Feel Like A Stranger In My Marriage: Feeling Disconnected In Marriage

Knowing your partners weakness is vital to saving your marriage before it's too late. When you step back and take a look at the patterns that develop around conflict in your marriage, you are given essential clues to combat conflict and understanding weakness.

In Gary Chapman's book "The Five Love Languages" he explains the importance of understanding our spouses "love language", the words or actions that bring them the most joy. Similarly it is important to understand our partners weaknesses to better combat conflict.

Each individual will respond differently to conflict. If we observe how our spouse responds to conflict we are better able to choose our words and actions wisely to end conflict in our marriage.

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If our spouse retreats from conflict or becomes silent and unresponsive, we can change the tone very quickly. Asking a question like "what could I do that would improve this situation" is non-confrontational yet demonstrates to our spouse that they are important to us.

Do you have a spouse that is particularly volatile or reacts quickly at the hint of conflict? Often times if just left alone to vent for a few minutes they will get it out of their system. Rather than engaging them or negating anything they say, just listen. Listen carefully to what they are saying, often if they are allowed to rant and rave, they will give up valuable insight to what is really bothering them.

Beware, many times the complaint or conflict is not what is first brought up in conversations or arguments. Active listening will give the opportunity to ask for clarification. "I want to make sure I understand your concerns", followed by restating what you believe to be their concerns will open the door to better communication, without confrontation.

If you take the time to understand our spouse' weakness you are then prepared for saving your marriage before it's too late. Put your understanding to use and resolve the conflict to a peaceful conclusion.

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Showing Appreciation

There are times where we get caught up of being too busy in our life that we forget the people that are important in our life to appreciate them more. This is especially true for married couples who have been married for a long time. People forget to recognize how they can be so lucky to have someone until one of them leaves them or when a tragedy happens. When you try to solve your marriage problem at the point, it can be hard to do and it is much better that you fix it now and deal with it right away.

What you can do is that you need to some time to consider if you want to do this in your marriage. All of use wants to feel important, valued and love. When you have a healthy marriage, this means that those needs are being met. But if your spouse feels like you take them for granted or fail to acknowledge that wonderful things that you spouse do, and then this can be part of your problem. What you need to do is to start paying attention to all the wonderful things you spouse can do for you and your spouse qualities as well. You can show gratitude and appreciation. When you do this, it can go a long way in saving your marriage which can be on the brink of divorce.

Failing to Communicate

All relationships whatever it may be, requires quality communication so that it can be healthy and it can go on track before the crisis happens. Many married couples out there fail to talk openly with each other. One of the problems is that women sometimes presume what their husband is thinking. Men on the other hand would avoid challenging conversations that can feel uncomfortable for them. Over time, there are a lot of issues that need to deal with that are just swept under the rug that can start to fester.

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If saving a marriage is a priority for you, then it is important that you fix your communication with your spouse first. If growing up your parents don't talk to each other, this can be hard for you to do. But you can begin the communication by initiating more about it and opening conversations. With practice and a lot of effort, you and your spouse can be better in your communication with each other.

In order for the communication to go on smoothly, you need to make some ground rules about it. One example is that either of you can indicate if you need a time out. There are times where a discussion can start to get heated and if one of you feels like that you may something you will regret later, this can be a perfect time to just step away from the conversation. You can just talk again when the two of you are calmer.

It is important that you show appreciation and learn to communicate well are the two of the most important steps in where you can save your marriage which is struggling or in a crisis. You can start in yourself to make these changes. This can show your spouse that you really care and how important your spouse is to you.

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Marriage is great when it works. But if you are in a marriage that is not what you desire it to be, you still owe it to yourself to work on your relationship before you start thinking about divorce. You are living with your partner but feel all alone, you are never on the same page. Had years of marriage counseling and that did not work. You start wondering if you are the only couple that is stuck like that and feeling miserable.

Divorce is necessary at times, some couples spiral so deep into their painful issues that patching up their marriage is almost impossible. But before you call it quits make sure you try everything you can to save your marriage.

Before you decide to divorce ask yourself these questions:

1. Is your relationship broken down and can not be repaired
2. Is there any love left in this marriage
3. Have you done everything in your power to make this marriage work
4. Is there anything else that you can do to save your marriage

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It is very hard to end a relationship that you invested so much in, your hopes and dreams for this marriage are very difficult to give up. Once you realize that you tried everything humanly possible and still you feel like the divorce would be the best thing for both of you, just go ahead and end it.

