In addition to having a mental self, someone also has an emotional self. But, while this is the case, it doesn’t mean that they will generally be connected to both of these parts of their being.

However, if they don’t have a strong connection with their emotional self, they might not be aware of this. The reason for this is that experiencing life in this way can just be what is normal and, thus, it is not going to stand out.

On The Outside

From time to time, though, other people might notice that they don’t have a strong connection with their emotional self. They could then be seen as someone who is distant, shut down and not overly warm, for instance.

At the same time, if they are surrounded by people who are also more or less out of touch with this side of their being, how they are might seldom stand out. It could then be rare for another person to notice what they are like.

The Signs

But, even though they might be oblivious to the fact that they are not an integrated human being, being this way is going to have an impact on their life. For one thing, they are going to miss out on the guidance that this part of them would provide.

Their feelings would allow them to know what is and isn’t right for them in each moment and in their life in general. As things stand, they are likely to be overly dependent on their mind, along with the guidance of others, when it comes to how they live their life.

Another part

Also, as they won’t have their feelings to guide them, when they do something, it can be because they experience inner pressure. It will then be their mind, not their body that is leading them.

A lot of what they do can then be the result of what they have been conditioned to believe they should do. Some of the things that they do, then, might not really interest them and could be put to one side if they were to reconnect with themselves.

One Outcome

What their feelings would also do is allow them to know when they need to take a step back in life and recharge. So, without this input, they can often feel exhausted and find it hard to function.

Or, they might need to get to a stage where they are unwell to be able to not do anything and finally relax. Not having this connection to themselves, then, is going to cause them to behave more like a machine than a human being.


If they end up having a breakdown, it might seem as though this has come out of nowhere but this won’t be the case. It will have been something that was slowly building up, but, as they are out of touch with their inner feedback, it will appear to have just happened.

Assuming that this doesn’t happen, something could take place that will allow them to gradually realise that they are not connected to all of themselves. At this point, they could wonder why they are this way and what they can do about it.

The Cause

If they have been this way for as long as they can remember, there is a chance that their early years were not very nurturing. This may have been a time when they were deprived of the love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way.

Practically from the moment when they were born, they might have typically been neglected, and, when they were given attention, they might have largely received misattuned care. As the years went by, they might have continued to be neglected and abused in a variety of different ways.

One Option

And, as they were powerless and totally dependent, right at the beginning and as the years passed, they wouldn’t have been able to change what was going on. This is why they had to adapt and becoming a divided human being was part of that process.

They would have been forced to lose touch with their emotional self and a number of their needs as it would have been too painful for them to have this connection. This would have caused them to lose touch with their body and live on the surface of themselves.

A Natural Effect

Based on what they went through at the most important stage of their development, it is to be expected that they would be estranged from themselves. Very early on, it was too painful for them to be connected to themselves.

The trouble is that what served them all those years ago is now causing them to suffer unnecessarily. For them to change what is going on, it is likely to take courage and patience and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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