When a man has a felt sense of safety, he will be able to be in his body and to freely express himself. As a result of this, his body will be his home and he won’t need to live in his head.

By being this way, he will be able to feel at ease and experience inner peace. In other words, his thoughts and his emotions will often be settled and this will allow him to be present.

The Ideal

While this is the optimum way to experience life, a man may find that this is not how he experiences life. In general, he could find that he is rarely in his body, with him spending most of his time in his head.

This is likely to mean that it will be a challenge for him to freely express himself. What could be normal is for him to be a people pleaser and to do what other people want, along with what he thinks they want.

A Troubled Existence

Consequently, he is likely to often feel anxious and even fearful. Doing what he can to please others might settle him down but it is unlikely to prevent him from feeling edgy from time to time.

Living up top and having the tendency to be all at sea internally is going to make it hard for him to be present. Of course, he could simply observe his thoughts and breathe deeply, but this is not going to allow him to truly be in the moment.

A Reactive Life

Taking this into account it would be accurate to say that he is not going to feel like the main character in his own story. Instead, he is going to see himself as nothing more than a supporting character.

There could be a few people in his life who are the centre of his world and pleasing these people will be essential. This can just be something that automatically takes place as opposed to something he consciously chooses to do.

A Different Approach

If he was to think about drawing the line, let alone actually doing so and imagined behaving how he wants to behave, he could end up feeling very uncomfortable. He could soon be filled with fear and feel compelled to behave in the same way.

What is clear is that as he lacks an inner sense of safety, he is unable to feel at ease in his body. He could find that if he was to settle into himself, that’s if he is able to, he could feel very vulnerable.

On Alert

Being up top, on the other hand, will stop him from feeling this way. The reason for this is that he will be able to be more aware of what is going on around him, which will make it easier for him to react.

To use an analogy: it will be the difference between being on the bottom floor of a lighthouse and being at the top. If someone is at the bottom, they won’t be able to see all of what is going on around them; whereas if they are at the top, they will.

What going on?

At this point, it could be said that it is safe for him to be in his body and he is free to behave how he wants to behave. He doesn’t need to be on alert and at all times and to continually look for threats or to please others.

How he behaves can be seen as being totally irrational and something that he needs to let go of. Nonetheless, what if how he behaves is totally rational based on the experiences that he has had?

Back In Time

He might not remember much about his early years but this may have been a time when his father physically and verbally abused him. If so, growing up in an environment like this would have deeply traumatised him.

To handle the pain that this caused him, he would have automatically left his body. This was his only option as he was unable to fight back or to find another family to bring him up.


Losing touch with himself would have also caused him to disconnect from his needs and feelings. This would have set him up to suffer then and further down the line, but at this point in time, his priority was to survive, not to grow and develop.

Like now, being in his head and being solely focused on what was going on externally would have made it easier for him to please his father and to notice when he was about to be harmed and to take evasive action. He might have been able to isolate himself and then feel safer but his home environment would not have been somewhere he felt safe.

The past is present

Many, many years will have passed since that stage of his life but his nervous system will be in a highly charged state and he will be loaded up with pain. For him to develop a felt sense of safety, he will need to settle down the former and work through the latter.

The truth is that what he experienced at this stage of his life wasn’t his fault; he didn’t deserve to be harmed. Now it is up to him to do what he needs to do to gradually transform himself.


If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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