In the world of self-development, it has been said that there is no such thing as a new problem; it is just an old problem that is being played out again. Upon hearing this, someone could find it hard to understand how this is so.

One could have a number of challenges in their life and these challenges may appear to have absolutely no connection to what happened in their past. Additionally, they could just have the need to deal with what is going on, not to look back on their past.

A Distraction

As far as they are concerned, thinking about what took place many, many years ago could just be a complete waste of time. Focusing on the here and now, and forgetting the past, is then going to be seen as the best way for them to move forward.

Consequently, doing whatever they can to change their life will be the priority. When it comes to what is taking place in their life, they may find it hard to find the right partner and/or to move ahead in their career.

The First

When it comes to the first thing, they could find that they have the tendency to end up with people who are not available. Time after time, then, they will meet people that are unable to commit to them.

Merely thinking about what has been going on could cause them to experience a lot of frustration, with them wondering if this area of their life will ever change. A big part of them could just want to give up and to no longer waste their time looking for someone who is available.

The Second

When it comes to the second thing, they might have only been able to get so far in their career. Perhaps there is resistance when it comes to going to the next step or maybe something always comes up when they try to move ahead.

If something always comes up, it could seem as though something out there is holding them back. Either way, they will want to find a way to put an end to what is taking place and to finally move on with their life.


If one is into self-development, it is unlikely that they will have a full-blown victim mentality. The reason for this is that if this was the case, there would be no reason for them to get into self-development.

Other people would be seen as the problem, along with external events, which would mean that they were totally powerless. Therefore, while they could feel like a victim from time to time, it won’t be an outlook that they always identify with.

One Approach

When it comes to finding someone who is ready to have a relationship, they could end up looking into what is taking place in their head. Their thoughts and beliefs will most likely end up being inspected.

They could end up coming to see that they have a fear of intimacy and believe that they don’t deserve to experience it. As they bring what they believe into the light and questioning these beliefs, they may find that this area of their life starts to change.

The Same Approach

When it comes to their career, they could also look into what thoughts and beliefs they have. Here, they may find that they don’t believe that they have what it takes and/or deserve to go to the next step.

Bringing what they believe into the light and questioning these beliefs may allow them to gradually change their life. At the same time, this might not allow them to transform their life.

Another Angle

If changing what is taking place up top doesn’t work as they had hoped it would, they might be open to looking into how their past is still impacting their life. This could then be a time when they reflect on what took place during their early years.

Furthermore, they might be able to tune into how they often felt at this stage of their life. If they can do this, what they may find is that the feelings that they have often experienced as an adult are the same feelings that they often felt as a child.

Connecting the Dots

Many years will have passed and they will look different, but their adult life will have a lot in common with their early years. If they were aware of what their early life was like before, it would have been a lot easier for them to understand why their life is the way that it is.

The life that they have created as an adult will be a way for them to re-experience how they felt as a child. At a deeper level, these feelings will be associated as what is familiar, and what is familiar is what is classed as what is safe to the ego mind.

Repetition Compulsion

Another way of looking at this would be to say that one will be re-creating similar experiences to what they had as a child in order to change what happened. The child part inside them will want to receive what it was unable to receive all those years ago.

Not only is this not possible because this stage of their life is over, but as the experiences that they create will be very similar to original experiences, they will end suffering all over again. Ultimately, the part of them that was wounded all those years ago will want to be seen and heard.


One won’t need to fix or to change anything to do this; they will simply need to be there for this part of themselves. They will have many wounded children inside them and these children will want to be acknowledged.

This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer. Someone like this can hold the space so that one can go where they wouldn’t go by themselves.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, three hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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