Make sure that you don't hold any ill feelings towards your mate and let go of your guilt feelings. If you are going to get married again you must deal with all the emotional garbage so you don't bring it to the new relationship. You can be happy again in your new marriage just try not to repeat the same behavior that got you in trouble with the first marriage.

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I often hear from people who ask for my advice about what to do when their spouse confesses that he or she is no longer in love with them. I often hear comments like: "my husband told me that he's fallen out of love with me. I'm floored and devastated. He hasn't asked for a divorce yet and said he just wanted to be honest and wanted to tell me how he felt. He didn't offer any solution or suggestions. He basically just told me that he had fallen out of love and then asked me to pass the salt at dinner. I got up and went for a walk and we haven't discussed it since. How am I supposed to react to this? What am I supposed to do? I'm relieved he hasn't filed for divorce, but I have to think that this might be on the horizon if I don't make a change. But, what changes do I need to make and how do I even begin? I'm the same person I've always been. It seems to me that he's the one who has changed."

This can be an incredibly difficult situation. Most people understand that they need to act quickly, but they can feel quite paralyzed because of how hurtful this reality often is. This statement can feel like a harsh judgment or a painful rejection so many people instinctively want to retreat and shut down, which is the last thing that you should do. In the following article, I'll tell you my take on how to best handle it when your spouse tells you they have fallen out of love with you.

Don't Make Assumptions That Keep You From Taking Action: As I said, hearing these words can cause very deep wounds. Sometimes, people will turn this inward onto themselves. They will assume that they are no longer attractive, that their spouse has found someone else, or that there's really nothing that they can do to make their spouse fall in love with them again. In short, they will find the situation to be quite hopeless or insurmountable.

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The thing is, I've seen this situation turn around many times. But, it often doesn't if you allow the hurt of these words to paralyze you. Many spouses do not get this type of warning. In this way, it could be considered a type of blessing if you can manage it. At least you have the opportunity to address it before your divorce proceeding is winding it's way through the court system. Take advantage of the head's up that you've been given and come up with a workable plan.

Understanding Projection So That You Don't Internalize His Saying He's No Longer In Love: Before I go over tips on what to do in this situation, I have to explain that sometimes, your spouse may well think that they've fallen out of love with you when what they are really unsatisfied with is the grind and stressors of life in general. In short, they're no longer in love with their life and they're projecting this onto the most convenient person, which at this time, is you.

That's why it's important that although you take decisive action, you don't take this too personally. Yes, their feelings toward you may be running cold rather than hot right now. But this doesn't mean that the intense, positive feelings can't and won't return. They can and they often will if you take the correct action and play your cards right.

Setting It Up So That Your Spouse Falls Back In Love With You: I have to admit that I don't really embrace the terminology of phrases like "falling out of" and "falling into" love. This implies that you really don't have a whole lot of control over the matter and that it's all quite involuntary. Although chemistry, attraction, personalities, and behaviors have much to do with who we love and who we don't, the circumstances and situations in your life at the time have much to do with the whole process also.

If you and your spouse are both distracted, drained, undergoing stressors, or being pulled in a million different directions, your time and attention allocation can not help but be affected. As a result, you may not be able to shower your spouse will affection as much as you did in the beginning. This is normal and natural. But, it's interesting that so few people connect the dots between this change and the resulting change in the feelings of being "in love." I firmly believe that they are intimately connected.

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Without fail, when people tell me that they've fallen out of love, I am extremely confident that either the time and attention allotment has changed over time or some stressor or situation in their life has negatively affected their feelings for one another. Both of these things can be overcome. It's not always easy and it sometimes takes time.

But very often, if you can remember those things that brought you together in the first place and focus on bringing back more of those things into your life on a continual and deliberate basis, you will often find that the feelings follow right along. Sometimes, when I explain this, the message is understood but I'll sometimes hear replies like: "It sounds like a good idea but I'm not sure if it's going to work. He would never expect for me to just suddenly shower him with attention or put everything on the back burner."

Nothing says you have to be overtly obvious about this. In fact, you shouldn't. You should come off like someone who is just trying to lighten the load of someone you love and want to support. But you will often have to take a chance and experience at least a little vulnerability. However, there's nothing that says you can't move gradually as you're comfortable as long as you're seeing some improvement with whatever pace you are using.

But no matter how and when you act, you often will have do something and take some action. Because if you just sit by and hope things will get better on their own and that your spouse will just fall back in love with you without any effort or changes on your part, you may well not get the result that you're hoping for.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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