If someone is in a position where they are typically out of touch with how they feel, it doesn’t mean that they will be aware of this. But, if this is how they how been for quite some time, there will be no reason for it to stand out.

And, as they are likely to live in a society that is full of people who are, to one degree or another, shut down, the chances of another person noticing what is going on for them are low. Being this way, then, can allow them to blend in with others and to even be seen as someone who is well-adjusted.


Not being connected to how they feel is going to make it hard for them to form deep connections with others and stop them from having access to their inner guidance. As a result of this, they can have surface-level relationships and be reliant on external guidance when it comes to how they should behave.

Still, this is not to say that they will realise this as, once again, this might not stand out. But, if they have had relationships like this for a number of years and been outer-directed for just as long, why would they?

Shinning the Light

What might allow them to see that they don’t have a strong connection with their emotional self is if they were to end up in a relationship. This could be a time when they will struggle to connect to how they feel.

Coming to see this might make them wonder if there is something inherently wrong with them and they could fall into a hole of despair. On the plus side, at least they will have been able to see what is going on.

Another Outcome

Then again, this could be a time when they believe that it’s because they are not really into the other person. If they were with someone else, then, they would have a different experience.

Before long, though, they could end up in the same position and this time it might be a lot harder for them to accept that it is simply the other person. They could end up coming face to face with the fact that there is far more to it.

No More Running

So, irrespective of if they could accept this straight away or needed to be with a number of people, they could wonder why they don’t have a strong connection with their emotional self. They might soon see that they have been this way for as long as they can remember.

What could also stand out is that they don’t have a deep connection with anyone and have primarily been driven by their head and by their need to please others. At this point, they could question if they were simply born this way and thus, will always be this way.

A Tough Time

They could end up looking into why they would be this way and come to see that they are emotionally shut down. Due to this, they could see themselves as someone who is broken.

What might play a part in this is if they come across information that criticises people like this and doesn’t take into account that someone like this is unlikely to have simply chosen to be this way. Ultimately, they are likely to be this way due to their development period being brutal.

A Closer Look

So, if they have been this way for as long as they can remember, it could show that their early years were anything but nurturing. This may have been a time when they were often left and when they were given attention, it might have primarily been misattuned care.

Missing out on the right care and being traumatised would have deprived them of what they needed and caused them to experience a lot of pain. To handle this, they would have automatically gone into a disconnected, shut down, collapsed and frozen state

One Option

This would have stopped them from being able to receive and take anything in. But, as they were powerless and totally helpless, they couldn’t change what was going on externally.

The only thing that they could do was to adapt to what was going on, becoming a divided human being in the process. Being in touch with their feelings and needs would have been too painful, so losing touch with their body would have protected them.

A Natural Outcome

Taking into account what they went through, it is to be expected that they wouldn’t have a strong connection with their emotional self or their body for that matter. Being this way will now be causing them problems but, if they hadn’t adapted in this way, they probably wouldn’t be alive.

What this illustrates is that there is nothing inherently wrong with them and they didn’t choose to be this way. A stage of their life when they were totally helpless was a stage when they were deeply wounded and had to be incredibly strong.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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