How we behave influence’s how we feel, and the only thing one needs to do to realise this is to change their posture. Many people realise how their body language not only affects how they feel, they also realise how it affects how others feel around them.

There is then an inner change in oneself and inner change in the other person. And one’s body language can make others warm to them for example, or it can cause them to pull away.

Professional Help

If one was experience some kind of emotional challenge and they were to seek professional help, they may be advised to change their behaviour. They might hear that their thoughts, feelings and behaviour are interconnected.

This could cause them to reflect on their behaviour and look at how it is impacting their life. And by changing one part, it will enable one to alter the other parts. The key to having different thoughts and feelings will be for them to change their behaviour.

The Other Way

As this takes place, one’s thoughts and feelings will begin to change. In the beginning, one might wonder how their behaviour is affecting their inner world or they might realise what is taking place.

Once they know what they need to work on, they can begin to make the changes that they need to make in order to feel different. This could mean that one has a few things to work on or they might need to change a number of things.

One Step at a Time

However, the sooner one begins this process; the sooner they will be able to change how they feel. And just like if one was to build a puzzle - they wouldn’t be able to put it together all at once, they would have to put it together piece by piece.

The same applies to making changes in one’s life; it is a gradual process and not something that will happen overnight. It will be important for one to be able to handle frustration and to delay gratification.

The Pull

Although one wants to change, there is still going to be the pull of what is familiar. Just because one’s behaviour is having a negative effect on their life, it doesn’t mean that one can simply let go and do something else.

This is why one will need to remind themselves of what will happen if they continue to behave in the same way and to use the pain that it creates to drive them forward. Through their commitment to this process, they will gradually change how they feel.


So if one sticks with this process, they might notice subtle changes or they could feel completely different. This could mean that one goes from feeling depressed to feeling as though they are alive once more.

One could find that they are no longer as angry and that they are able to feel more at peace. Perhaps they used to suffer with anxiety and this has now settled down or even disappeared.


While some people are going to believe that it is always one’s behaviour (or even their thoughts) that defines how they feel, there are going to be others who have a different outlook. One could find that although they have changed their behaviour, they still end up feeling the same.

There is then a difference but it soon ends, and one may feel as though they are simply denying how they really feel. This could mean that one ends up focusing on their thoughts instead and tries to change how they feel that way.

Another Reason

However, what if the reason one feels as they do has nothing to do with their behaviour or even their thoughts? Now, it is clear that how one behaves will have an impact on their thoughts and feelings, and one’s thoughts will also play a part in how they feel and behave.

But this doesn’t mean that one’s behaviour or their thoughts are always defining how they feel. This is because their thoughts and behaviour could be triggering feelings that already exist within them.


It is often said that one’s thoughts create their feelings, but this is a half truth. The other side of this is that one’s feelings can be triggered by what is going on in their head and this means they are not always caused by one’s thoughts.

This could cause some people to say that this is because one is not aware of the thoughts they are having, and this is why their feelings seem to come out of nowhere. Yet, even though this may appear to shine the light on what is taking place, it doesn’t take into account the fact that there are more inputs going into the thinking brain from the emotional brain than the other way around.

What Does This Mean?

What this shows is that what is going in the mind is often just the tip of the iceberg, and that it is what is going on underneath that is in control of one’s life. This area under the iceberg could be described as one’s unconscious mind; another way of looking at it would be to say that it relates to what is going on in one’s emotional body.

During the beginning of one’s life, their thinking brain wouldn’t have been fully developed and in operation; this is something that is said to develop around the age of three to five. This was therefore a time where it would have been about feelings and not thoughts.

Emotional Build-Up

The kind of experiences one had during these early years can end up defining whether they have an emotional build up as an adult. Although this is likely to be a time where just about everyone experiences some kind of emotional pain, there are going to be some people who experienced more pain than others and they can carry it around with them as an adult.

Time goes by, and while one may still experience how they felt as a child, they might not be able to see the connection. This is not to say that the experiences one has after these early years won’t have had an effect on how they feel, what it can mean is that these experiences can just add to the emotional build up that already exists.


So if one can’t change how they feel by changing their behaviour, it could mean that they have an emotional build up. What happened in the past is in the past, but how one felt during those experiences may have stayed trapped in their body.

The assistance of a therapist, healer and/or a therapist is likely to be needed here. Through their support, one will be able to get in touch with how they feel and to gradually release the emotional build up within them.

Author's Bio: 

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy."

To find out more go to -

Feel free to join the Facebook Group -