If a man was brought up by a father who was physically and verbally abusive, he might not be in a good way now that he is an adult. In fact, he could be in a very bad way and each day could be a challenge.

However, if he is in a bad way, it doesn’t mean that he will realise why he is this way. This could just be what is normal, which will stop him from questioning why his life is this why, let alone reflecting on these early years.

The Symptoms

When it comes to his life, it might be a challenge for him to think about one area that is going well. Then again, he might be able to find at least one area that is not too bad if he was to think long and hard enough.

When it comes to his job or career if he has one, this could be an area that drains him. As for his relationships, this could be an area of his life where he is typically treated like a doormat and is not respected.


His health could also be in a bad way and there could be a number of reasons as to why this. Firstly, he might not have a very good diet and he might not exercise very often, if at all.

He might also overlook his appearance; wearing clothes that don’t really fit or suit him. Taking all this into account as well as other things, it is going to be clear that he won’t be his own best friend; he will be his own worst enemy.

Inner World

When it comes to his mental and emotional health, he could often feel down and depressed. Along with this, there could be moments when he feels very edgy and unstable, with him being all at sea internally.

Thus, it would be accurate to say that he will be a tormented soul, as he will often be in a lot of deep pain and he won’t see a way out of the hole that he is in. To experience pleasure and to feel good, he might need to consume something.

Reaching Out

Now, if he was to get to the point where he has had enough and he can no longer live in this way, he could end up talking to his doctor about what is going on for him. The outcome of this is that he might end up being put on medication.

If this was to take place, it might stop him from getting to the bottom of why he is this way. Instead of being able to join the dots, what he takes could just repress the information that has risen to his conscious mind.

Another Route

Alternatively, he could end up looking for information online. Through taking this approach he could, over time, come to see that what took place during his early years has had a big effect on why he is this way.

What he has been exposed to will have reminded him of some of the things that his conscious mind had pushed out of his awareness. This will have taken palace to protect him, not to prevent him from being able to see why his life is the way that it is.

A Living Hell

He may soon see that this was a time when his father physically and verbally harmed him on a regular basis. The person who was supposed to protect, keep him safe and guide him would have greatly undermined him.

Consequently, he would have seen his father as a threat to his very survival and he would have often been deeply traumatised by him. To handle what was going, he would have had to repress how he felt and disconnect from himself, losing touch with his aggression and emotional self in the process.

Deeply Wounded

This was a stage of his life when he needed to be loved and supported in order to grow and develop in the right way, not beaten by one of the people who were supposed to build him up. Ultimately, his home wouldn’t have been his safe place; it would have been somewhere he felt terrified and totally unsafe.

If he didn’t feel this way, it would have been because he was in a shut down state and simply couldn’t feel anything. Still, this doesn’t mean that his father was the ‘man of the house’ as he may have been dominated by his wife/partner – his son’s mother.

History Repeats Itself

If this was so, it will show that his father was most likely out of touch with his own power. This is why he was so violent towards his son but lacked backbone when it came to his wife/partner.

He was stripped of his masculinity and this is why he would have stripped his own son of his masculinity. This could show that he was stripped of his masculinity by his father and, as he was unable to face and work through his own issues, he unconsciously did to his son what was done to him.

A Key Point

Taking this into account, how his father treated him wasn’t personal; it was simply a consequence of the fact that his father was not in a good way. The anger, rage and hate that was inside him, from way back, ended up causing him to unconsciously harm someone who was not seen as a threat.

He was then engaging in what could be seen as indirect revenge. However, no matter how much he harmed his son, it wouldn’t have allowed him to let go of the pain that was inside him or to no longer be dominated by his wife/partner.


If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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