How Identity Rules Your Life

How Identity Rules Your Life
Brad Yates
www.tapwithbrad.com

The ultimate goal in life is to feel good – to be happy. But there may be a lot of issues about how we identify ourselves that limit happiness. “I am” is a very powerful expression, and what we put after those two words can have a profound effect on our lives.

While the ideal is to be able to cultivate happiness independent of outside events or things, it is natural for us to have desires. Tapping isn’t about learning to tolerate and settle for less than we can have.

But you will never achieve more than is congruent with how you identify yourself. You will never outperform your self-image. We live in a world of cause and effect. In order to change the effects, we need to change the cause – namely, ourselves.

Too often, people will stop themselves from trying for more – or give up after an attempt or two – saying something along the lines of, “I guess that’s just not me.”

As Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you are usually right.” It’s time to decide to think you can.

Being, Doing and Having

This is a well-known continuum – also often stated as:

Thoughts > Feelings > Actions > Results.

We know that doing leads to having, or action leads to results. If we aren’t getting the results we want, we correctly decide to change the actions. Fortunately, there is plenty of information available on how to do just about anything. If you want a slimmer body, there is an overwhelming amount of information on how to do so – some of it truly valid. Same with getting better at your profession, or playing an instrument or just about anything else you might want to learn to do to get the desired result.

Unfortunately, if these actions – or the desired results - are not congruent with how you see yourself, it will be difficult at best to start much less continue taking these actions.

Fortunately, you can change how you see yourself – and reeducate yourself to be comfortable doing things that used to seem foreign. The fact is, you have done so numerous times throughout your life. There was a time when you would not have been able to read these words, but you didn’t give up back then, deciding, “Well, I’m just wasn’t meant to be a reader.” With a little effort, I’m sure you could come up with many other examples.

It is important to recognize that you have the capacity for the desired qualities – but you also have resistance to them for a number of reasons. See if you can think of reasons why you might block the desired quality. These may not seem logical, but they can be powerful inhibitors. Self-sabotage is misguided self-love – you are trying to protect yourself based on old programming.

Here are some ways to use tapping to clear the old programming, and cultivate a powerful self-identity:

Become who you wish to be

1. Identify qualities you would like to have – or adjectives you would like to use to describe yourself, such as loveable, brilliant, talented…
2. Ask yourself on a scale of 0-10 how strongly you feel you have each of these qualities.
3. Identify what thoughts, beliefs, experiences keep any of these from being a 10. (It helps to also note evidence that you do have it.) List as many as you can think of.
4. Identify why you might block yourself from having this quality – what might be the negative consequences? List as many as you can think of.
5. Use the answers to form set-up phrases, and start tapping.

For example, say we identify a need to be more focused as an area we need to improve, we might go with the following tapping rounds:

SH: Even though I have trouble staying focused, I choose to love and accept myself.
Even though I have trouble staying focused, I choose to love and honor myself.
Even though I have trouble staying focused, I choose to love, honor and accept myself.

EB: I have trouble staying focused.
SE: I have lots of proof that I have trouble staying focused.
UE: Maybe I’m afraid to stay focused.
UN: What might I be afraid of?
UM: I choose to clear that fear.
CB: I must have some ability to focus, or I wouldn’t have made it this far.
UA: I choose to be more focused.
TH: In body, mind and spirit.

Take a deep breath (and maybe a drink of water).

Also tap on the fears, such as:

“Even though focus would lead to success, I choose to love and accept myself.”

“Even though success doesn’t feel safe, I choose to love and accept myself.”

Note: It may be useful to use a role model:

1. Identify someone you admire.
2. Identify what qualities they possess that you admire.
3. Ask yourself on a scale of 0-10 how strongly you feel you have each of these qualities.
4. Identify what thoughts, beliefs, experiences keep any of these from being a 10. (It helps to also note evidence that you do have it.) List as many as you can think of.
5. Identify why you might block yourself from having this quality – what might be the negative consequences? List as many as you can think of.
6. Use the answers to form set-up phrases, and start tapping.

