Throughout someone’s early years, they may have been hurt by one or both of their parents. This may have meant that they were abused in a variety of different ways and were neglected, which would have deprived them of the love that they needed.

But, as they were powerless and totally dependent, there was very little that they would have been able to do about what was going on. What they couldn’t do was change their parent or parent’s behaviour or find somewhere else to live.

Closing Up

What they would have been able to do was to go into an unfeeling, disconnected and shut down state. Their ability to function as a whole human being would then have been taken away.

If this took place, they would have ended up being a divided human being who lived on the surface of themselves. However, although this would have undermined them, it would have made it easier for them to tolerate what was going on.

Their priority

At this stage of their life, they were not thinking about whether being an unfeeling human being would make it hard for them to function as a child, let alone as an adult; their focus was on doing what they could to handle a dysfunctional home environment. Quite simply, this was a time when their feelings were a problem.

At the same time, it wouldn’t be accurate to say that they consciously chose to disconnect from themselves as this is something that would have automatically taken place. If this hadn’t taken place, they would have more or less constantly been in a place of pain and this would have been too much for them to handle.


Once they were more or less shut down, they would have still been hurt by what was going on but it wouldn’t have had the same impact on them. If they came across as being an unfeeling person, deep down, they would have been a deeply feeling being that was in a lot of pain.

Not getting in touch with and expressing their feelings would have been a key part of what allowed them to keep it together and function. Still, this is not to say that they wouldn’t have had moments when they cried and were emotional.

No Different

Most likely, one or both of their parents was also in an unfeeling, disconnected and shut down state. By being this way, it would have been normal for them to harm their child or children without feeling bad or realising how destructive their behaviour was.

This is likely to show that one or both of one’s parents was also mistreated during their formative years. And, for whatever reason, they probably didn’t work through any of their emotional wounds.

Other Reasons

Along with this, what is also likely to have been behind how one or both of their parents behaved is the pain that they experienced and automatically repressed all those years ago. So, although this pain would have been outside of their conscious awareness, it would have still influenced their behaviour.

There is a strong chance that without being aware of it, they projected one of their parents onto their child. By harming their child, then, it would have been a way for them to unconsciously experience indirect revenge.

The Same Old Story

One will then be in a shut down state; as would have been their parents and their parent’s parents, and who knows how far back this way of being will go. This shows how wounded people often wound others.

As a child, they would have personalised what took a place as they were egocentric. Yet, how they were treated had absolutely nothing to do with their worth and lovability and everything to do with how wounded their parent or parents were.

It’s Over

Now that they are an adult, what took place during their developmental years will be well and truly over. But, as they are in a shut down state, it will show that they haven’t truly moved on from what happened.

It won’t matter that this stage of their life is over as a big part of them won’t realise that it is now safe for them to be a feeling human being. Also, thanks to the pain that is being held inside their brain and body, there will be a big part of them that doesn’t want to feel.

Pandora’s Box

Deep down, being a feeling human being can be seen as something that would cause them to be overwhelmed and both feel and be deeply hurt again. The trouble is that while they are in a repressed state, they will be stripped of the guidance that their feeling self would provide them.

Furthermore, not being connected to their feeling self will stop them from being able to deeply connect with others and to truly take life in. Therefore, living on the surface of themselves and only being connected to a small part of their consciousness is not going to serve their highest good.

A Key Point

Ultimately, they didn’t choose to be this way, so there is going to be no need for them to lay into themselves. If they hadn’t adapted in this way, they might not be alive, never mind be in a shut down state.

Naturally, being in a shut down state will be better than not being alive and being a feeling human being will be better than being emotionally shut down. For them to reconnect to their feeling self, they will gradually need to work through the pain and arousal that is held inside them.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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