If someone was to come to the conclusion that what shows up in their personal reality is the result of random factors and that one is nothing more than an observer, they might end up receiving the approval of the majority of people around them. And this is because the western world generally supports this outlook.

However, when it comes to the self development world, the opposite outlook is often supported. Here, one is seen as the co-creator of their reality and what shows up in their reality is the result of what they have focused on.

And as these two views are so different, it is only natural that disagreement will appear. Not only can this be from one side, but from both sides.

Two Outlooks

If one person or a group of people believe they are simply the observers of their reality, then it could take a lot for them to consider, let alone accept, an outlook that is radically different.

And if one has the outlook that they are co-creating their reality, as well as being the observers of it, they might wonder how other people can’t accept this. But if one has had a certain belief and a life that is built around this belief, then it is going to be a challenge to change it.

Being Right

When it comes to the ego mind, the need to be right is incredibly important. This is because being wrong is interpreted as death. What one is familiar with is interpreted as what will keep them alive and what is not familiar is interpreted as what will lead to their demise.

It doesn’t matter if something is true, functional or healthy, all that matters is that is has become familiar. From here, the ego can run on autopilot and what one believes will be accepted, regardless of whether it is true or not. That is unless one utilizes their neo cortex and is able to question what they believe.


Through being conscious and using one’s ability to question what their ego mind has come to believe, as well as having the understanding that their survival is unlikely to be at risk, one can come to their own conclusions. Not only in regards to if they are the co-creators of their reality, but to question if the beliefs they have come to identify with are true.

And with this, one can open themselves up to other points of views and ways of looking at life. If one has had a certain outlook for their whole life and one that is supported by the society they live in, it could feel uncomfortable to change it; to even think about changing it could cause tension.

One Step At A Time

Sometimes it is better to start small and gradually build up to something big. If one was to say that one is the co-creator of their reality and this was a completely new to them, it could be overwhelming and even rejected.

Especially if one’s life is not going to plan and they are experiencing a lot of things that they don’t want to experience. If one was in a position where a number of areas of their life were going to plan, then it might be easier for them to consider this outlook.


When someone is about to buy a new car, it could be one that they rarely see on the road or anywhere for that matter. And once they have began to think about buying the car and then when they start to drive it, they soon begin to see that other people have the same car.

At first, it could appear as though other people have suddenly started buying the same car. And yet what it comes down to is that one’s mind was not programmed to see the car before; there could have been other people who were driving it and yet one wouldn’t have noticed.

The car had no meaning to them and so it was practically invisible; like going into a room full of people that one doesn’t know, they can all look the same. However, now it has meaning and therefore stands out.


This example could come across as being fairly trivial and yet it is can be easy to relate to; it’s not complex or too hard to understand. Unless one had this car or was just interested in the car, then the car would have no meaning.

So with that in mind, it could be said that one only sees what their mind wants to see. Reality is then not observed, it is filtered in a way that reflects what is taking place within. And what one sees will be the partly due to where their point of focus is and what is associated as familiar to their ego mind.

Two Levels

And while what ones ends up seeing externally can be the result of what they are consciously focused on, it can also be the result of what is going on a deeper level. When it comes to the example about the car above, it is clear that this is generally due to what one is consciously focusing on and what has gradually seeped into their unconscious mind.

However, when it comes to someone who attracts an abusive relationship for instance, it is going to seem unlikely that they would focus on attracting someone like this. And this is because of what is going on for them at a deeper level.


So when something is familiar, it is classed as safe to the ego mind. And the mind will therefore filter out anything that goes against it. When it comes to what is familiar in regards to relationships, these associations are usually created at a very young age.

As these experiences were the first that one had, they will be interpreted as what is safe. It won’t matter if these experiences were dysfunctional or unhealthy, what matters is they are familiar. The mind will then end up filtering ones reality so that they have the same relational experiences.


So there is what one consciously focuses on and what their unconscious mind has been programmed to focus on. When it comes to what one consciously focuses on, it will be important for one to reflect on whether something is enhancing their life.

And in order to change what is taking place a deeper level, one will need to let go off what their ego mind has associated as familiar and therefore safe. This can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

Author's Bio: 

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy."

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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