For example:

1. We identify Cary Grant as a role model.
He has the quality of being Debonair.
2. On a scale of 0 - 10 we have that quality at about a level 6
3. The evidence we don't have that quality? We note that we stumble over words in conversations.
4. The evidence we do have that quality? We dress well.
the negative
5. What negative consequence might occur having this quality? We might end up on the cover of a tabloid.

You can also shift what you currently negatively believe about yourself.

1. Identify adjectives you use to describe yourself, but wish you didn’t, such as unlovable, lazy, stupid…
2. Ask yourself on a scale of 0-10 how strongly you feel you have each of these qualities.
3. Identify what thoughts, beliefs, experiences keep any of these from being a 0.
4. Identify why it might benefit you to hold on to this – what might be the negative consequences of letting it go? List as many as you can think of.
5. Use the answers to form set-up phrases, and start tapping.

Undesirable Quality: Lazy
How Strongly I Feel I Have it: 7
Evidence that I do have it: I rarely get things done
Possible imagined benefits: Without it I might actually be successful and that doesn't feel safe

Use your answers to create a tapping round, such as:

SH: Even though I think I’m lazy, I choose to love and accept myself.
Even though I think I’m lazy, I choose to love and honor myself.
Even though I think I’m lazy, I choose to love, honor and accept myself.

EB: I think I’m lazy.
SE: I have lots of proof that I’m lazy.
UE: Maybe I’m afraid to take action.
UN: What might I be afraid of?
UM: I choose to clear that fear.
CB: I must have some ability to take action, or I wouldn’t still be here.
UA: I choose to be more motivated.
TH: In body, mind and spirit.

Take a deep breath (and maybe a drink of water).

Also tap on the fears, such as:

“Even though taking action would lead to success, I choose to love and accept myself.”

“Even though success doesn’t feel safe, I choose to love and accept myself.”

How to use Tapping:

1. Identify something you desire.
2. Ask yourself on a scale of 0-10 how comfortable you feel having this.
3. Identify the actions you would need to take.
4. Ask yourself on a scale of 0-10 how willing you are to take these actions.
5. Ask yourself on a scale of 0-10 how capable you feel to take these actions.
6. Ask yourself on a scale of 0-10 how comfortable you would feel taking these actions.
7. Identify the qualities you believe you would need to have to be able to take these actions.
8. Ask yourself on a scale of 0-10 how strongly you feel you have these qualities.
9. Identify what thoughts, beliefs, experiences keep any of these from being a 10.
10. Start tapping.

Another way of tapping to change your “can do” identity:

1. Identify someone who has what you want.
2. Identify what qualities they possess that you think made them successful.
3. Ask yourself on a scale of 0-10 how strongly you feel you have each of these qualities.
4. Identify what thoughts, beliefs, experiences keep any of these from being a 10.
5. Start tapping.

Other notes:

You are not defined by your circumstances – your circumstances are created by how you’ve been identifying yourself.

It will be uncomfortable forcing yourself to do something that is against your nature...but what you think is your nature might not be set in stone
I yam what I yam –Popeye - don’t settle for that

Often we are attached to current identity – we don’t want to betray ourself or others – but being less than you can be is not being true to yourself or others.

We stereotype ourselves such as, “I’m not a morning person…I’m lazy… shy…”

We are who we choose to be. We are who we have chosen to be – not all at once, but by a series of small choices. But we need to choose to change.

Take responsibility for who you have become – forgive yourself (if necessary) make peace with what is so – there’s nothing wrong here… now make new choices.

You don’t have to change – honor yourself and the choices you have made and who you are… but see if who you think you are may not be holding you back from who you really could be.

You need to change the roots to change the fruits – an apple tree can’t bear oranges. But you are not a tree – you can change.