​After getting to the stage where they can see that they are not in a good way, someone can look for a way to change their life. There is a chance that they have been this way for quite some time.

Either way, they will have taken a big step by becoming aware of what is going as if this hasn’t taken place, they would have continued to go down the same path. At first, they could end up looking for a book or they could search online for information.

Another Option

Then again, they could simply look online for a video that goes into what they are going through. Once this has taken place, they could look for another video that will describe what they can do to move forward.

This could be the end of it, or they could continue to watch numerous videos and learn about different solutions. Sooner or later, they could try one or a number of approaches.

One Outcome

For example, if they experience a fair amount of anxiety and fear, this could be something that starts to subside. If this is what takes place, it might not be long until they are able to carry on with their life.

But, if what they are doing doesn’t last for very long or simply doesn’t work, they could look for another option or try another that they have already learned. At this point, the thought of reaching out to another person might not enter their mind.

An Island

This could be how they are in most areas of their life, with them having the tendency to try to do everything by themselves. If it was put forward to them that it would be a good idea for them to reach out for support, this could go over their head.

They could end up saying that they don’t need anyone’s help and that they can do it by themselves, for instance. There is even the chance that they will experience a sense of pride for being this way.

Going Round In circles

If they were to reach out for support, their life may change a lot sooner. After all, they are an interdependent human being who needs others; they are not supposed to try to do everything by themselves.

Needing help from others doesn’t mean that they are weak or incapable; it is simply part of being human. So, as they are unable to accept this, it is naturally going to make their life far harder than it needs to be.

Stepping Back

If they are able to step back from how they are and see how they try to do so much by themselves, they could wonder why they are this way. They could see that they have been this way for a very long time.

If they were to imagine a scenario where they do reach out and express their needs, they could end up feeling anxious and deeply ashamed. It will then be as though something bad is going to happen and they are doing something wrong.

The Truth

Ultimately, this is something that should feel comfortable, not something that feels uncomfortable. Along with this, reaching out and expressing their needs should be a normal part of their life.

As this is not the case, it is likely to show that there was a time when their needs were rarely met. This could show that their early years were anything but nurturing, with this being a time when they were often neglected.

Way Back

So, practically from the moment they were born, they may have often been left and when they were given attention, it might have largely been misattuned care. Not having a caregiver who was responsive, dependable and consistent would have deeply wounded them.

They would have been deprived of a lot of the nutrients that they needed in order to grow and develop in the right way. Moreover, they would have come to believe that there was something inherently wrong with their needs and themselves

Out of Balance

To survive what happened, their brain would have automatically repressed the pain they were in and they would have been forced to create a false self. This would have meant that they disconnected from themselves and their true self would have gone into hiding.

Their need to hide their needs from others and even themselves at times will be a reflection of their false self. To this part to them, revealing their needs will be seen as something that would cause them to be rejected and abandoned; something that did take place many, many years ago.


For them to let go of their false self and reconnect to themselves and realise, at the core of their being, that there is nothing inherently wrong with their needs or themselves, they may need to work through a lot of deep wounds. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author of 25 books, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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