Just because someone looks whole on the outside, it doesn’t mean that they feel whole on the inside. How they look is then going to have very little to do with how they actually experience life.

Based on how they experience life, it will be as though they are missing something. As a result of this, they can spend a lot of time looking for a way to change how they feel.

A Bleak Existence

Nonetheless, this doesn’t mean that they will have a good connection with their feelings. For long periods of time, they may find it hard to connect to how they feel.

When they are unable to, they could end up feeling numb and as though they are disconnected from everyone and everything. Having this experience is likely to be anything but pleasant.


One thing that they could do to try to bring themselves back to life is to drink or take something. Then again, they could engage in something that will give them an inner boost.

Regardless of what takes place, something like this may happen on a regular basis. Yet, if they believe that the only other option they have is to feel dead inside, this is not exactly a surprise.


If they don’t engage in something to change their inner world, their life could be unbearable. Thus, if the emotional pain within them comes up, they may need to do something to change their inner world or else they could end up being overwhelmed by how they feel.

The drugs or alcohol or anything else could then be seen as the problem, but it won’t be the real issue. If their inner world was in a good place, they probably wouldn’t need to be hooked on anything like this.

Another Area

Along with this, they may be in a relationship with someone who they have a strong attachment to. Irrespective of whether this person treats them badly or not, one might believe that they can’t live without them.

So instead of seeing their partner as a separate being, they could see them as another part of them. This is not to say that this is something that will go through their mind, as it could be something that is out of their conscious awareness.

One Half is Missing

If they are single, they could have a strong need to be with someone. One might not care what someone is like as their main priority will be to avoid being by themselves.

As they are single it will be as if they are incomplete, which is why they will need to find someone else to complete them. In the same way that a drug or an activity, for instance, will push their pain down and bring them to life, another person will serve the same purpose.

Too Much

Due to the fact that they are unable to enjoy their own company, it might be a challenge for them to leave a relationship that is not healthy. Putting up with abusive behaviour can be seen as being far better than the alternative – being on their own pain.

Another thing that they could do is have one casual encounter after another, with this being another way to make them feel alive. Shortly after they have had sex, it won’t be long until they will need to do find someone else.

A Closer Look

The question is why would someone look whole on the outside but feel as though something is missing on the inside? What this is likely to show is that their emotional development is way behind their physical development

Not only is one going to be emotionally undeveloped, they are also going to be carrying a hell of a lot of emotional pain. This is likely to be the reason why they feel empty and as though something is missing or are overwhelmed with emotional pain.

What’s going on?

What this is likely to show is that they didn’t receive the kind of care that they needed during their early years in order to develop in the right way. This could have been a time when they had to fulfil their caregiver/s needs.

Said another way, they would have had to behave like an adult at a stage of their life when they needed to have their needs met. As they were neglected, it would have meant that their developmental needs were overlooked and the pain of not having their needs met would have overwhelmed their system, setting them up to live on the surface of themselves.

The Outcome

Thanks to what took place, one wouldn’t have been able to develop a sense of self. They are only going to have two options in life: to avoid how they feel and feel empty or to embrace how they feel and end up being overwhelmed with pain.

On the inside, one will look like an adult, but on the inside, they will feel like an abandoned child. To the emotional part of their being, it won’t matter how many years have passed.


If one can relate to this, and they want to transform their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

For them to emotionally grow up and to develop a sense of self, they will most likely need to work through the emotional wounds that are within them. One part of this will be for them to grieve their unmet childhood needs.

Author's Bio: 

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, one hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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