If someone was to take a step back and reflect on how they behave, what could stand out is that they spend a lot of time doing what other people want. Consequently, they are likely to find that they often feel drained and even exhausted.

Additionally, they can experience a fair amount of frustration and anger. But, while it will be clear that they are not living in a way that is serving them, they might not be fully aware of how they want to behave.


In this case, they will have a clear idea about how they don't want to live but they won’t have a clear about how they do want to live. As when they think about what their needs are, their mind could go blank.

Now, they are likely to be aware of what their physical needs are such as, what they want to eat and when they want to sleep but that could be about as far as it will go. So, when it comes to what they want to do with their life, what they find fulfilling and the type of people that they want to spend time with, for instance, they could struggle to come up with answers.

Another Part

And, along with finding it hard to connect with certain needs, tuning into how they feel could also typically be a challenge. Naturally, not having a strong connection with their emotional self is going to make it hard for them to know what is and what isn’t right for them.

The reason for this is that their feelings are there to provide them with feedback and, therefore, without his connection, they will be lost. They will be like a ship that doesn’t have a compass.

A Very Different Story

However, although they will have a weak connection with what is taking place inside them, they are unlikely to have a weak connection with what is taking place outside of them. To be more precise, they are likely to find it easy to tune into the needs and feelings of others.

When they are around another person, then, they might know exactly what they need and how they feel. Due to this, they might act more like an extension of them as opposed to a separate human being.


If they do, they are going to be acting more like this person’s parent than their friend and they will be depriving themselves. But, as frustrating as this will be, it could be something that takes place automatically.

Once they are by themselves, they can feel deeply frustrated and very low. Yet, as they will have abandoned themselves and focused on another person, this will be a perfectly normal outcome.

The Norm

If they were to look back on their life, they could see that this is how they have been for a very long time. What could enter their mind at this point is that they need to stop being so focused on others, to tune into themselves and focus on meeting their own needs.

Still, they could wonder why they are so focused on others and have such a weak connection with themselves. If they have been this way for a long time, it could show that they missed out on what they needed during their formative years.

Back In Time

Practically from the moment they were born, or from a very young age, one of their parents might have lacked the ability to attune to them. As a result of this, they would have been forced to adapt to their parent's needs.

This is likely to have meant that a number of their needs were often met when their parent wanted to meet them and that a number of their needs were often ignored and overlooked. By being deprived of the nutrients that they needed, they would have had to lose touch with themselves and create a disconnected false self.

Missed Out

What this illustrates is that even if they were in tune with themselves when they were born, they still needed to receive the right care in order to stay connected with themselves. As they were powerless and totally dependent, they couldn’t leave their environment and find another parent who was able to attune to them and provide them with what they needed.

Adapting to a parent, who was caught up with their own needs, for whatever reason, was their only way to survive. Ultimately, they would have been forced to give at a time when they desperately needed to receive.

The Meaning

These experiences would have caused them to believe that both themselves and their needs were bad. This is a consequence of them being egocentric at this stage of their life and personalising what took place.

Furthermore, the pain that they experienced, thanks to not having their needs met, would have ended up being repressed by their brain. The pain that they are carrying will prevent them from being able to be an embodied human being who is connected to their needs and feelings.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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