Feeling Lost and Alone In Marriage: Feeling Alone and Unloved In Marriage

We've all been through times in our lives when it was so busy we would rarely have time to ourselves let alone time to contact our family and friends. With every day life moving as quickly as it is, there just seems to be no time to do everything in one day and get a decent amount of sleep so you can do it all over again the next day. It's no wonder why it's so hard these days for a married couple to share a strong relationship. If you feel your marriage is lacking, check out the following advice to improve or even save your marriage!

1. Call them. Yes, this sounds simple and it is! Whether you initiate the phone call or are returning one, it is all based on keeping an open line of communication. Nothing says "I don't care," more than not calling or not calling back. And if you married the person, it's obvious you care about them! So show them! It doesn't have to be a long conversation; not everyone has the time for that anymore. You can just call to say hi and that you love and miss them. If you're returning a call and don't have a lot of time to devote to your spouse that second, let them know that you were just returning their call and arrange a later and better time to really catch up.

2. E-mail them. This flows along with the idea of an open line of communication, only to a further extent. If it's hard for the two of you to talk on the phone, your next solution would be e-mail. You can write out anything to any length and send it to your spouse for him or her to read when they can. However, if you're looking for an immediate response, maybe you should develop your patience because chances are, you probably won't receive that. On the other hand, if you just want to send say, pictures of the family, pets, etc. or just don't need to instantly receive anything back from them, then the e-mail system will work out great. Another thoughtful thing to do is send your marriage partner articles or websites that concern his or her hobbies or interests. It shows that you still care and think about them and want them to be happy even when the two of you are apart.

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3. Pay attention. When catching up on the phone or in e-mails, pay attention and really listen to what is being said. You'd be surprised at what can be uncovered! Now I'm not saying analyze everything that comes out of either of your mouths but if something jumps out at you or you keep hearing the same thing over and over again, you should probably consider that to be something important enough to explore further. For example, if you keep hearing about visits to say, Starbucks, and there's no indication that your spouse is tired of it, maybe you should make arrangements to meet at one. The next time he or she is there without you, that special visit you two shared will be on his or her mind and therefore mentally connecting the two of you when you can't be in the physical company of one another.

4. Cherish the time you talk to them. A phone conversation or e-mail may be occasional in your marriage so don't be afraid to say what's on your mind. Yes, there is a time and place for everything and judging that is a whole other subject but if you feel a specific time is appropriate for what you have to say, then say it! You married your fiancé to share a life together and bond on many levels so why hide your true feelings? The key here is confidence. If you feel that strongly about something, your enthusiasm will show through and at least that much will be respected. All I'm saying is don't hold back too much because you never know when you'll get another chance to speak your mind or show your appreciation.

5. Cherish the time you spend together. This may happen even less if the two of you are on opposing schedules so make it high quality and top priority when the plans do come up. You don't necessarily have to go out though. Maybe you could spend a quiet night at home with no cell phones and minimal connection to the outside world. Okay, maybe that seems like a lot to ask but think of it this way, the more distractions, the less continuous the connection will be between the two of you, which will lessen the quality of your time together. If you do want to go out, maybe you could go to a favorite restaurant or see a movie starring one of your commonly admired actors. The more special the activities are that you two share as a couple, the easier it will be to do your own individual tasks. Even if you're dog-tired be thankful you have someone to share a love with and to spend time with whatever time of the day or night it is.

These are just a few simple tips that are fairly easy to utilize and benefit from. If you want to re-ignite the spark between you and your marriage partner, take this invaluable marriage advice. There is so much to gain from the help offered here and it only requires a small amount of effort to put the suggestions to use. I'm giving you this match; now it's your job to strike it, see the flames it will produce, and save your marriage!

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I feel the need to reaffirm all that is good in marriage, and remind our readers that even if your marriage isn't perfect, and none are, congratulations on continuing to keep the home fires burning.

The War On Families

The institution of marriage has been under fire for some time now, and it is often made a mockery of by "alternative lifestyles". Recently, someone has even gone so far as to marry a dolphin.

So I applaud you for enduring well in your marriage vows and truly being committed to what is not only best for you and your family, but society.

Study after study has shown that the strength of the community is found in the strength of it's families. So when you choose to marry and stay together through the growing pains of marriage, you not only help yourself, and your family, you are impacting your community.

Married Couples Are In The Majority

The good news...the majority of people value marriage as well. In a recent survey on our MarriageAdvice website, 60% of the respondents would rather try and work through marital problems, even if that included infidelity, than choose divorce.

Studies also show that marriages are often made stronger following counseling, counseling that would not have occurred were it not for the infidelity.

That doesn't mean that you will strengthen your marriage by committing adultery. However, it does confirm the idea that there are ripples of underlying marital strife when a spouse goes astray. Thus, it's important to address these issues while they are minor.

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With that said, it's time that we pat one another on the back and recognize that in spite of the attacks on the family unit, we will win both the battle and the war on families.

So keep heart, and when you may have big questions as to why you're married to your spouse, take a moment to remember the many wonderful things you loved about them when you first met.

Try and look at the qualities they possess as you first viewed them when dating. For example, do you remember their confidence, that you may now classify as "stubborn." Or their generosity that you may now classify as "buying your love."

Take a step back and really look at their intentions, and you will discover that they're still the same person who you fell in love with, but you both have evolved. So view their qualities/weakness with a kind heart and you'll soon discover they will view you the same way and your love will deepen.

Look to those positive attributes and you will discover they are still there. Soon you'll find that those "big concerns" really aren't so big after all. Perspective is a wonderful thing, if we'll just take a moment to view our marriage from the big picture. Then we will see how powerful that memory is in keeping our hearts turned to the things of greatest worth, our spouse and family.

