketing professionals with little to NO background in the helping profession. It is appropriate for professional counselors to dabble with marketing, but it becomes unethical for marketing people to dabble with counseling.

The other day a new relationship book came out written by a professional write/journalist. In terms of style everything was grammatically correct, but who cares about grammar when you are looking for tools to save your relationship?

It is illegal to practice psychotherapy without a license, so how is it done? The terms are changed. The term "coach" is used instead of "counselor". Relationship coaching or life coach are the terms used. Because they don't call themselves counselors, they can offer the same suggestions without any accountability. There are NO licensing boards that regulate coaches!

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So what that means is that these coaches can do anything, or say anything without any accountability. They don't need to back their statements with research or empirical data. Their claims can be completely fraudulent and their endorsements erroneous. Because there are not regulations or over sight for non-professionals they operate unchecked.

Even if they use the term "coach" shouldn't there be some kind of training or supervised experience required? Does Phil Jackson, former head coach for the Los Angeles Lakers have training and experience as a professional coach? You bet he does! He trained long and hard to get to where he is today.

Who are the coaches that don't have skill or preparation? While it is the parents on the little league field, or out there helping with the soccer games on Saturday morning. Do any of those nice people have the slightest chance of walking on a national sports team and being offered a job "coaching". NO Way. So why would anyone letting unprofessional coaches coach them?

If you want an alternative to marriage counseling or you are looking for a relationship coaching, that's great. There are people out there offering Alternatives to Marriage Counseling and Relationship Coaching that are legitimate, licensed therapists. Make sure you check their credentials and experience to get the appropriate help you need. Get the help you need from a professional. Talk with someone who knows what they are talking about.

Do yourself a favor, when your relationship is in trouble, or you are having trouble communicating, or you're dealing with the pain of an affair, find out who is offering help. Make sure you find someone with the training and years of experience needed to give you the answers that work.

Every state has a licensing board that issues medical as well as psychological licenses. Check with the state where your person operates and make sure they have a license to practice, check to see if it is up to date, and does not have any violations against them. Do some homework to make sure you get what you need in your time of need.

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Many women and men write into the ministry in heartbreak letting us know that their spouse, who claims to be a Christian has left the marriage and wants a divorce. This is a very difficult, fearful, frustrating and challenging time for people, especially since they got married thinking they would be married to their spouse for a lifetime commitment.

Many of these Christian people wonder if they should remarry and start all over again, mostly because they do not want to be alone for the rest of their life. But remarriage is not God's plan for a man or woman whose spouse has divorced them. It is unfortunate that so many "so called" Christian spouses are not behaving very responsibly in the marriage that they started. All I can say is they are VERY confused about God's purpose and plan for marriage.

I realize that sometimes in marriage it just doesn't work out because a spouse continues to commit adultery, or walks out of the marriage, or is adamant about a divorce. If a spouse demands a divorce and or trespasses against the marriage repeatedly, it is of my firm belief that they have been misinformed in the Christian church about God's plan for marriage

What Does God Think About Divorce?

God hates divorce and says so in scripture. "For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away..." -Malachi 2:16

"Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." -Matthew 19:6

In the few instances where a spouse truly does not want to work on the marriage and insists on a divorce, what can you do? Just let them go. Do not undermine your faith or beliefs because of an unbelieving spouse. Your only recourse at this point is to just let your spouse do what they feel they need to, hoping that one day they will come back to God. They have a hardened heart and do not know that divorce is not God's plan.

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Scripture talks quite a bit about divorce and lets us know that God designed marriage as a permanent relationship. The problem is many couples go into marriage with the wrong attitude. They think that marriage is going to solve their problems, or make them happy, or they think they can change their spouse but these things are not realistic. We must be prepared for a lifetime marriage and seriously know what God's will is BEFORE we get married.

Can My Spouse Divorce Me if I Commit Adultery?

In Matthew chapter 5 Jesus explains what marriage "used" to be like before Him, in the days of old. Moses made a law that allowed men to divorce their wives if they gave them a certificate of divorce. God did not tell Moses to enact this new divorcement law; he just went ahead and did it because he felt he had too. Unbelieving husbands were throwing their wives out into the streets, literally.

Now in the New Testament, Christ says the days of old are no more: "It hath been said, whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement. But I say unto you , that whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery. (Matthew: 5:31-32)

Does this mean that if a spouse commits adultery it is OK to get a divorce? As much as the churches would like to believe and preach that divorce is OK if a spouse commits adultery, the study on it shows otherwise. If you look closely at this scripture it uses the word "fornication" not "adultery". "Whosever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication , causeth her to commit adultery. Matthew: 5:32

What is fornication? Fornication is when you are not married yet-it is sex between two unmarried people. Doing more research on this study it shows that Jesus was talking to the Jews about the permanency of marriage . It was the custom back then for Jewish couples to be called husband and wife that were betrothed (engaged), which according to custom was almost like being married. But they had not consummated the marriage.

So the scripture is talking about couples who are not yet married, but are only betrothed. You could put away your betrothed wife or husband, if they committed adultery BEFORE the consummation period but not after. Jesus was letting them know that marriage is a permanent commitment.

God Takes Marriage Very Seriously

Yes, God takes marriage very seriously and for good reason, it is the symbol of the relationship between Christ and the true church. In fact we are to glory this example of Christ and the church with our marriage! It is not a contract that can be broken like men do with contracts today. There is no dissolution of marriage no matter what either party has done in the marriage. But, here again, if the unbelieving spouse insists on leaving let them go. It would cause much ado to argue, fuss, and fight with someone who is adamant about leaving the marriage. Pray for them and perhaps they will come to their senses sooner than too late.

"But if the unbelieving depart let them depart. A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace." (1 Corinthians 7:15)

Understand though, that just because you are "state" divorced from your spouse does not however mean to get remarried. It is God's will for the Christian man or woman whose spouse divorced them to remain single and do God's work rather than jump into another marriage. In fact remarriage is not even mentioned in the bible because in God's eyes you are still married to your divorced spouse. So then you are not really single and available, and if we want to please God we should strive to do his will and serve him in whatever capacity that He has gifted us with.

"The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord. But she is happier if she so abide, after my judgment: and I think also that I have the Spirit of God." (1 Corinthians 7:39-40)

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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