If someone has been harmed by another person, they could end up being told that they need to forgive them. This could be put forward as the only way for them to truly move on from what has happened.

For this to take place, they will need to let go of the ‘negative’ feelings that they have towards this person. Through cutting these emotional ties, they will liberate themselves from an experience, or experiences, that is a thing of the past.

A Waste of Energy

Getting angry and worked up about what happened can give them an energy boost, but it won’t do much else. Furthermore, the ‘negative’ feelings that they experience won’t harm anyone else, but they will harm them.

How they feel will limit the number of good feelings that they are able to experience and it can undermine their immune system. To look at this rationally, holding onto past hurts is a complete waste of time.

The Solution

Through living in what could be described as a mind-centric society, they may be told that the way for them to let go of how they feel will be to change what is going on up top. This could even be seen as something that will take place through the use of their will.

Thus, once they are ready to move on, they will be able to simply let go of what happened and to put the past behind them. This approach could work, or they could just end up repressing how they really feel.

The Reason

What this comes down to is that although our thoughts are often seen as creating our feelings, there is more to it. Also, while willpower has a time and a place, it is not always the right tool for the job.

Someone’s thoughts can trigger how they feel, which means that they will need to deal with their feelings, not just their thoughts. This won’t take place through the use of ones will though; it will take place through them surrendering to how they feel.

Two Approaches

The mind, with its use of force and will power to do things, can be seen as being very masculine with its approach. While the body, the part that is about surrendering and just being, can be seen as being feminine with its approach.

Both of these approaches are important when it comes to letting go. The former will get the ball moving, and provide one with the focus what they need to see this through to its completion, and the latter will allow one to embrace how they feel and to process these feelings.

Emotional Work

When it comes to working through feelings, this can be a time when one will need to grieve – to cry. On the surface can be the harder feelings of anger, and even rage, and at a deeper level, there can be feelings that are a lot softer.

So, if this was a time when they felt violated, they could carry a lot of deep hurt and sadness. Acknowledging the feelings that are on the surface, without getting caught up in them, will allow one to feel the feelings that are underneath and to work through them.

A New Beginning

Through undertaking this process, one may find that they are able to slowly let go of what took place in their past. As a result of this, they will have more energy to create a life that is in alignment with who they are.

Then again, they may find that it is still not possible for them to truly put what took place behind them. One will then have taken the ‘right’ steps and yet, they won’t have been able to transform their life.

The Missing Ingredient

It could be said that this is to be expected as an important part of this process will have been overlooked. In addition to forgiving another person, there is a strong chance that one will also need to forgive themselves.

In fact, it could be said that it is far more important for one to forgive themselves than it is for them to forgive another. Irrespective of what took place, there is the chance that one blamed themselves.

A Closer Look

When it comes to forgiving another, the main thing is that one deals with the feelings that they have towards them as this will liberate them. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter if they actually like this person after.

However, while they will be able to cut their ties with another person, they are not going to be able to turn their back on themselves; they will always be in their life. Ergo, this is why they will need to work through how they feel and to make peace with themselves.

A Natural Reaction

The reason why one would blame themselves for what happened can be put down two reasons. Firstly, they could have a strong inner citric that is happy to lay into them and make them believe that they are to blame for everything, and secondly, what they went through may have happened when they were egocentric.

If they were harmed as a small child, they would have been egocentric, and this would have made them believe that what they went through was their fault. In reality, what they went through had nothing to do with them or reflect their value as a human being.


If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, four hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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