Father Wounds: Can A Man Unconsciously Look For A Father Figure If His Father Was Unavailable?

Even though a man’s childhood will be behind him, it doesn’t mean that he has fully moved on from this stage of his life. A big part of him can be anchored to this stage of his life.

The reason for this is that this might have been a time when he missed out on what he needed from his father and perhaps his mother. If so, it wouldn’t have been possible for all of him to forward.

Three Parts

His physical and mental self would then have grown, but his emotional self would have stayed frozen in time. However, thanks to repression, this might not be something that he is aware of.

The needs that were not met and the pain that he experienced, as a result, will then be outside of his conscious awareness. But, if this is the case, what is going on for him at a deeper level will still influence his life.

One Consequence

In general, he can be full of doubt and not feel very capable. Due to this, it might not only be hard for him to start things but for him to finish the things that he does.

The outcome of this is that he probably won’t have made much progress in life and could even see himself as a failure. What could also often enter his mind is that he is missing something that other men have.

Another One

He might have at least one male friend who is a lot older than him and this man can be more like his father than his friend. This man can be very supportive, provide him with a lot of guidance, and do a lot for him.

Then again, this man could be quite controlling and treat him like he is an extension of him. If the former takes place, this man will largely be a positive influence of his life but if the latter takes place, he won’t be.

A Dependent State

Either way, he is not going to be in his power and able to stand on his own two feet. If this older man - or older men, if there is more than one - was no longer in his life, he might soon feel lost and unstable.

What something like this could do, though, is make him look into why he is in this position. Another thing that could do this is if he were to feel restricted by the man or men in his life and wanted to experience more freedom to be himself.

Stepping Back

Assuming that he was to step back and reflect on his life, he could wonder why his life is this way. He could find that he has not felt strong, supported or had much confidence in himself for most of his life.

If he were to think about what his early years were like, he might not be able to remember a great deal. This will show that his brain has blocked out what took place to protect him.

Back In Time

Throughout this stage of his life, his father might have typically been out of his reach. He might have spent a lot of time working and, when he was around, he might have often been busy doing other things.

This would have meant that he was rarely seen and heard by his father and was seldom if ever provided with the support, encouragement and love that he needed. To make matters worse, he might have physically harmed him, too.

The Fall Out

Not having a father who was present would have deprived and deeply wounded him. What he needed, to develop a sense of his power, feel supported and develop confidence, wouldn’t have been given to him.

To handle what was going on, his brain would have repressed the developmental needs that his father didn’t meet and the pain he was in. Additionally, as he was egocentric, he would have come to believe that there was something wrong with him and his needs.

The Real Reason

Most likely, his father probably wasn’t able to be there for him because of his issues. His father might have also been brought up by a father who wasn’t there for him.

Being deprived during his formative years and not dealing with the impact that this had would have prevented him from being able to truly be there for him. Thus, it was not that he wanted to undermine his son.

Moving Forward

For him to reconnect to his power and feel supported, he is likely to have a lot of pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience, and persistence.
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Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.