Get Over Yourself….then Stretch Yourself

A “hot mess” has many different meanings make sure you get over yours, it’s not as worst as it seems.

If anyone knows me or has met me, knows I love talking to people anywhere. I always learn something interesting when I talk to people.

Back in June, I was sitting in a corporate office in downtown Atlanta talking to a 26 year old receptionist named Stephanie. She was very beautiful with Indian features and dressed very conservative, but professional and I could tell that she worked out by the little snacks she had sitting on her desk.

When I am nervous going into a presentation, I am a chatterbox, so I peppered her with questions and Stephanie chatted up a storm. Her family had money and through her dad’s influence, she was able to secure a job with the company. She was still going to school and was pursuing a degree in the Arts. I asked her all kinds of questions about the company and the person I was trying to land as a client, to get the inside scoop, to get a feel for the person. And yes, I of course had to give her some advice about ignoring her parents’ concerns and following her passion.

Then Stephanie got a call. “Excuse me Ron I have to take this.” I said, “Go ahead”

I turned my attention to the plasma TV in the lobby and the first thing that came up was a press conference with Anthony Wiener. Remember Anthony Weiner? The congressman who tweeted lewd photos of himself to women? He got caught. He lied. Then he confessed. Then he resigned. I wondered if he would weather this controversy and bounce back.

Stephanie got off the phone and I asked her, “Do you think Anthony Wiener should have resigned?”
Stephanie said, “Who?”
“Anthony Wiener”
“I don’t know him but I bet he caught hell in school with that last name.”
I chuckled. “What? You don’t know Weiner.”
The congressman that texted photos of his private parts? It’s been all over the news, Stephanie.”
“Nope, no idea what you are talking about.”

It hit me like a ton of bricks. When you are in the middle of a “hot mess” in your life or business, you think everyone on the planet knows and its that shame keeps you beaten down. Here is a 26 year old that never heard of Wiener. In that moment, I understood why comebacks are possible. They are possible because most people don’t know or don’t care what you’ve done.

Your relationship failed and you think you’ll never find love again. Your business flounders and you can’t bring yourself to tough it out. You lose a great opportunity and you don’t go for another one. We are all so worried about what everyone thinks that we place limits on ourselves to what possible. We also convince ourselves that everyone knows about our “hot mess”.

It’s called “imaginary audience syndrome” and I first heard it described as it relates to teenagers. Teenagers think that everything they do is magnified and seen by everyone in school. That’s why the smallest pimple feels like a moon crater on your face. We do the same thing as adults.

Wiener may be an arrogant moron. He was the butt of jokes on late night talk shows when I wrote this, but by the time I blog this, he’ll be a distant memory and plotting his comeback. All he needs to remember is the same thing you and I do: they are 300 million Americans and the vast majority of them are just like Stephanie: they don’t have a clue about the hot mess you just made, and frankly, they don’t care.

Stretch yourself and get over it, you’ll be glad you did.
I look forward to connecting with you soon.