The search for the soul can send your whole life crashing into darkness. I know because I have experienced it. The darkness is not a punishment from a vengeful God or a karmic retribution from a past life time. When the soul gathers enough light from meditation, right action and reflection, the old reality created by the ego simply falls apart. We move from darkness into light and into darkness many times on the journey of the soul. This is the experience of the crashing down of the world created by the ego, a structure that simply doesn’t fit into the agenda of the soul.

The ego works to create safety, familiarity and comfort. It’s also based on a system of expectation of linear equations, like 2 x 2 =4. The quantum field probably works with equations such as 2 x 2 =30, if the observers are in agreement. The rules are different and they break apart the linear agreements of the rational mind. High magic is invoked, opening us to the realm of angels, miracles and love with equations that are impossible for the logical mind to multiply or divide.

With the structure of the world falling apart, it might be more constructive to conclude that it’s happening because we have gathered enough light to bring about a massive shift. It’s easy to see it all as a loss of 401Ks, savings and secure jobs, but is this the truth? The structures associated with security appear to be illusionary when we remember that everything is simply energy. Does anything really belong to us? In truth, it is all on loan.

We may know this through our spiritual intuition, but it feels differently when it is happening. It feels like fear, insecurity and vulnerability. Vulnerability is the experience of removing our shields or barriers that maintain the comfort zone. The ego structure holds walls in place that prevent new experiences and expansion. Our tendency is to desire the expansive nature of the light, but not the radical change that the light brings.

Expansion of the smaller self into the true self can feel like a catastrophe or like the Tarot Tower Card. The Tower Card depicts a man and woman being expelled from a tower as lightning strikes it. It symbolizes sudden change, release, downfall and revelation. The tower represents the outer world or safe structure compiled by the ego. The lightning symbolizes the power of the light that illuminates and changes reality instantaneously.

There is a Zen koan, with the same message (that I loved but didn’t understand in my twenties) and it reads, “Now that my barn has burned, I can see the moon more clearly.” The koan refers to the barn as the structure or matter built from the energy of our lives. The moon rose behind the barn. Without the barn, the moon – or what was really there - became apparent. The moon symbolizes the true self that reflects the light of the soul, in the same manner that the moon reflects the light of the sun – always there, but unseen because of the barn.

When the bonds of the ego are loosened, life can be a challenge because navigation through a new reality is necessary. Our outer reality is like a series of reference points that are used to assemble our experience our reality. Without a set of reference points, we can either descend into chaos or ascend into our intuitive gifts. By using our intuitive gifts, we can see in the darkness. We begin to perceive what is really there.

The Answer Within

When my own life fell into bits and pieces, I was fortunate to have the wolves as companions and teachers. Once, I wept for an entire cold, wet afternoon with the wolves. I shared my feelings of hopelessness and helplessness for hours with them. Wolves are too practical to offer platitudes. They simply reviewed my memories and sent a clear hologram from my childhood.

“Remember,’ they said. Suddenly, I was eight years again. I stood in the middle of one of the swamps on the farm. I was a mile or more from any human and had been lost for hours. I stopped walking and stood very still. I became aware of many noises, the sound and movement of the swamp. Suddenly, I saw a pattern in the trees. I realized that there was a pattern in the growth of the trees, the sounds of birds and the piece of blue sky that was visible between the tree limbs.
I took one step and realized that I was closer to home. I stopped, “felt” the sounds, trees and sky, and took another step. I realized that I could feel the direction of home. Like a magnet, I could “feel” when my alignment was correct. By moving through the swamp step-by-step, I eventually found my way home.
“It’s like that. Just take it one step at a time,” the wolves told me. “Take one step and see if you are moving toward home. Be sure, stop and then go forward again.” Then the wolves sent one of their beautiful waves of energy that was so filled with love, power and strength that I forgot my tears and pain. I didn’t forget the message, though.

We find our direction by taking one step at a time. The answers rarely come at once. They come in pieces and flashes and through hints and synchronicity. Answers tend to come when we are standing still, not when we are frantic or afraid. The whole universe is speaking and waiting for us to listen. It’s out there in the voice of the birds, the movement of the sky, the message that flashed in the email, or the book falling from the shelf. Meditation and self-reflection lead to a place of stillness where the answers flow.

When we find the answer, it resounds within us. The right answer usually feels quiet and solid. It’s best to keep the answer quietly within while taking simple steps toward it. Belief and faith are two good companions for traveling this road.
Eventually, the time will come to take a big jump, to cross a gully or jump across a ditch. It’s then that we have to summon courage. By summoning courage, we are asking that the magic begin. It’s the time to do the things that we always wanted and needed to do anyway. We have to leave behind the trappings of the tower, the buildings of the ego and the accompanying negativity.

Here are few tips for navigation:

*The answer is within, not without. Sit quietly. Determine to connect with the light. Decide that you can and will find your answer.

*Hold the answer within and move steadily toward it. Don’t talk about your path with other people.

*Take small steps whenever possible.

*Take this time as an opportunity to establish a meditation practice, exercise, and eat well. Change yourself.

*Surrender negative ties with people and activities. Increase your energy level.

*Find a teacher. Read about metaphysics. Practice all that you learn.

*Have courage. Persevere.

The Star

It helps to remember that the desires of the soul are very strong, so strong that they created the present experience of destruction. Through persistence, it is possible to find the path that leads to the next card, the Star. The star brings true spiritual renewal, healing of old wounds, and seeing life from a totally new perspective. The apparent nightmare can evolve into a gift. We find that the gift is in us, not in the external world.

We also learn about the value of duality, the darkness and the light. While the darkness may temporarily obscure and absorb all of the good in the world, there is unremitting, underlying all loving light. It is the star that shines in the pit of the darkness.

Skills, talents and gifts are awakened by moving through the darkness toward the beckoning star. Our vibrations are raised by replacing negative thoughts and feelings with positive ones. By following the distant light of the Star, courage is developed as we travel through travail and hardships.

Regardless of the events in outer world, we learn to lean on the light. As we learn to focus on the light, the angels and higher beings draw near. When the light is petitioned with every fiber of our being, the Universe responds. The Quantum Field bestows magic and miracles.

As we continue on our journey, the Star beckons with her gleaming beauty and shining light. When close enough to her visage, we understand that the growing light of the Star was only a reflection, a reflection of our own evolving light. We perceive the beauty and importance of the soul’s journey of night into light.

Author's Bio: 

Julia Griffin is an intuitive counselor who aids in others in following the path of their soul. She hears the thoughts of people, the voices of animals and plants. She is an astronomer and alchemist who teaches universal concepts. During her awakening, she lived for nine years with wolves and learned much about the role of nature in alchemy from them. She is a writer for Spirit of Maat ezine. Her website is