Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there lived a princess. A princess so beautiful, her Light shone, mesmerizing the people of the land. They talked only of her purity and kindness and regularly left gifts at the steps to her castle to show their appreciation for her being in their lives. Daily she sat by the river with all her nature friends, dreaming of the day when her handsome prince would come to her. Her knowing was so strong that from afar, every now and then, the handsome prince would look up from what he was doing and sense the love from his princess from across the miles. His heart yearned for her and it stirred him so deep that he knew without a doubt that she was his angel.

Then one day, the handsome prince awoke to the energy of the strongest passion he had ever encountered and decided that today was the day he would go to his beloved and commit his life to her. The time was right and the Gods were willing him to go and seek her.

Mounting his humble steed he rode hard until his horse broke a sweat. Finally he reached the castle. Dismounting, he wandered through the surrounding meadow to the river where she bathed. A breeze of his presence brushed her face and she was filled with the deepest love she had ever felt. She looked up and there before her with his eyes shining with deep gratitude and happiness, was her handsome prince. He fell to his knees and she ran to him with arms open to surround him with the love that was within him all along. The connection created a union so deep, the very heart of Mother Earth beat in their chests. She mounted his horse and he lead her to the castle where they bonded their love in the most exquisite love making. Heaven and earth rang the bells of love as they committed their lives and love, happily ever after.

Ahhhhhh....writing this, for a brief moment, I really got lost in the notion of being part of the fairy tale ! The notion of prince and princess, castles, romance and deep unbreakable love, STILL takes me off into dream wonderland. So what about you ?Let yourself feel it. Maybe in there somewhere among your buried thoughts, is the cotton wool world of your own version of a happily ever after story that is alive and kicking.

Traditional fairy tales may be confined to kiddies books, but see how the thread of the “happily ever after” consciousness, is around us every day of our lives. Movies such as Braveheart, Robin Hood and even dear old Shrek, have served to reach a place deep in our hearts which in many ways keeps us chained to searching for “the one” “our soul mate” “my twin flame”.

We have grown up with such strong conditioning from the world of movies, songs and Mills and Boon style books, that although fantasy is great, it is just that, fantasy. But not to be a party pooper, we must know that happily ever after is achievable but with alot of self awareness and a willingness to grow beyond our chains/blocks and to move forward with our partners in happily separate connectedness !

So coming back to you. Even though you may initially poo poo the notion of the fairy tale ending, it may be playing itself out in your expectation of how you think love should be with your partner or spouse. In your mind what is “right” to be able to achieve bliss and happiness may not be your partners idea of happily ever after and indeed they may have had the fairy tale proverbially knocked out of them along their life path, so treading with caution and gentleness would help.

Coming back to movies. I remember a friend going to the cinema a few years ago with her sister-in-law to see “PS I Love You” and upon arriving at home afterwards, finished with her husband on the spot, telling him that he had never loved her like Gerard Butler did his wife, in the movie and knew in her heart that it was over. Now this is an extreme I grant you, but it proves that what we think love should be, can often run our love lives.

So what can you do if your idea of happily ever after hasn’t happened and you feel it never will, no matter how hard you try ?

Here’s a clue..self awareness, self awareness, self awareness ! Every thought and feeling about anything, begins and end with you. It is NEVER the other persons fault for not loving you or making happen what you want to happen. We must give ourselves the love and care first and as the Law of Attraction kicks in, we attract love as a magnet from within us, FIRST. That seems to be the way !

Understand and self enquire into your expectations of love. Pain only comes to us when we are chained by our thoughts of what it should or shouldn’t be. Take a quiet moment to really investigate those feelings. Watch a romantic movie and notice how you feel. I used to feel a deep inner sadness and was, more often than not, deeply affected long after the movie had finished. Even the modern versions of King Kong had me boo hooing ! For me, it was a deep sense of never being loved truly madly deeply by a man and the perceived lack of “man love” kept me chained to the hope that one day my knight would ride into my life. In the mean time, I felt something was missing and the inner story of that reigned long until only a few years ago.

It may help to sit and talk to your partner or a dear friend about how you feel about love in general. Often those close to us can be of great help and comfort just by listening. Express what’s sitting deep inside. You maybe be surprised at what comes up and with their help you may be able to come to some conclusions and even revelations.

Not long ago, a dear friend said to me, when she was in pain over her man, “the thing is Gina, love equals pain for me”. My heart and empathy went out to her. So many people feel the same. Chained to fear of loss, we pull love towards us then push it away like a never ending yo-yo.

John Demartini, one my idols in the field of awakening human consciousness, once said “ True love is not nice, kind, sweet, positive. It is, nice and mean, kind and cruel, positive and negative, supporting and challenging, peaceful and warful, co-operative and competitive. Once we redefine love as a balance of complementary opposite states we realise that we are surrounded by love 24 hours a day. As long as we are looking for love in a one sided form (happily ever after), we will be looking for love our whole life and miss it”. So true.

Know that true love is a balance of opposites. Traditional Christian wedding vows talk about “for better for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer”. Accept that any perceived negativity is part of the cycle of life. Love and relationships ebb and flow, like day and night or birth and death. Happily Ever After misses one thing, its opposite. Fairy tale land is only ever good and happy. The balance of opposite is missing. It may sound crazy but we need opposites to create equilibrium in our lives. Attachment through craving and desire keep us chained and ultimately we suffer. Like it or not, this is reality. “Love what is”, as Byron Katie so rightly puts.

My story has a very happy ending. One I thought only happened in books. My knight did indeed ride into my life this year but dear readers, only after I truly stopped a few years ago to take a long hard look at myself, my love life, men, sex and all that had made up my book of tragic and other love stories. To TRULY look within and release myself was the only thing left for me to do after many years of trying to create the happily ever after story. As I released myself from old thought patterns and found the missing piece of the inner love jigsaw, which was a very subtle but definite shift, I no longer felt the need to cry myself to sleep over movies and songs. I had found the true meaning of “loving myself before we can love another” and the need to search for my soul mate, left me, for the first time in 25 years. Bliss !

If you feel that love equals pain and you want to really get to grips with it once and for all, I would love to hear from you. My website www.consciousunion.co.uk gives you more insight and inspiration into my way and thinking about conscious relationship creation and I offer consultations in a number of easy ways.

In the mean time become the love you want to attract. Namaste.

Author's Bio: 

Gina Hardy is the founder and creator of Conscious Union and a relationship educator, which in essence means she helps you learn about the deeper and often unconscious aspects that drive you to do and say the things you do in relationships. The things that create more conflict and keep you chained to repeat patterns. She is not a counsellor or psychologist, but has a 25 year portfolio of experience in love relationships, which she believes is the key ingredient in really understanding people's problems in love.

Her purpose is to take all of her experience blended with the soothing balm of education and help you create your very own conscious and healthy relationships. Her vision is to help create laboratories of healing for couples and soon to be couples, so that future generations will know the true meaning of happiness in authentic conscious love.

"Seeing you happy and free to be you, is my goal for us"