How To Balance Your Emotions

By Pierre Ah-Fat, MBA, Transformation Coach

We want to love and be loved. Don't we?

We may fear being rejected by others. But before asking why others would reject us have we ever wondered whether we accept ourselves as we are? Ever wondered whether you were kind to yourself? Draw a list of things that you appreciate in yourself. Add one or two things every day and watch how your way of looking at yourself changes.

Ten things you like most

You may also draw a list of ten things that you like doing. Continue enjoying them. What is the thing that you like doing most? When did you do it for the last time? Decide today to do at least one thing that pleases your heart, e.g. buying a personal gift for you, meeting a good friend, watching a movie, listening to music you like, watching a foot ball match, walking, shopping, reading a few pages from an interesting book. Treat yourself with a very nice meal every now and then. Buy yourself the beautiful pair of shoes or clothes that you fancy.

Positive self-talk

Do you talk nicely to yourself by practising positive self-talk? Do you praise yourself enough? Without blowing your own trumpet, focus on the positive things that you do. You will thus motivate yourself to improve continuously. The more you do something that makes you feel good, the more comfortable and confident you will feel.

Be good to yourself

Please yourself. Valorize yourself. Appreciate your qualities and talents. Be humble enough to simply say thank you when somebody sincerely praises you. Recall the good moments of your life (celebrations, accomplishments, meetings, happy moments, music, a movie, holiday memories, your photo album, video clips, a person that you like, travelling, sightseeing, visiting leisure parks, being with friends, family gathering, chatting, playing, laughing, dining out,singing, etc.). Decide to go for those well deserved holidays.

Develop self-care

Take care of yourself as you are unique. Protect yourself against burnout. Watch your health. Eat sane food. Exercise. Take three deep breaths. Then breathe normally. Simply feel the air entering your nostrils and coming out of your mouth.

Review your day

Express your emotions. At the end of each day, review the events and encounters. Recall the emotions that you felt for each event. You can write them down if you want. Were you pleased, or did you feel low, sad or frustrated? What made you feel satisfied? What lessons have you learnt?

Release emotions

If you feel like, cry over your pillow or on the shoulder of a trustworthy person, or write your journal. If you are a believer, pray. Reckon your feelings and move forward. Keep a diary or journal of your successes and accomplishments (projects completed, health initiatives, positive encounters, job satisfaction, overcoming obstacles, bouncing back, character improvements, good habits, helping other persons, studying, building a web site – why not even create your private website where you update your CV, enhance your image, include photos of your achievements, testimonies?

Praise others

If you like to be praised, start by praising those around you. Tell them what you appreciate in them. Keep friends that are positive and happy. People who are always complaining are not of good company. Remember to say `I love you; the dinner you prepared was nice; I like talking to you.’ This works wonders. If you wait too long before deciding to express your love, it may be too late one day.

Keep good company

Keep around you things that you like most (music, decorations, CDs, movies, photos, books, magazine articles, nice encouraging e-mails from true friends, greeting cards).
Avoid places where you feel uncomfortable, guilty or which remind you of sad or unfortunate memories.

Fix your goal

Avoid comparing yourself to others. Fix yourself a goal and do two or three things daily towards its realisation. Develop your resilience. Accept and learn to tackle the problems of everyday life. Don’t be fussy about small troubles which form part of life.

Be resilient

Learn to bounce back when you fall. Be patient and tolerant. Do one thing at a time. Proceed without haste.
In his book, The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman describes how people have different love languages. If you say that you love your partner in a language that she does not understand, then she might not know that you love her! We need to learn the love language of our partner as we learn a foreign language. What does your partner or friend like most: spending quality moments with you, affirmative words, gifts, physical touch, or acts of service? Which language do you yourself prefer? Can you both meet halfway and create win-win situations?

Mutual Exchange

Exchange mutually beneficial information. Respect the feelings and opinions of others. Be tolerant. Be generous by sincerely valorizing others, raising their self-esteem.
Self consciousness is the No.1 enemy of self confidence. Keep your attention off yourself. Get interested in others. Their attention is not always focused on you. They have their own preoccupations. Normally you’ll notice you have become self-conscious when you start feeling anxious.
Be honest. Be true to yourself. The secret of happiness is when your mind, your heart and your body are on the same frequency.

Learn to assert yourself. Say `no’ calmly. Ask for something gently without always having to excuse yourself. Respond calmly to criticism.

Laughing Is Free

Practise humour always. As you wake up, think of your cells laughing! Remember one of the best jokers that we can have in our sleeve, is a good sense of humour. Let us practise laughing at ourselves as well.

Keep on learning with fun.

We do not stop learning because we are old. We grow old when we stop learning. Study a topic at a time. Research on the internet. By learning you keep your attention off yourself. Examine an object, look at its different textures and color shades. Wonder about who made it and how. Ask questions. Pay attention to natural sceneries around you. Discover the small things around you that rejoice your heart. Let air in to keep your home fresh and healthy. Examine a flower or observe a bird, a painting or photo. Listen to the bird choir in the morning. Admire the sunset and sunrise. Sit in your garden and let fresh air and sunlight energize you.

You Are Never Alone

Human beings are not made to live alone. We are all interdependent. Feel connected always and notice the change that the feeling of togetherness brings. We feel lonely when we think we can do everything all alone. Do not hesitate to ask for help from the right people. Seek relevant advice and support from those close to you. Accept when they cannot help immediately. Keep your network alive.

Happiness is not a continuous process. It is made of small happy moments which added together weigh more on the balance of life.

Remind yourself of the importance of:

• Welcoming and greeting,
• Being attentive and caring to others
• Being aware that the other one also needs to be put at ease
• Being compassionate
• Saying thank you, congratulating, appreciating the other one for who he is, saying you love him or her, saying it’s a pleasure talking to him, apologizing, proposing to help, reassuring.
• Avoiding criticism or judgment against others;
. Respecting and honouring your parents
• Encouraging and praising your children
. Being loyal and true
• Being humble and polite

And above all, being happy!

© Pierre Ah-Fat, 05 June 2013

Author's Bio: 

Pierre Ah-Fat assists persons tap their inner resources to transform stumbling blocks into stepping stones thus enabling them to move forward to become the best they can be. The journey of transformation focuses on self-knowledge, the unleashing of natural talents and strengths, motivation, communication skills, managerial competencies, the development of creative and innovative strategies,change management, career choices and transitions, continuous learning by fun.