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I have discovered this dilemma rather common for more youthful couples, late or probably mid twenties and early thirties, than of older ages.

It seems in the younger ages there is more of a bit of confusion on actual goals in life and what one truly wants to accomplish.

The Course in Miracles further states, "The temptation of the ego becomes extremely intense with this shift in goals."

Normally one reports falling out of love, and is genuinely disturbed by this shift.

He/she (and this is not simply a female problem!) wishes to "recapture" those feelings.

This person has actually found a "loved one" who has stirred those inactive feelings and this individual again, "feels in love."

They have decided not to "settle" for a less than an ideal relationship, which indicates, naturally, feeling the love sensations.

Here are some Key Points for these kinds of signs of an affair:

Falling in false-love with someone else is the standard:

The implication being, that if it does not take place, or if it goes away, something is wrong-- with you, your spouse or the marriage.

A great relationship needs to first unlearn an excellent deal.

Usually the person having an affair experiences a high degree of regret and dispute, and he or she is typically married to an "excellent" person and the desire to "find that caring feeling" seems selfish (which it is) and immature (which it is).

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Intuitively (and this individual usually has a good deal of intuition and sensitivity) it is known at another level that he/she is not on the best path.

This individual generally needs drama and excitement:

Life quickly becomes a daytime drama and emotional juice from the fall-out of emotionally intense relationships reigns, instead of living life from the core of who one is.

Falling out of love generally occurs when the attractors become the distracters:

His love for enjoyable and spontaneity, which drew her initially to him, ends up being irresponsibility.

The individual "looking for love":

He or she is in fact looking for the suitable, somebody out there, who will forecast back to him/her that he or she is OKAY. No, more than OKAY, near to ideal.

This person needs to be told how wonderful he/she is:

The individual needs to think another loves him/her, since there is a lack of inner strength and strong identity.

The other becomes my world, due to the fact that I lack a world. Being "in love" is the panacea for my vacuum.

Sexual activity might indeed END the relationship or at least move it to the point where the attractors end up being, again, the 'distracters.'

The idealized images may be held together by long phone calls, presents, love letters, emails, and so on.

The struggle at times of raising kids, keeping a career and beginning, paying bills, etc., end up being the focal point for the couple, and for one of them feeling like they are falling out of love.

Here are some recommendations:

Make sure you are patient and care for yourself if your spouse is dealing with this type of relationship.

Your spouse does not have the capability to do this for you (or anybody) at this moment.

Yes, you are her/his and, affair states less about you and far more about the emptiness within her/him.

It is time for you to understand 'you' better.

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A good business owner regards his employee's with respect and consideration, and because of that, his employee's treat him back with respect, and sometimes do more then is expected of them. This creates a well run business. In the same way, when we regard our spouse with consideration and respect, we get more from them, sometimes even more than we expected! Isn't that great?

A well-run business is like a well-run marriage; they both involve the players letting down their pride. Pride is the major cause of marital problems and divorce. Pride is a strong emotion that prevents couples from coming out of their selfishness and submitting to one another, even though couples are capable of giving so much more of themselves to each other.

Pride is the major cause of business failure because prides prevents the business owner from coming out of his arrogance and submit to his employee's properly. Both marriage and business involve team players if they are to succeed.

Pride is a cumulative mix of feelings that come out in the way we behave and act with others, and is not always noticeable to the casual observer. A business owner who is proud and arrogant typically will not treat his employee's very well, and they will become unhappy and unsatisfied with their job, and they will soon quit. The same is with marriage. If one spouse behaves proud and arrogant on a consistent basis the other spouse is going to want to quit on the marriage.

Below are just two ways in which a proud attitude might stand in the way of a marriage and business from being successful. Can you think of any more?

Both husband and wife must be willing to work at the marriage. Pride prevents couples from working at the marriage because they don't want to cooperate with one another and in business if there is no cooperation, or willingness to make the business better, the business is going to go out of business!

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Basically, pride stands in the way of the spouses in marriage from negotiating and compromising with each other. Both marriage and business rely on this common ground of negotiation for them to be successful. Both husband and wife must be willing to work at themselves instead of each partner trying to change each other.

Pride prevents couples from seeing their own faults. All they see is the fault of their spouse, and since pride begets selfishness, couples remain self-seeking, inconsiderate, and disrespectful with one another. But marriage doesn't have to be like this.

In the same way what do you think is going to happen if an employer treats his employee's with disrespect and contempt? They're going to quit, aren't they? They're going to separate themselves from their mean employer and get a brand new employer.

If couples are not getting spiritual counsel and wisdom from the architect of marriage, where and who are they getting it from? Why do couples rely on the trust and counsel of strangers to their marriage instead of the source of who designed marriage from the beginning?

Pride stands in the way of wanting to trust in God for marriage, therefore couples continue to operate in the selfish mode of thinking. The first solution to marital problems coming from a proud mindset is divorce, which comes from the foundation of the world, but look where that has gotten marriage and family.

The lack of commitment from couples these days is absolutely incredible. Where there is no commitment there can be no marriage. Husband and wife are to regard one another with care and consideration because honestly folks, that is what marriage takes to make it work. There is absolutely no room for pride, arrogance, and contempt in marriage.

It is the same way for the business owner. What would happen if he had no commitment to his business? He isn't going to care too much about his business, is he? A business owner, who doesn't regard his business with the care and respect it deserves, isn't going to be in business for very long.

The bottom line is we need to give up our pride and submit to one another properly and appropriately, whether we are working on building up our business or whether we are working on building up our marriage. Both marriage and business take team players giving in to each other to make them successful.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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